Teach Me To Love You
by nayru-kleinefee
Summary: KakaIru Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: T for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 1 of ?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

AN1:

My muse for this story was my friend Laoighaire who fed me with ideas and suggestions for multiple parts of it. Thanks a jolly lot once again and I hope you like the way it all turned out.

--

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter 1__ – Do you wish it was a dream?_

Kakashi awoke sound- and motionlessly, as always. He found that he couldn't remember falling asleep and that was a bad sign, always. Eyes still closed and faking to be still sleeping, he tried to figure where he was by carefully extending his chakra, but had to find that he couldn't use it – even worse sign. So he probably had been captured somehow and then caged in something chakra-suppressing and-

"You're awake", a soft voice on his left side said, startling him a little.

"Iruka-sensei?", the Jounin asked in disbelief and quickly opened his eye not hidden by his hitai-ate. He caught sight of the Chuunin sitting next to him.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei." Iruka smiled down on him sadly.

"Where are we?" They had been in the mission room, he could remember now. Had they been captured? Maybe taken hostage by some infiltrators inside the village?

"We're in my bedroom." Iruka looked down at his hands.

"In your… Why am I here?" Kakashi tried to move and sit up only to find that his arms and legs were tied securely to the bed he was lying on. Again, he tried to accumulate his chakra to free himself but failed.

"You're here because I'm weak", he heard Iruka whisper.

"Weak?", Kakashi asked and struggled against the ropes binding him. "Why-"

"I cast a jutsu on you when you were distracted earlier", the Chuunin interrupted him softly, his head turned away and his eyes looking out of the window of the bedroom and into the night. "You fell unconscious and I sealed your chakra and then brought you here."

"You… you sealed my chakra?", the Copy-nin gasped. "Why?" Was the Chuunin a traitor? A spy for Sound maybe even? But… Naruto's beloved Iruka-sensei?!

"Don't worry. The seal will vanish in the morning. As will the binds."

"But… but why did you do this?"

He saw Iruka smile again, a smile so full of deepest sadness and despair that it made the Jounin's chest constrict. "Because I want to know how it feels."

"How… how it feels?", Kakashi whispered. "What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei." Iruka shook his head. "I'm sorry for being weak." He stood up from the bed and closed the window's curtains, then shed his Chuunin vest and weapon pouch before he sat down again.

"Iruka", Kakashi started, "please tell m-"

"Please don't call me that", the Chuunin interrupted him. "I don't think I can stand that." He lay down on the bed next to the Copy-nin and placed his head on his chest. "Please don't speak anymore, Kakashi-sensei", he whispered pleadingly. "Tomorrow you can hate me and despise me and even hurt me if you want, I don't care. But tonight… please just… just be here…"

"But… but…" Kakashi frowned deeply while annoyance pushed away the confusion inside him. "What the hell happened here?", he demanded and tried to wriggle free from under the Chuunin. In his position he wouldn't be able to defend himself at all if Iruka lay on him like that.

"I love you", Iruka whispered back. "I'm sorry."

"Wh-what?", the Copy-nin stammered in utter surprise and stopped his struggling.

"I can't help it." Iruka shook his head against his chest. "I can't help it, Kakashi-sensei. I tried to ignore it for so long by now and when Naruto was still here, it kind of worked, because he… he's so loveable, you know. So… so wonderfully annoying and… But… but since he left with Jiraiya-sama… I feel so empty since he's not here anymore. And it became harder and harder to deny that I want you to be with me… so very much…"

Kakashi swallowed hard. He didn't want to be reminded of what had happened to his Genin team, it still hurt too much to think about how he had failed them. And hearing the pain in the Chuunin's voice made something inside him cramp. He'd always seen Iruka as a colleague, as somebody who cared about his team and wanted to protect them just like he did, and it just wasn't right to see him suffer.

"And when you were with me in the mission room today", Iruka whispered, "and when you looked so sad suddenly when you told me about Sakura's progress with Tsunade-sama… I don't know what I thought then, maybe I didn't think at all, but I just cast the jutsu and took you here and… and… I don't know. But maybe it's better like this. I know it will hurt to know how it is to be near you and that it will hurt to know that you hate me now instead of only being indifferent, but… but maybe it's better than hoping."

"Iruka", Kakashi started, but then he didn't know what to say.

"Please, Kakashi-sensei." The Chuunin's fingers dag into his shirt. "Please don't call me that. It would just make me hope again and… and I think that's more than I could take. Please, I promise that I won't do anything indecent, or at least nothing more indecent than what I've done already." He laughed humourlessly. "Nothing will happen, I promise, Kakashi-sensei, and tomorrow I will accept anything you want to punish me with. But… but tonight just let me pretend that you're here because you want to and that you don't hate me."

Kakashi just lay there without moving. He didn't know what to say, how to react. Never had anybody told him that he was loved, never. Never had anybody said something as confusing, as… foreign to him as Iruka had just then. And he… he had always been shinobi, a killer, a machine to serve his village. He had never been anything else, anything of what the Chuunin seemed to see in him. He couldn't understand how Iruka could even think of caring about him.

When he heard Iruka's breathing even out slowly, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder how it was possible for the Chuunin to sleep next to a complete stranger, to a dangerous man such as him. He himself had never been able to sleep well beside other persons, not even when on a mission and with separate sleeping bags and weapons within arm's reach. And ever since his Genin team had been separated from him, he hadn't been able to sleep well at all, had only been able to sleep for a few hours in a row until the guilt and shame had found him and haunted his dreams.

Mulling these thoughts over in his head, Kakashi felt his eyes close and himself drift off.

--

He awoke when a strip of sunlight fell through an opening between the curtains right into his uncovered eye. He moved his right arm from above his head, wondering why it felt quite stiff, then wanted to do the same with his left when he suddenly noticed a warm weight on his left side and turned his head quickly. When he caught sight of long, brown hair fanned over his chest, the events of the evening before came crashing down on him.

And something else, too.

He'd slept. For a whole night.

Kakashi's eyes widened. How was that possible?! He hadn't really slept through a night for years. And he had been captured furthermore. Why had he slept like this just that night? Why-

"I expected you to be gone the moment you wake up", Iruka whispered softly. "But I take it you decided to punish me for what I did then."

Kakashi didn't answer. He had slept next to a man who had first cast a jutsu on him, then kidnapped and bound him and then even sealed his chakra. And that while he didn't even sleep for more than two or three hours in a row alone in his own bed with every door and window locked and trapped, not even after week-long missions. So why had he slept?

"Not talking to me is a good way to take revenge on me", Iruka whispered. "You truly are a genius, Kakashi-sensei." He turned his body around until his back was directed at the Jounin, then curled up into a ball. "It hurts."

"Did… did I sleep?", Kakashi murmured.

"You did when I woke up." He heard Iruka swallow hard. "I could almost pretend that you were here because you wanted to."

"And… you slept, too? Next to me?"

"I promised that I wouldn't do anything indecent, Kakashi-sensei."

"But… but how could you?" How could anybody sleep next to someone like him? Next to someone who had the blood of so many people on his hands? Someone who meant death and violence and nothing else?

"I can only apologise again for what I did, Kakashi-sensei. And as I said, you're free to do with me whatever you want now."

"No, I mean… How could you sleep next to me?" Kakashi sat up on the bed and looked at the visible side of the Chuunin's face. Iruka was completely vulnerable like this. With his back towards him, he wouldn't be able to defend himself against whatever he decided to do to him.

"It… it felt good", Iruka whispered. "I haven't felt this warm in years." A tear ran from his eye over his cheek.

Kakashi fled.

-- -- --

Kakashi walked through the streets in a daze. He didn't take any notice of his surroundings, didn't even know where he was going. All he could think of was a single tear running over smooth, tanned skin.

'_Bury your emotions deep within you. A shinobi doesn't need __emotions.'_

His father had said that to him, every day at least once. And Kakashi had obeyed, just as he had always obeyed, had hidden his emotions under blood, violence and death until he had been sure that there hadn't been anything left.

'_A shinobi doesn't need __emotions.'_

His shell had cracked here and there over the years. Some persons had been able to crack it a little – his sensei, his team-mates, his Genin team. But they all were dead now or had left him. And the cracks had closed themselves again, leaving his shell thicker than before. He'd been grateful for it.

'_A shinobi doesn't need __emotions.'_

But Iruka had them. The Chuunin was full of emotions, Kakashi knew that. He'd seen him laugh with his students, fume in outrage at everybody daring to challenge him, cry with those who had lost someone precious to them. He'd seen him cry this morning for himself even, something Kakashi hadn't allowed himself to do ever. And if the Chuunin had said the truth the evening before, he even allowed himself to love.

'_A shinobi doesn't need __emotions.'_

A shinobi didn't need love, Kakashi knew that. A shinobi needed strength, determination and loyalty. A shinobi didn't need love. Love would hinder the tool's efficiency, would maybe even get in conflict with its loyalty. A shinobi didn't need love.

But what if he wanted it? Was a shinobi allowed to want love? Was he allowed to let himself be loved, to love back? Was he allowed to risk his ability to be just a tool, to decrease his use for his village? Or what if a shinobi just loved, just like Iruka did, without asking for permission? What if he just did it and then… and then what?

What happened to a shinobi who allowed himself to love?

-- -- --

"Hatake! In here!", Tsunade's voice boomed towards him when he entered the Hokage Tower around lunchtime after hours and hours of aimless wandering and thinking.

"Yes, Hokage-sama", Kakashi murmured and followed her into her office. She seemed to be pissed at him for some reason and he had the distinct feeling that he could tell why if he just could get his thoughts together.

"Your report", Tsunade growled the moment she sat down on her chair.

Oh, right. He had been on his way to hand it in to her the last evening. But then he'd seen Iruka sitting alone in the mission room and the Chuunin had looked so lost and lonely, and Kakashi had decided to go and tell him about Sakura's progress to cheer him up first before delivering his report. He didn't know why he'd wanted to do that though, it had just seemed to be a good thing to do and-

"Well?", Tsunade growled, sounding even angrier than before.

"You see…", Kakashi started when a soft knock on the door interrupted him. Then the door opened and revealed Iruka carrying a stack of papers.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, Tsunade-sama", the Chuunin said and smiled apologetically. "But Shizune-san sends me to bring you these papers to sign and-" He gasped and fell silent the moment he caught sight of the Copy-nin.

"It's fine, Iruka-sensei." The Sannin waved at him to come closer. "I'm only just about to give that lazy Jounin over there a piece of my mind for handing in his reports late. I can sign the papers while I do that."

"Oh, I…" Iruka's eyes darted from her to Kakashi and back again. "I think I better come back later and… and…"

"No, just stay here, Iruka-sensei." Tsunade waved again. "Let him just see how much people who know their duty work."

Kakashi saw Iruka flinch so much it had to be painful. "Yes, Tsunade-sama", he whispered and handed her the papers, then stood there, his eyes on the ground and his hands balled to fists so hard that the knuckles were white.

"So, Kakashi-_kun_", the Sannin drawled while she read and signed the papers. "Why didn't I get a report from you yesterday?"

"Well, you see…" Kakashi looked at Iruka, seeing the Chuunin shake violently. And it didn't seem right to see Iruka suffer. The Copy-nin had always associated him with a world foreign to him but still somehow soothing to see, with laughter, gentleness and care, with smiles and affection and much, much ramen for the child nobody else wanted. Iruka smiled, he always smiled, and he should always smile. He shouldn't look so broken and sad like he did now. And Kakashi didn't want the gentle Chuunin to get into trouble since he hadn't harmed anybody with what he'd done. But he also couldn't lie to his Hokage about shinobi matters, could he?

"Yes?", Tsunade growled.

"Well, you see…" Kakashi frowned in concentration, but then showed her the bright, mask-covered smile he always used to annoy people who came too close to him when he found the perfect explanation suddenly. "I fell unconscious in the mission room yesterday evening and Iruka-sensei took me to his apartment and let me sleep there." That wasn't even a lie, right? Nobody could accuse him for telling the truth. And like that, Iruka wouldn't get in trouble at all and he could-

Iruka's body started to shake even more, his hands trembled and his eyes screwed shut.

Kakashi's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't meant to do that. He had wanted to reassure the Chuunin, to show that he didn't want to punish him and wasn't angry for what he'd done. After all, Iruka hadn't harmed him or done anything bad or-

"And you think that I believe that?!", Tsunade shouted suddenly. "And don't you dare to involve Iruka-sensei or anybody else into your lies, Hatake!"

"Ho-Hokage-sama", Iruka whispered, "Hokage-sama, I…"

"I know, Iruka-sensei." The Sannin sighed. "Don't be afraid that I would believe him."

"But Hokage-sama, I-"

"Pakkun ate my report", Kakashi interrupted him, just to not have to see him hurt anymore. "I only had canned dog food for him left and he doesn't like that, you see, and that's why-"

"Out!", Tsunade shouted. "Out! And you will hand in your report to Iruka-sensei until this evening, do you hear me?!"

Kakashi hurried out of the room and a little down the hallway, then leaned against a wall and waited impatiently. It didn't take long until Iruka left the Hokage's office.

"Yo", Kakashi greeted, hoping that he could talk with him and maybe find answers.

"You're a cruel man, Kakashi-sensei", Iruka whispered and swallowed hard. "But I know I deserve it. If you know something better than reporting me to Tsunade-sama, then punish me as you see fit." Then he walked away towards the mission room.

Kakashi looked at his retreating form, wondering how everything he did seemed to hurt the Chuunin although he never intended to do that.

-- -- --

Kakashi crouched in a tree in front of the window to Iruka's living room, unsure whether he should knock at the glass and try to talk with the Chuunin. He desperately needed answers for all the questions spinning around in his head, but everything he said or did seemed to hurt Iruka, and he didn't want that.

The sound of a window opening made him look up and he saw Iruka stand in front of him, the Chuunin's eyes sad and slightly red. "Would you like to come in?", he whispered.

"If I may", Kakashi answered hesitantly. Iruka didn't look as if he would like that.

"It's not that I have any right to deny it to you." Iruka just turned around and sat down on a couch.

"Thank you." The Copy-nin jumped from the tree onto the broad windowsill, then shed his shoes and hopped down to the floor before he closed the window behind himself. "I brought my mission report."

"Thanks for your hard work", Iruka whispered and took the paper.

"And I… and I wanted to talk with you." Kakashi looked around and finally settled down on the low couch table. The Chuunin's apartment looked like Iruka himself, he noticed. It was full of pictures and things that looked as if children had made them, books were lying everywhere and even a half-finished puzzle on a table, and the walls had a warm, sand-like colour. Even the few pieces of furniture looked well-worn and comfortable.

"I thought so." Iruka looked down at his hands.

"I… you know, I…" Kakashi searched for the words to express his confusion but didn't find them. "I wanted… you know, I was… I was wondering how you could seal my chakra." He didn't want to know that, he couldn't care less about it, but it was the only thing he could form the words to ask about. And that confused him even more.

"Would you like me to show you?", Iruka asked.

"Yes, please." And then explain everything? Explain why he felt so confused now although nothing had happened, nothing to be considered serious or important? Or at least he guessed so. And then explain why it was so hard to understand this although he always understood everything? And why he couldn't see what was underneath all this?

"Alright." The Chuunin took a deep breath, then waited until Kakashi had lifted his hitai-ate to reveal his Sharingan eye and slowly formed seals, accumulating chakra in his hands. "See? And now you just have to touch the person whose chakra you want to seal."

"Did you invent that yourself?", Kakashi asked while he hid his eye again.

"Yes, me and Anko."

"May I try?"

"Yes." Iruka swallowed, then stood up and walked over to the Copy-nin. He watched how Kakashi stood up and formed the seals, then reached out with his hand until their fingers touched. Immediately, the Jounin could feel the other's chakra decrease until it became completely undetectable.

"Amazing", he whispered in honest admiration. This jutsu spoke of true genius. It took a very small amount of chakra, was hard to detect, fast to use and of immediate success.

"And n-now?", Iruka asked, his hands shaking. "What do you want to do with me now?"

"What do you mean?", Kakashi asked in confusion, then gasped when he realised what the Chuunin had meant. "Iruka-sensei, I'm not here to hurt you!"

"Not?" Iruka smiled bitterly. "You do a pretty good job though."

"But I didn't intend to do that. And I didn't want it earlier either." Kakashi made a step forward, but the Chuunin shied back instantly. "Iruka-sensei, I'm sorry."

"What for?", Iruka laughed humourlessly. "It's not that you were weak yesterday."

"I'm sorry", Kakashi repeated, not exactly sure what it was he felt sorry for. "I will better leave now. Will the jutsu vanish until tomorrow morning?"

"Yes", Iruka whispered. "The jutsu will."

-- -- --

Kakashi stood in front of the Memorial Stone the next morning, even more confused than the day before. He hadn't slept much the last night, he'd closed his eyes and instantly been haunted by nightmares that had had him waking up thrashing despite his years and years of shinobi training not to do so. He couldn't remember what he'd dreamed of though, just that it had been horrible. And when the morning had dawned, he'd felt the overwhelming desire to go and make sure that Iruka was alright. So he'd dressed hurriedly and had run through the still sleeping town towards the Chuunin's apartment. And when he'd caught a glimpse of Iruka sleeping safe and sound in his bed, he'd felt so relieved that it had made him dizzy.

And confused him even more.

"What a mess I am", he whispered softly and let his eyes trail over the names engraved in the black stone. "What's happening with me?"

Whatever his deceased companions thought, they didn't tell.

--

Kakashi somehow made it through the day without hurting Iruka. He in fact made it through the day like that because he didn't allow himself to see the Chuunin. Thinking of him, however, was a completely different matter.

--

By the time the sun set, the Copy-nin was pacing the street two blocks from Iruka's apartment house for the fifth time. He wanted to go and check on the Chuunin, he wanted to go and finally talk with him about what was confusing him. But he didn't want to hurt him again.

--

Around midnight, Kakashi finally found the courage to climb up the tree in front of Iruka's window again. He would just take a short look at the Chuunin and then go home again and try to get some sleep. And he would never again think about why he had been able to sleep for hours when with the Chuunin and not think about why he had to be sure about him being safe suddenly and not-

The window opened and Iruka looked at him, dressed in a large t-shirt and a pair of boxers, his hair open and tousled. "Would you like to come in, Kakashi-sensei?", he whispered, his voice sounding almost defeated.

"I…" Kakashi blinked. "I would like to… I…"

"Yes?", the Chuunin murmured.

"I…" Kakashi frowned, unsure what it was he wanted exactly. There was something he wanted, something that he'd never wanted before and that confused him. Something that he knew he shouldn't want but still wanted even more, and therefore he couldn't stop himself when he felt his mouth open.

"I would like to sleep with you." The Copy-nin flinched when the words left his mouth without his permission.

Iruka first gasped, then closed his eyes. "Please, Kakashi-sensei", he whispered. "I know I said that you could do anything you want with me, but please don't demand that from me. Please don't force me to have sex with you, I don't think I could stand that."

"No, I didn't mean that!", Kakashi assured hastily. "I wasn't thinking of that! I just… I just… I want to sleep here again." He hadn't realised how much, in fact, until he found himself saying it out loud now.

"Why?", Iruka whispered.

"Because… because I slept here." The Jounin took a deep breath. "I haven't slept like that in years, not ever probably. And I want to know if it will happen again. I'm sorry if I hurt you again with asking for this. If that's the case, I will leave immediately."

He saw Iruka blink. "You just… you want to sleep here?"

"Yes. Just like two nights ago. And only if it's alright for you", Kakashi assured.

"And you would leave if I asked you to?"

"Yes. I never intended to hurt you, Iruka-sensei. What you did… it confuses me, but I never thought of hurting you for it."

"It… confuses you?" Iruka looked at him in disbelief. "You mean it doesn't… disgust you? I don't disgust you?"

"No." Kakashi shook his head. "You just confuse me." Like now. Why should the Chuunin disgust him? It should rather be the other way around.

Iruka blinked, then he suddenly started to laugh. "God, what a mess", he gasped, "what a stupid mess." He shook his head, still laughing, and then started to sob suddenly. "Wh-what a m-mess."

"Iruka-sensei", Kakashi gasped, jumped into the room and hurried to his side. "Iruka-sensei, what's wrong?" Was he hurt? Injured? Poisoned maybe?

"Everything", the Chuunin sobbed. "God, everything's s-so wrong and I… I can't…"

"Do you want me to leave?", Kakashi asked softly while he hesitantly moved his hand to stroke the other's back, careful not to come too close to the spine being the most vulnerable part not to seem trying to harm him. "Am I hurting you again?"

"Yes", Iruka gasped. "You're hurting me. But please don't leave."

"I don't understand that." Kakashi frowned and then slowly leaned forward to wrap his arms around the Chuunin like he had seen Iruka do it with some of his students sometimes. It had always seemed to work. "I don't understand."

"Me neither", Iruka whispered and placed his head on the Jounin's shoulder. "I don't understand this and I don't understand you and I don't understand myself anymore."

"Do you want me to leave?", Kakashi asked again although he felt that he desperately wanted to stay. He wasn't sure why though, because he was everything but comfortable right now. In his current position with the Chuunin in his arms, he wouldn't be able to defend himself properly. And, furthermore, he was quite sure that Iruka wasn't well because he was baring his throat and neck to him openly. And that was nothing if not dangerous. Kakashi could think of thirty-three ways to kill him and he wouldn't even need a weapon for any of them.

"No." Iruka shook his head. "Stay here tonight and let us sleep just like two nights ago. I don't want to think about anything right now."

Kakashi nodded. Not thinking sounded good.

-- -- --

When Kakashi awoke the next morning, he found himself spooned up against a still sleeping Iruka. Resisting the sudden urge to run somewhere safe and instead closing his eyes again, the Jounin tried to figure out what it was he was experiencing at that moment.

He felt unease because of his reduced possibilities to move, but that wasn't even the strongest sensation. There was wonder, wonder why Iruka slept soundly next to him although he could kill the Chuunin easily, although there weren't any weapons for him to defend himself against the shinobi, the killer next to him. And there also was relief, relief that he'd again slept without disturbance. And warmth, not only from Iruka's body beside him but also a little from within himself. Maybe. And something else… something like… something like wonder and relief and warmth, but different in many ways. But he wasn't able to name it.

"I don't know…", he whispered absentmindedly, then regretted it immediately when Iruka started to stir and squirm.

"Kakashi-sensei?", he whispered without opening his eyes.

"Yes?", Kakashi answered, steeling himself in case the Chuunin would attack. It wasn't the nicest thing to wake up with a killer pressed against your back.

"So it wasn't a dream." Iruka sighed. "I was almost sure. Real life's not that… surreal. Normally, I mean."

"Do you wish it was a dream?"

"Do you?"

Kakashi thought about that. "I'm not sure."

"Me neither." Iruka sighed. "Do you hate me, Kakashi-sensei?"

"No." The Jounin shook his head. "I have no reason to hate you." The Chuunin had neither tried to kill or harm him nor to betray the village. So he had no reason to hold a grudge against him. And hatred… he wasn't even sure how that felt.

"Then I'm quite sure that I don't want everything to be a dream." Iruka turned until he lay on his back and opened his eyes. "But it's still weird to have you here again. I was so sure you would never…" He shook his head.

"I slept again", Kakashi told him. "I didn't even wake once." He frowned a little when he saw the other open himself for any attack again. Iruka was a Chuunin, how was it possible that he didn't see the danger he was in?

"That's good." Iruka smiled up at the ceiling, soft, gentle and sad. "And now?"

"I don't know." Kakashi sighed and turned until he also lay on his back, body tense and senses still on high alert. "Iruka-sensei?"

"Yes?"

"You said that you love me. Is that true?" Maybe that was the reason why he didn't take any measures to defend himself?

"Yes." The Chuunin closed his eyes.

"Why?" Love had to be dangerous if it even made you close your eyes while lying next to a killer who knew fifty-eight ways to kill you without a sound in less than five seconds.

Iruka laughed softly. "I don't know. I just do it."

"Can't you explain it to me?" Why people wanted it although it was dangerous. Why anybody even took those unnecessary risks. Why people thought it was worth to risk getting hurt or betrayed or maybe even killed because love seemed to make vulnerable.

"You can't explain love, Kakashi-sensei. It's just… everything I feel when you're with me or when I think of you." Iruka sighed. "I wish I could explain it better."

"Oh." Kakashi frowned. But how was he supposed to understand it if the Chuunin couldn't explain it to him? How was he supposed to understand how Iruka could be a shinobi and still love, and love someone like him furthermore? And he wanted to understand it, wanted it desperately, wanted to know if a shinobi was able to have emotions.

"Can you…" Kakashi fell silent. He wasn't sure if he could say it. Saying it would expose him to the danger of opening to Iruka like the Chuunin did to him, and therefore of maybe getting attacked by him when he wasn't able to defend himself. Saying it would also mean to accept that he might have been wrong all of his life. Saying it would mean to betray his duty towards his village, at least a little. Saying it would mean to change, and every change he'd ever experienced in his life hadn't been for the better.

"Can I?", Iruka whispered and opened his eyes again, then turned his head towards him. "What is it, Kakashi-sensei?"

But if he said it now and took the risk… Was there a possibility that his life could change for the better? That Iruka could help him to become human? Maybe being human meant taking unnecessary risks. Maybe being human meant to open, to… to trust. He had never trusted anybody except himself. Shinobi didn't trust when it wasn't strictly necessary, and if they did, then only in another's abilities. But shinobi fought alone.

But maybe humans didn't? Maybe being human meant to trust and to love and to… to not be alone? He'd always been alone, his whole life, and he had never minded. And he had never thought about it. Being alone had been just the way his life had been, he had never understood why other people searched company. Company meant danger, vulnerability. And love meant that, too, he guessed.

Kakashi turned his head and looked into Iruka's deep, brown eyes regarding him with slight worry. And the Chuunin still just lay there, no sign of readiness to defend, no sign of awareness of the danger Kakashi meant. The Copy-nin wasn't sure why Iruka did this, but he knew that the Chuunin wasn't stupid or reckless. So that meant that he… trusted him? Although he was a killer?

"Do you trust me not to harm you?", Kakashi whispered, strangely afraid to talk out loud and shatter this… this thing, this whatever was happening at the moment. It seemed fragile.

"You said you wouldn't", Iruka whispered back. "Why should you lie to me?"

Yes, he'd said that. But the Chuunin couldn't be sure that he'd meant it, and still… And he'd already trusted him not to harm him after their first night in his bed. Kakashi could have easily killed him the moment he had woken up, and still Iruka had trusted him not to.

Maybe that was the reason why he'd been able to sleep next to the Chuunin? Because Iruka had trusted him and let his guard down completely? Maybe he had just needed that? And maybe he could have that again if he just let himself become human? If he let Iruka love him and… and…

"Iruka-sensei?"

"Yes?"

"Can you…" Kakashi swallowed. "Can you teach me to love you?"

"Can… I…" Iruka gasped. "What… what do you mean?"

"I don't know how", Kakashi whispered. "I've never loved. Because shinobi aren't supposed to love. But you do it still, although you're shinobi, too. And I… and I want to know how it feels." He'd made his decision. His life had always been dark, full of duty and violence. He wanted it to change, he needed it to change. He hadn't known it before, but now he realised that he had been about to fade, had been about to vanish from this life, every day a little more, that he already was barely there anymore. And maybe Iruka could save him.

"You've never loved?", the Chuunin asked incredulously.

"I have always been shinobi." Kakashi closed his eyes although it took all of his willpower to take the risk connected with that. But he wanted to show Iruka that he was willing to trust and learn. He wanted to prove that to himself, too. "I've never been anything other than shinobi." And he just knew that Iruka was his one and only chance to change that.

"Kakashi-sensei, I…"

"Please", the Jounin whispered. "You say that you love me. If you're able to love a man like me who's not even human, then you can also teach me to love you back, can't you? Can you please try, Iruka-sensei? Please, I… I don't want to fade anymore."

"Oh, Kakashi", Iruka gasped. "I didn't know that." He reached out and embraced the Copy-nin gently. "I didn't know that you felt so lonely. I'm so sorry that I didn't see it."

"Will you try?", Kakashi asked softly and forced himself not to push him away although the closeness made his senses scream. "Will you try, Iruka?"

"Yes. Yes, Kakashi." The Chuunin tightened his embrace. "I will try. I will teach you."

"Thank you." Kakashi buried his face against his chest, ignoring his instincts that were screaming at him to get away, to bury himself behind traps and weapons and not change, not take the risk Iruka meant for him. "Thank you." But maybe he would learn how to love, how to live, how to make his life worth living. How to be human.

-- -- -- -- --

tbc

.

--

AN2:

I feel that I should explain some things that made me write this the way I did.

First of all, if you think that Kakashi is OOC in this, great, do that, your own choice. But this is just the way I truly believe he is. It's funny to write him aloof and cool and all that, but I think he is not like that. I believe that somebody forced to become a killer from the age of five on and then always being used as a tool for others simply can't know anything about human matters. I see Kakashi as somebody giving a hard, know-it-all appearance on the outside but being unsure about most social things on the inside. Taking in consideration that everybody who could have taught him anything had been shinobi, too, and left him at a young age, I can't see where he should have taken up anything about being a human. This is also the reason why I think Iruka is perfect for him. Iruka is warm, caring and loveable and he doesn't give a flying damn on the 'ignore your emotions'-rule. He's in my eyes the only one able to save Kakashi from becoming an empty shell completely after all that's been done to him.

So, to make things short, I completely accept your opinion if you think Kakashi is OOC, I just won't share it. I think the only way to write him OOC is to make him being indifferent towards his comrades and not letting him see teamwork as a priority. Other than that, given how little we know of him, everything is interpretable.

Nayru


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: T for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 2 of ?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

AN1:

I'm sorry for the long delay, I had this chapter finished already a week ago but things happened and I didn't find the time to get it up. I promise I'll try to be a better Nayru with the next one.

.

--

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter __2__ – But wouldn't weapons show that I care?_

Kakashi watched Iruka move in the kitchen and make pancakes while he thought about how the Chuunin had already changed his life. Before Iruka, he'd never slept so close to another person, never even wanted to be this close at all, and he'd also never had breakfast with anybody after waking up right beside them. And he'd never felt the wish to feel before. Or at least never realised it.

He'd also never before been so _frightened._

"Would you like apples in your pancakes?", Iruka asked.

"I…" Kakashi frowned and looked at his back, once again marveling about how easy, how trusting and carefree Iruka was while being around him. "I don't know. I never had pancakes with apples." But apples… apples were alright, healthy, easy to find and nutritious. Good shinobi food. He often ate apples.

"Oh, apple pancakes are good." The Chuunin turned towards him and smiled. "But if you want, I also have cinnamon. Or syrup. Or you could have all of it at once. Naruto always does that, it's a huge mess but he says it's good." The smile became even warmer, brighter.

"You know…" Kakashi bit his lower lip. "I never had pancakes with cinnamon or syrup either." Cinnamon and syrup weren't what a shinobi was supposed to eat to stay in shape, he guessed. That and he didn't really trust Naruto's taste. That kid ate chicken ramen with strawberry jam, he'd seen it.

"Not?" Iruka frowned. "Then you want them without anything?"

"No, I…" The Jounin looked down at his hands. "I never had pancakes at all." He could feel himself blush in embarrassment although he wasn't sure why never having eaten pancakes was something to be embarrassed about. But luckily his mask covered it.

"You… Never?", he heard Iruka ask incredulously.

"M-mh." Kakashi shook his head. Pancakes were for humans, for living, feeling humans, not for shinobi.

"Then you will have some with apples and syrup and cinnamon now", Iruka declared. "And maybe I even have some of Naruto's chocolate syrup left somewhere. Or jam. And I won't let you stand up from that table again before you haven't at least tried everything. Oh, and I will make vanilla sauce for you, too."

Kakashi looked up at him in surprise to see the Chuunin smile at him gently. "Yes, please", he whispered.

Pancakes. Pancakes were for humans. And Iruka would help him to become one.

--

"It's weird", Iruka whispered.

"Hm?", Kakashi questioned and looked up at the Chuunin's back from his empty plate he'd just taken the last bite of pancake from. They had been great. He'd never known that something as good as apple pancakes even existed. And _apple pancakes with vanilla sauce_. So, so, sooo good! Maybe, if he was really good, Iruka would make them more often for him? He very much hoped so.

"It's weird", the Chuunin repeated without turning around. "I'm a teacher, and I thought about it for nearly an hour now, but still I don't know how I shall teach you how to love me."

"Do you mean… that you can't do it?", Kakashi whispered sadly. But he wanted it. He wanted to know how it was to be human and to feel and to love. He wanted… he wanted to have apple pancakes and vanilla sauce and everything else that came with being a human.

"I don't know." Iruka turned around very slowly and only looked at him after the Copy-nin had quickly pulled up his mask again. "It's different from everything else I have taught yet. It's… it's so very different from anything before and so much more important to me personally. And I'm a little afraid that I might not be able to do it although I want it so much."

"But you will try?", Kakashi asked hopefully.

"Yes." Iruka smiled at him. "I will try my best. You probably can't imagine what it means to me to be able to try and make you love me. I just don't exactly know how to do it." He sighed. "But I think that maybe it would be a good start to… to…" The Chuunin bit his lower lip.

"Yes?" Kakashi would do anything if it gave him the chance to change. He didn't want to fade anymore, wanted to live finally.

"I thought that… that maybe we should have a relationship, you know", Iruka whispered and blushed deeply. "I mean, not a real relationship, but… No. I mean, still a real relationship because it will be real if we both want to love each other, but… but without anything physical at the beginning. Just… just being together and getting to know each other better and… and trying to make you love me."

"A relationship?" Kakashi had never had a relationship. But then, relationships were for humans, just like pancakes, and he wanted to become human. There was only one thing… "Can I sleep here if we have a relationship? In your bed? Next to you?"

"Sleep here?" Iruka blushed softly. "If… if you want…"

"Then it's okay." As long as he could sleep next to Iruka.

"Okay?" Iruka smiled hesitantly at first, then more confidently. "Okay." He nodded.

"Okay." Kakashi looked at the Chuunin, then at his hands. He had a relationship with Iruka now, a real relationship. He didn't feel different though, but maybe that would come later. For now, he had a relationship.

"It's rather awkward, isn't it?", Iruka murmured. "I mean… to start it by negotiating the terms almost."

"Don't relationships normally start like that?", Kakashi asked. "If you allow somebody to come close to you, don't you necessarily have to make sure both know what's alright and what isn't?" He would do it like that, but that probably was the shinobi way, not the human way.

"Oh." He could see Iruka frown deeply. "I think you're right, Kakashi." The Chuunin smiled broadly. "Yes. Yes, you're right."

"Yes?!" The Jounin's eyes widened in surprise. He had been right? About something _human?!_

"Yes." Iruka grinned. "It seems I'm a better teacher than I thought. Or it's just that you're the genius you're supposed to be." He turned around to the stove. "Do you want more pancakes?"

"Yes, please. With apples. And vanilla sauce." Kakashi tried a small smile under his mask, imitating the Chuunin. Not a bright, don't-annoy-me or I-try-to-annoy-you smile but a small, honest, warm smile like Iruka's. It felt a little unusual to do so, but it was okay. And he had a relationship, he'd understood something human and he would get even more apple pancakes. Becoming human was quite nice.

-- -- --

Being shinobi sometimes sucked.

Kakashi couldn't help but scowl darkly while he limped his way towards the Hokage Tower to hand in his mission report. He'd taken down five missing nin on his own, on a mission which's information had made him expect at most two. Numbers one to three hadn't been a huge problem, at least not in the terms of missing nin, and number four had just managed to get a little cut on his arm, but number five had surprised him and almost ripped his leg off with an earth jutsu before he'd been able to take her down. That he'd been able to copy the jutsu was only a small comfort for his slightly mangled leg.

But now that he was back finally, he would have time to spend with Iruka on becoming human. He wasn't sure whether to count the three days spent on the mission to the time of their relationship, but if that was the case, then he had a relationship for three and a half days already. Wow…

"Report Hatake Kakashi", he greeted the Hokage the moment he entered her office, then summed up the events of his mission before he just stood there and let her heal his worst injuries.

Was it allowed to visit one's… relationship partner? Boyfriend? Intended lover? Well, was he allowed to visit Iruka in the middle of the night when just back from a mission? The next day, or more the actual day was a Sunday if he wasn't mistaken, so Iruka didn't have work. And he hadn't slept at all on the mission. And he really, really wanted to sleep next to the Chuunin and maybe even get apple pancakes for breakfast. But was that allowed? It was rather late, or early already. And he was quite dirty. And smelly. But he really would have liked apple pancakes…

"Alright. Now take these pills to help your chakra refill itself, then go and get some sleep", Tsunade ordered. "You've lost quite a lot of blood, your chakra's dangerously low and you look like shit."

"I don't need pills." Kakashi eyed them suspiciously. He rather stayed undrugged. The room was spinning enough already.

"Pills or hospital."

"Pills." He took them and swallowed them dry, his movements too fast for Tsunade to catch a glimpse at his face.

"You'll take tomorrow off. The pills will make you rather dizzy", she ordered.

"Yes, Hokage-sama", Kakashi answered absentmindedly, then turned around and slowly walked out of the office, feeling himself sway slightly from drugs, exhaustion and chakra depletion. Maybe he shouldn't wake Iruka in the middle of the night. It wasn't particularly nice to do such a thing. And maybe he would be able to sleep without the Chuunin next to him. Oh, he was sooo tired… But still… apple pancakes…

Kakashi sighed. He wished he could have asked Iruka how to behave if a mission took him out of the village and back in the middle of the night. But the mission had been urgent and therefore he'd just barely had the time to tell the Chuunin that he had had to leave. Although he would have preferred to stay in the village and learn more about being human from Iruka. But how should he do that if missions kept taking his time? And what if Iruka decided one day that it took too long and just stopped trying to teach him?

Kakashi stopped dead in his steps. He couldn't let that happen!

Decision made, the Jounin let the seals for a transportation jutsu follow immediately, even if it took the last remains of his chakra reserves. "Yo."

"Gah! Hatake!" Tsunade jumped. "Are you nuts?! You can't just jutsu into my office!"

"I can't take any missions in the next time", Kakashi told her. He was distinctly aware that it would have been politer and therefore more human if he had apologised for surprising her first, but politeness wasn't easy to understand for him. He would ask Iruka to help him with that matter later. When the ground wouldn't sway that much anymore.

"No missions? Why not?" Tsunade eyed him suspiciously. "Are your injuries worse than I thought? Or are you sick? Your file says the last time you didn't want any missions was when you had two broken legs and a fractured skull."

"I have a relationship now", Kakashi told her proudly, hearing his voice sound a little muffled and strange in his ears. "With Iruka. And he made me apple pancakes." Mmmmh… apple pancakes…

"That's… really nice", the Sannin said slowly. "Are you sure you aren't sick?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Kakashi nodded but stopped immediately when it made him even dizzier. "I just need time to learn how to love Iruka." And he couldn't risk that the Chuunin lost patience with him and stopped making him human.

"Ooookay…" Tsunade slowly inched back in her chair. "Does Iruka-sensei know about that?"

"But sure." The Copy-nin frowned. "How should we have negotiated the terms otherwise?" Didn't she know _anything_ about relationships? No wonder Jiraiya didn't dare to ask her out…

"Riiight…" Tsunade stood up from her chair and walked towards the door, keeping her back to the wall and her eyes on Kakashi. "Shizune? _Shizune?!_"

"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" Her assistant poked her head inside. "What happened?"

"Could you please go and check on Iruka-sensei right now? Just… just make sure he isn't… tied up on his bed or something? And ask him if he had any… incidents with Hatake Kakashi in the last time?"

"Three and a half days", Kakashi told her, but to his greatest confusion the two women didn't seem impressed. "More like three and three quarters days?", he tried again but only got two shocked stares in return. Maybe one didn't count the time spent away from the other to the relationship then… This was so complicated.

"Hurry!", Tsunade advised her assistant.

"Right." Shizune nodded and ran off.

"Okay, Kakashi", the Sannin said slowly. "I want you to stay exactly where you are, do you understand? I don't want to have to call my ANBU here, alright?"

"But I want apple pancakes", Kakashi murmured. Why was Shizune allowed to visit Iruka in the middle of the night while he had to stay here with her and her ANBU? He was the one having a relationship with the Chuunin, so didn't that mean that he should be the one to visit him? And what if Shizune ate all his-

"You will get apple pancakes", Tsunade assured, then muttered, "Or a nice padded cell…"

"Apple pancakes", Kakashi insisted. "With vanilla sauce." He didn't want a padded cell, he wanted apple pancakes. "Can I go and ask Iruka to make some for me?" He made a step towards the door, but then stumbled suddenly and almost fell, catching himself in the last moment on the Hokage's desk.

"Alright. Sit down before you kill yourself." Tsunade sighed. "And tell me what this is all about."

"I have a relationship with Iruka", Kakashi told her while he carefully sat down on a rather bucking chair. "He helps me to become human. He teaches me to love him."

The Sannin sighed and shook her head. "Kakashi, what did he say to that?"

"He said that he wants to teach me." The Copy-nin blinked when his eye threatened to close on its own. "And he says that he loves me although I don't understand how he can do that."

Tsunade frowned. "You don't understand that?"

"M-mh." Kakashi slowly shook his head. "I'm shinobi. I'm not here to be loved. But still he says he does." He noticed that he still shook his head and stopped. "I want to learn how to have emotions. I don't want to fade anymore."

"And Iruka-sensei said that he wants to help you? And that he loves you?" The Sannin's voice suddenly was gentler than Kakashi had ever heard, but that were probably the drugs, he decided.

"M-hm." He nodded. "But if I have to go on missions very often, maybe he someday won't want it anymore. Maybe he'll stop loving me then. I don't want that. I want him to teach me."

"I understand." Tsunade smiled softly at him. "And I will not send you on missions anymore unless it's very urgent, alright? I'll just give you all the free days you've never taken in your life. But only if you promise to do your best and try to learn how to love Iruka-sensei."

"Alright." Kakashi nodded, then looked up when the door opened. The sight that greeted him was rather unusual, granted, but it still instantly calmed his nerves.

"Tsunade-sama?", Iruka gasped when he hurried inside the room, with his hair unbound and only dressed in a t-shirt, some boxers and an open bathrobe. "Shizune-san said that Kakashi's here? Why do you want to see me? Is he-" He broke off when he caught sight of the Copy-nin, then immediately flew to his side. "Kakashi! How do you feel?"

"Tired", the Jounin murmured. "I-" When Iruka suddenly wrapped his arms around him, he gasped a little, but other than that stayed still. His mind screamed to push the Chuunin away, that he wouldn't be able to defend himself in his weakened state, but his exhausted body just let it happen. And it felt quite warm to have Iruka close, nice…

"I'm so happy that you're back", Iruka whispered. "I was worried."

"Were only five…", Kakashi told him. "No problem…"

"Oh, you stupid…" Iruka released him and straightened up. "I don't care if they were alone or five or fifty. I was worried about you." He smiled softly. "I'm so glad that you're back."

"Then you will make apple pancakes for me?", Kakashi asked hopefully.

"Apple pancakes?" Iruka laughed. "If you want that."

"He didn't think of anything else", Tsunade said. "Oh, except for that he has to learn how to love you fast to make sure that you don't stop loving him first."

"I want to become human", Kakashi whispered. And apple pancakes.

"Oh, Kakashi." Iruka crouched down next to his chair and took one of his hands. "You don't have to worry that I will stop loving you, alright? That won't happen."

"Okay." Kakashi sighed in relief. "I even took a leave to have more time to learn." He tried a tentative Iruka-smile, an I-mean-it smile, noticing that it was easier than the last time already.

"Really?", Iruka asked and smiled back.

"Really", Tsunade told him. "And I want you to do your best to teach him, sensei." She grinned. "It's about time the brat finally gets something good in his life."

"Oh." Iruka blushed. "I… I will."

"And make me apple pancakes?", Kakashi inquired softly. "Tomorrow? No, today? For breakfast?"

"Yes." The Chuunin smiled. "I will make you apple pancakes. With vanilla sauce. And if you want, I will also make you waffles and muffins and chocolate cake and anything else you want."

"M-hm." Kakashi nodded. He'd never had waffles or muffins or chocolate cake before. But if they were anything like apple pancakes, he would make sure to not miss any of them.

-- -- --

Iruka looked younger when he slept, much younger. And more vulnerable, but not in a defenseless way. Only… more fragile somehow. And peaceful. Kakashi found that he liked to look at him.

Well, he would have liked to sleep more, too, but somehow he couldn't anymore. He'd had… hmmm… seven hours of sleep in a row and now he was wide awake. He'd never had this before. He always had needed at least twelve hours of sleep each night, or not sleep, no, more time to try to sleep, then sleep a little, then wake up and then try to sleep again and convince himself that the horrible things he'd seen had only been a dream. But now he slept next to Iruka, he only had to close his eyes and then he could sleep for hours.

And watching Iruka while he slept was good, too. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so… calm.

-- -- --

"Hey, Kakashi!"

Kakashi stopped in his walk to the mission room and instead took a step back and looked into the Hokage's office. He really wondered what she could want from him. He had been about to visit Iruka and see whether the Chuunin had time to explain something to him that he'd been wondering about for quite some time by now.

Why the snorg were those little hearts on everything people gave to each other shaped like they were? They didn't even remotely look like real hearts. And he knew that for sure, having seen quite a share of them over the years.

"Come in, Kakashi. Have a cup of tea with me."

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama", he answered and entered, then closed the door behind himself before he sat down in front of her. Then he quickly jumped up again, bowed and sat back down. Yes, he'd been practicing politeness with Iruka. He still didn't quite grasp why people considered it important, but he could do polite, no problem.

"So, how did you like the waffles?", the Sannin asked, smirking, while she handed him a small cup with steaming tea.

"They were good. And the muffins, too. And the chocolate cake." Kakashi took a careful sip through his mask, but to his relief the tea wasn't spiked with anything. Although he wasn't so sure about the Hokage's cup…

"Better than apple pancakes?" Tsunade was grinning broadly by now.

"No." Kakashi shook his head. Nothing could be better than apple pancakes, he was _absolutely_ sure about that. Even without vanilla sauce. Or no. Especially without vanilla sauce. Vanilla sauce was good, all sweet and yummy, but it overwhelmed the taste of the apple pancakes too much, he'd found. So apple pancakes without anything were best ever.

"I see." The Sannin's grin grew even broader. "And what did you do to thank Iruka-sensei for all that?"

Kakashi looked at her unsurely. "What… what am I supposed to do?" Had he done something wrong? Maybe even disappointed Iruka? Made him sad?

"You didn't do anything?", Tsunade asked, then shook her head. "You can call yourself lucky that Iruka-sensei is too nice than to kick you out for being such a lazy ass."

"I don't want him to kick me out", Kakashi assured. "What should I have done? And can I still do it?" He didn't want Iruka to be angry or sad.

Tsunade sighed but smiled again. "You're hopeless. Just pray that Iruka-sensei's as patient as he seems to be."

"Do you think he'll lose patience with me?", Kakashi asked softly.

"No, you baka." The Sannin snorted. "Lucky baka. But make sure to show him that you are grateful for his efforts sometimes, alright? And not only on anniversaries. Which I hope you'll have very much of, just so you know."

"And how?" Anniversaries? Now what was that again?

"Kakashi…" Another sigh. "Don't you know anything? Give him a present or something. Something nice. Chocolates for example."

"Chocolates?", Kakashi asked incredulously but then remembered having seen Sakura giving some to Sasuke one day. Or trying rather. He cringed at the memory.

"Baka", Tsunade repeated. "Go and find something to make Iruka-sensei happy, alright?"

"But what?" Kakashi frowned. Maybe he could give Iruka some new wea-

"And no weapons or any other ninja supplies", Tsunade said sternly.

"Not?" The Jounin tried not to look too sheepish.

"Not. The presents I'm talking about are… are things that aren't really necessary. You know, things that… that just show that you care."

"But wouldn't weapons show that I care?", Kakashi asked. After all, he wanted Iruka to be safe. And weapons would ensure that. Or medi-kits.

"You still have much to learn." Tsunade shook her head but smiled. "Find something that's nice and makes Iruka-sensei happy. Something that he doesn't get every day and that's… well…" She shrugged. "Luxury."

"Luxury?" Kakashi doubted that Iruka was a person who liked luxury. It somehow didn't seem to fit.

"Hatake", Tsunade growled. "You drive me crazy, you know that?" She sighed. "Okay, listen. Think of something nice to give to Iruka-sensei, and if you don't find anything else, buy him some chocolates. That's not very inventive, but it at least shows that you try. Alright?"

"Alright." Kakashi nodded. He would make Iruka happy somehow, he just needed to figure out how exactly, but that couldn't be that hard, now could it?

--

A stuff bear? Mmmh… No. Too… too stuffy and bear-y. Iruka didn't need anything like that, especially if he was supposed have it in his bed like the girl on that poster. Iruka shouldn't have anything in his bed that could take away the space for Kakashi.

A set of marbles? Maybe, but… No, they were too roll-around-y. Despite being a shinobi, Iruka could have a very, very, very bad day and trip over them and fall and then hurt himself in case Kakashi wasn't there to catch him. Iruka shouldn't be hurt, never.

A cactus? Maybe that small one there? Hmmm… But no, Iruka could get pricked and then the thorns would stay in his skin and hurt him and he wouldn't be happy. And Iruka should be happy.

Oh, that set of shuriken looked handy. Maybe- No, Tsunade had said no weapons. … But still… Maybe the next time. To make sure that Iruka had something to defend himself. Yes. Next time some shuriken and some small kunai and a medi-kit and- oh, better two medi-kits, just in case, and-

Oh, what was that? Oh, one of those, that was nice. Maybe Iruka would like it? But what if he didn't?

--

"Iruka?"

"Kakashi." The Chuunin turned towards the window and immediately smiled gently. "Come in, please."

"Thank you." Kakashi quickly shed his shoes, then reached behind him and took his present from where he'd hung it on his belt. "Iruka?"

"Yes?"

"I… I have something. For you." Kakashi held out the large bag of chocolates he'd chosen at last.

"Chocolates?" Iruka took the present, smiling. "And so many? Kakashi, you shouldn't have."

"Then… then you don't like them?" A cold hand of disappointment seemed to grab the Jounin's heart.

"No, that's not it." Iruka opened the bag carefully. "I'm sure I'll like them. What's in them?"

"Chocolate nut cream." The shop owner had said that those chocolates were his top sellers.

"Oh." Iruka's face fell.

"Iruka?", Kakashi asked, slightly concerned.

"I… I'm sorry, Kakashi." Iruka took a deep breath. "I… you know… I don't really like chocolate nut cream. It's a matter of consistence, I think."

"Oh." Kakashi looked at the Chuunin, then at the bag of chocolates in his hand, and then to the floor. He'd done it wrong, had done everything wrong. But he'd tried so hard, so very hard to find something to make Iruka happy. He'd wandered through the whole village to find something and nothing had been good enough and he'd been so confused about everything.

"I'm so, so sorry, Kakashi." Iruka took a step forward and embraced him. "I'm so sorry."

"I've done it wrong." Kakashi tried to relax at the touch but found that it was hard, even harder than usual. "But I tried. I really tried."

"I know, Kakashi." Iruka rubbed his back gently. "I know. And I can try them, that's okay. Maybe this kind of chocolate nut cream is more my taste than the kind I had before."

"I should have given you the stone", Kakashi whispered but then shook his head. "But that would have been even worse, wouldn't it?", he murmured bitterly. Who had ever heard about giving a stone as a present, now really?

"A stone?"

"Yes." Kakashi sighed. "I found it today." But it was useless, just as useless as those stupid, damn chocolates. Useless as all his pathetic efforts to understand and make Iruka happy and become human.

"And… you wanted to give it to me?"

"M-hm. It has a hole in it, you know." Kakashi sighed once again in defeat and freed himself from the Chuunin's arms before he dag in his pockets for the stone he'd found. "It also has a line on it. I thought it looked like your scar."

"The one on my nose?", Iruka asked, a smile in his voice.

"Yes. Ah, here it is." Kakashi took out the stone. It wasn't big, only about the size of the first part of his thumb, and had a light, sand-like colour. The line on it was grey, almost white, and the small hole almost in the middle.

"It's nice." Iruka took it, smiling, and turned it between his fingers. "Are you collecting stones with holes?"

"No. Yes. Well, not really." Kakashi shrugged. "I pick them up when I see them, but then I somehow lose them again. Don't know. I'm not good at keeping things."

"But I am." Iruka smiled broader. "What about you give me the stones you find and I collect them for you?"

"You want that?" Kakashi couldn't help but smile back. "That would be nice."

"I know." Iruka grinned. "And like that, we will have something just for the two of us." He leaned forward and gently embraced the Copy-nin. "And they all will be wonderful, perfect presents, Kakashi, because each of them will show me that you think of me."

"Hm?" Kakashi frowned, but then understood. Or at least was rather sure that he did. "Oh. Then the stone would have been a better present than the chocolates?"

"It doesn't really matter what you give me, Kakashi", Iruka whispered. "But right now, the stone was a better present than the chocolates. But only because I know that there'll be more stones."

"O… kay…" Kakashi didn't really understand that. But Iruka was happy, and that was all that counted. He would try to make Iruka happy as often as possible.

-- -- --

"Kurenai?"

Kakashi stopped when he heard Asuma's voice around a corner. And Kurenai seemed to be there, too. Now that was handy. He could ask them if they knew something he could make Iruka happy with. And smile.

"Asuma", he heard Kurenai answer when he turned around the corner. "How nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you, too", the bearded Jounin answered, then seemed to… fidget on his place.

Kakashi frowned, unnoticed by them. Something seemed to be wrong.

"Kurenai…" Asuma took a deep breath. "You look very pretty today."

Kakashi frowned deeper. Now what was that about? Kurenai looked just as on every other day.

"Oh", the kunoichi breathed and blushed, then smiled softly. "Thank you, Asuma."

"Eh… Hehe…" Asuma blushed and scratched his head.

Kakashi quietly turned around and walked away. Now that… Asuma had told Kurenai that she looked pretty and she had smiled. He would have to think about that.

--

"Iruka?"

"Yes, Kakashi?"

"Iruka, you…" Kakashi took a deep breath. "You look very pretty today." Hey, that hadn't been that hard.

"I… pretty?", the Chuunin asked in disbelief.

"Yes?", Kakashi tried carefully. Shouldn't Iruka be blushing and smiling now?

"_Pretty?_"

"Not?" Uh-oh, this wasn't going as planned. But why not? He'd done everything just like Asuma, so why didn't it work? Was there some secret behind it? Some kind of trick maybe?

"Kakashi, I'm a man."

"I know." Kakashi frowned. Now that was obvious.

"And still you think I'm _pretty?_"

"I… I…" Kakashi sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Kakashi, why… Kakashi." Iruka shook his head. "No, Kakashi, I am sorry. What… How I reacted. It wasn't right. Sorry."

"Okay?" Kakashi was completely confused now.

"It's just that I'm not used to being called 'pretty', you know." Iruka shrugged, but then smiled. "But thank you very much for the compliment."

"But you don't want me to call you 'pretty'", Kakashi guessed.

"Well, it's… it's… Normally, women are called 'pretty', you know."

"Oh." Kakashi frowned. "Oh. That's why it worked on Kurenai."

"On Kure-" Iruka broke off and the Jounin could see his expression change from confused to angry to sad in a matter of seconds. "Did you tell Kurenai that she was pretty?", he asked softly and turned his head away.

"No!" Kakashi shook his head vigorously. "Asuma did. I only heard it." Kurenai wasn't pretty! She was… she was Kurenai, just that.

"Oh", Iruka breathed. "And… and then you…"

"I saw that she… she liked it, you know. She was smiling and blushing." Kakashi bit his lower lip under his mask. "And then I thought that if I said it to you, you would smile, too…"

"You wanted to make me smile?", Iruka asked softly.

"M-hm." Kakashi nodded. "I like it when you smile." Seeing Iruka smile always made something inside him… change. It seemed to make some of his tension vanish to know that Iruka was smiling only for him because of something he had done.

"Thank you, Kakashi." Iruka smiled at him. "That's wonderful of you." He made a step forward and took the front of the Jounin's vest with both his hands before he closed the space between them and placed his head on his shoulder. "I love you."

"I… I like it when you smile", Kakashi repeated, not knowing what to say else. He carefully wrapped his arms around the Chuunin and stroked over his back but held his uncovered eye on the open window. It wasn't easy but he would stay like this as long as Iruka wanted. And maybe Iruka would smile for him again then.

--

"Iruka. Iruka." Kakashi sighed. "Okay, it's fine now, I got it. You can stop laughing now."

Iruka didn't look as if he wanted to stop. In fact, he didn't even seem to be able to stop.

"Iruka, I understand it, alright?" Kakashi was starting to get a little bit miffed by now. Although he had to admit that it felt good to see Iruka laugh so whole-heartedly.

"Al… al… alr-right…", Iruka gasped, choking back more laughter. "I- I- I w-will stop n-now."

"I don't think it's _that_ funny."

"It i-hiisss…" Iruka squeezed his eyes and mouth shut, trembling.

"Is not."

"Y-you should have s-s-seen yourself", the Chuunin panted. "All serious and calm, and then… and then… and th-then…" He broke into another laughing fit.

"It's not funny", Kakashi insisted and swore himself he would never again ask Gai for advice about Iruka. Or about anybody. Or about anything.

"And then you s-s-said, 'You look v-very manly and you-you-youthf-ful today'!", Iruka roared and fell off his chair.

-- -- -- -- --

tbc

.

--

.

AN2:

As you've probably noticed, I tend to… let's say, digress a little within this story. I have the actual main storyline all planned out but I don't feel like just writing it as a constant chain of events. I rather feel like taking my time and filling in bits of not-so-important stuff, just like the stone-thing because I think those kinds of details are what makes this story warm and tender. And since this is my story, you'll have to live with it, I'm afraid. ;-)

Nayru


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: T for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 3 of ?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

--

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter 3__ – And I didn't forget._

Oh, Iruka's hair was so soft. Kakashi carefully took another strand to thicken the one in his fingers. _Really_ soft. His own was rather… wiry, so to say. But Iruka's was soft and smooth, it felt good to let it flow through his fingers. He'd always wondered why anybody would want long hair, it was certainly not very practical and even could catch somewhere, but this… He just hoped that Iruka would never, never decide to cut it, really. And maybe he could ask him to wear it open more often, so he could touch it and always, always look at it.

"Whatcha doin'?", Iruka murmured softly, yawning.

"Touching your hair", Kakashi whispered without letting go of the strand in his fingers. "Please don't cut it, okay?"

"Hm?" Iruka frowned up at him. "Why should I want to cut my hair?"

"Then it's good." Kakashi carefully took yet another strand.

The Chuunin chuckled softly. "I won't ask, alright?" He closed his eyes and snuggled closer, sighing softly.

Kakashi stiffened a little at first, but then relaxed. Oh, and now the soft hair was even closer to his fingers. Nice.

-- -- --

"And then he gave me roses!", a girl at the market squealed. "Red roses!"

"Really?!", her friend gasped. "That's wonderful!"

Kakashi tilted his head while he watched the girls walk away. Flowers, huh?

--

Kakashi fidgeted nervously on the tree outside of the apartment, his present clutched in his left hand. He was impatiently waiting for Iruka to come home and at the same time hoping that the earth would break up and swallow him before he had to face him. He couldn't remember ever having been so nervous and uncomfortable about something supposedly trivial before.

He should have gone and bought a bouquet, he couldn't help but think when he looked at the small flowers in his hand. But he'd been standing in front of the flower shop for two hours, trying to look as if no, he wasn't looking like he was desperately trying to gather the courage to enter. And then he'd given up and had gone for a desperate search for flowers without women watching him funny around them.

Kakashi sighed and looked at the bunch of flowers in his hand. He wasn't even sure whether Iruka liked flowers at all, and daisies furthermore. Compared to roses, they looked kind of… small, plain even. But he had found out that he didn't like roses or lilies or daffodils or all those other pretty flowers. They were too bright, too colourful, too… too much in his opinion. And Iruka wasn't all that. He wasn't small or plain either, but he wasn't too much. He was just… just Iruka. He liked that. Iruka didn't make him feel stupid or clumsy even if he didn't understand something human, Iruka just smiled and maybe even laughed softly and then explained it to him once again. He liked that, and he had found that he even liked having Iruka around, that it had become less and less difficult to relax when the Chuunin was with him – or at least 'relax' in the shinobi way, he was still working at relaxing the human way.

What was still bothering him though were all those touches, all those embraces. He had managed not to flinch anymore when Iruka did that suddenly, but still… It was dangerous to embrace somebody. Everybody could take advantage of that and attack at right that moment and-

"Kakashi?"

He jumped in surprise and almost fell from the tree but caught himself in the last moment. "I… Iruka?"

"But sure." The Chuunin smiled at him from the open window. "You were quite lost in thoughts, weren't you?"

"I… erm…" Kakashi felt himself blush a little. He'd really been lost in thoughts. Out in the open! Without any precautions to protect himself!

"Don't you want to come in?" Iruka was grinning by now. "You know, as in instead of sitting on that tree? Or you could use the door."

"Oh… alright." Kakashi quickly jumped into the apartment, shed his shoes one-handedly and then turned around. "Iruka?"

"Yes?"

Kakashi held out his hand holding the flowers. "For… for you."

"For me?" Iruka smiled and took them carefully. "Thank you, I was already wondering what you were doing with flowers."

"I… I held them. To give them to you." Kakashi almost winced at that. Really eloquent.

"I see." The smile on the Chuunin's face stayed gentle and warm, and he smelled at the small flowers. "Is there a special occasion?"

"Yes, it's our anniversary." Kakashi grinned proudly. And he hadn't forgotten that. Go him!

"Our anniversary?", Iruka asked and frowned. "What anniversary?"

"Our one-week anniversary." Kakashi practically beamed. "And I didn't forget." He'd even looked that word up in a dictionary!

"Our…" Iruka frowned deeper. "But we've been together for… for ten days already."

"Oh." Kakashi's smile faltered. "Then you count the time I was on that mission, too?" Oh no, he'd misunderstood again. And he'd missed their real one-week anniversary.

"But sure you count that time", Iruka said softly, smiling again. "I can't remember breaking up before you left."

"Oh…", Kakashi breathed and looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry that I didn't do it right."

"But you did everything perfectly, Kakashi." A hand came into his view and gently lifted his chin up. "I'm very happy."

"You are?"

"Yes, so very, very happy." Iruka placed his hand on the Jounin's cheek, and Kakashi even managed not to jump away at the touch on his mask, if barely. "Your flowers are wonderful, thank you very much. And it's really sweet that you want to celebrate our one-week anniversary."

"Don't you normally do that?", Kakashi asked. Had he done that wrong, too?

"I guess most people don't." Iruka smiled softly. "But that's no reason why we shouldn't. And it doesn't matter that it's been more than a week already. We can celebrate our ten-days anniversary."

"You do that, too? And what about the two-weeks anniversary? And twenty days? And a month, too? And-"

"Kakashi", Iruka laughed. "Calm down. You don't have to celebrate any anniversary at all. Only if we both want that."

"And… and do you want that?", Kakashi asked carefully. Oh, this was so complicated!

"We don't have to. We can celebrate whenever you want, there's no need for a special date." Iruka smiled. "And I certainly don't want you to spend all your money on flowers."

"I… I didn't buy them. I didn't like the flowers in the shop."

"Why not?"

"They were… they weren't right for you. They were too… too much. Too… shrill. I didn't like them." Kakashi sighed. "I'm sounding like an idiot, I know, but I can't explain it better."

"No", Iruka whispered. "I think I understand. So you picked these flowers yourself."

"M-hm." Kakashi nodded. "On the ground near the Memorial Stone. There are many of them, you know." He stepped from one foot to the other. "Do you like them?"

"They're the best flowers I've ever been given. I love them", Iruka whispered and took a step forward before he embraced him gently. "I love you, Kakashi."

"Oh, I… I…" Kakashi did his best not to stiffen at the contact while he tried to find the right words to say. 'I know' sounded weird, and 'That's nice' probably wasn't appropriate either, so what-

"You don't have to say anything", he heard Iruka whisper softly. "Just promise me that you'll never say that you love me if you don't really do it, okay?"

"Okay", Kakashi whispered back and carefully placed his arms around his waist. He wanted to say those words to Iruka one day, and he would do his best to achieve that.

-- -- --

Kakashi was bored. Really bored. And that was… unusual. Usually, he could slouch against a wall or sit on a tree and stay there the whole day while dozing and napping on and off. But now he could barely sit still for some minutes and then had to go and move or do something. He was even considering challenging Gai.

Weird…

He'd just go and search new stones with holes for Iruka. And then go to the Academy afterwards and watch Iruka teach.

-- -- --

Kakashi awoke and immediately had to suppress the urge to jump and draw a weapon and attack. He swallowed and reminded himself that it was only Iruka lying on him with almost all of his body, only Iruka who would never hurt him, only Iruka who loved him. And that the curtains weren't shut completely wasn't a problem either, nobody would try to attack him by throwing a kunai at him when he wasn't able to stand up or move properly. And that attacker wouldn't succeed in doing that although he couldn't move fast enough, and he would also not succeed in hurting Iruka although the Chuunin lay on him, and he couldn't pierce his throat with the kunai and not kill Iruka and not kill Iruka andnotkillIrukaandnotkillIrukaand-

Kakashi bolted. In less than ten seconds he had thrown Iruka and the bed sheets to the floor not visible from the window, jumped up from the bed, drawn two kunais and five shuriken and closed the curtains. He was just taking a deep, calming breath in his crouched position next to the window when Iruka's head emerged from the sheets.

"Kakashi!", the Chuunin yelled, his eyes wide in shock. "What happened?!"

"I…" Kakashi wasn't really sure how to explain himself suddenly.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Iruka wriggled free from the sheets and approached him, then reached out with his arms to embrace him. "Everything's fine, I'm here for you if you want."

"No." Kakashi shook his head and crawled a little backwards. "It's just… I… you… you were too close."

"Too close?", Iruka asked with wide eyes.

"Yes. You know, too close. Like in… in…" Kakashi bit his lip under his mask. "You're always coming close and lying on me and that and… and that… it's dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

"Yes." Kakashi nodded. He'd meant to tell the Chuunin that for a while by now, that he couldn't take the risk to be attacked and unable to move and defend himself and Iruka. It just was too dangerous.

"I don't understand…", Iruka murmured and looked away.

"You… you know, you always come close and… and cling to me and… and that's dangerous." Kakashi sighed. "I don't… I don't like that." He didn't like the feeling to be unprepared, vulnerable, in danger. And he didn't like the thought of Iruka being in danger.

"You don't like it when I… when I'm close to you?", Iruka whispered, still looking at the floor. "And when I… when I embrace you?"

"Yes, that's what I mean. That embracing and all that." Kakashi nodded, relieved that the Chuunin saw his point. "That's dangerous."

"I see." Iruka looked up and for a second, the Copy-nin could see an utterly pained expression on his face, but then an obviously faked smile replaced that. "That's… that's fine", the Chuunin said cheerily, the frozen smile still in place. "If… if you don't want me to touch you, then… then I just will stop it. Alright? I mean, it's no big deal and all, and… and… and…" He gasped softly.

"Iruka?", Kakashi asked, concerned. "Iruka, is something wrong?" He had upset the Chuunin, it seemed, but he couldn't quite grab how.

"Everything's perfect." Iruka smiled brightly, cheerily, falsely. "Perfect. I will… I will just… just stop it, that's alright." He swallowed hard. "I will make breakfast now." And with that, he stood up hastily and hurried out of the room.

Kakashi looked at the open door, confused beyond anytime he'd experienced yet. Obviously, something wasn't right with Iruka, something was even completely wrong. And it had to be his fault, he was certain of that. But he had only wanted to protect the Chuunin, just make sure that he was safe and sound and not in danger because of him.

The thought that he had hurt Iruka again made Kakashi's chest clench painfully.

"Iruka?", he asked softly and left the bedroom. "Iruka, please tell me what I did wrong." He saw the Chuunin stand in the kitchen, his head bent over the sink. "Iruka?"

"It's… fine", Iruka whispered, straightened up and looked out of the window, his back still towards the Jounin. "It's alright if you don't l-like it when I'm close to you."

"It's not fine", Kakashi murmured. "You lie to me."

"So?" He heard the Chuunin laugh bitterly. "And that bothers you? You were lying to me, too."

"That's not true!", Kakashi gasped. "I didn't-"

"You did", Iruka interrupted him. "But that doesn't matter, now does it? It doesn't matter that you don't really want to love me. Not to you at least."

"But I want that!", Kakashi defended himself. "I think I've never wanted anything as much as that."

"It's alright, Kakashi-sensei." Iruka shook his head. "You can stop pretending now. And I have to congratulate you on your choice of punishment for me. You couldn't have hurt me worse."

"But I don't pretend that", Kakashi whispered, his throat thick from fear and hurt at seeing Iruka hurt. "I don't do that." He didn't know what to do, didn't know what he'd done wrong and how to make it right again. And he wanted to make it right, wanted to stop the hurt in the Chuunin's voice and the pain inside himself.

"Just go", Iruka whispered. "Please, just go, Kakashi-sensei, and don't… don't ever come back. I learned my lesson, believe me."

"No." Kakashi shook his head desperately. "I don't want to go. I want to learn to love you and to become human and I want to stay here and-"

"Go!", Iruka shouted suddenly and his whole body started to shake. "You had your fun with me, now go!"

"No, please!" Kakashi didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave, didn't want to lose his one and only chance to change. He didn't want to lose Iruka.

Without thinking about it, Kakashi jumped forward and clutched the Chuunin's body from behind to his chest desperately. If he had to, he would just hold Iruka like this forever, just refuse to let him go ever again. He wasn't going to let him go, wasn't going to let his only chance slip from him.

"I don't want to go", he whispered into Iruka's neck, refusing to listen to his senses telling him that his back was towards a window and he had no weapons and should better get the hell away from that open position. "I don't want to go, Iruka. Please don't send me away, I will try to make it good again, I promise. Just tell me what I did wrong and I will make it good again, please, Iruka."

"What you did wrong?", the Chuunin whispered, his body stiff in the embrace. "You want to tell me that you don't know? Kakashi-sensei, that's ridiculous. Please stop this now and leave me alone."

"I don't know, really, Iruka." Kakashi tightened his embrace. "I just… I just woke up and you were on me and I couldn't move properly and the curtains were open and everybody could have seen and attacked us. I just wanted to make sure that we're safe."

"Safe? We're in the middle of the town. And on the first floor."

"I know…" Kakashi sighed. "I know that. And I know that it's unlikely that somebody attacks us, but…" He sighed again. "I can never be sure that I'm safe. I have many enemies, and now there's also you and you're in danger because of me and I had to protect you."

"You… wanted to protect me?", he heard Iruka whisper, his body tensing even more. "Is… You're not lying?"

"No, I'm not, I promise. I wanted to protect you." The Jounin carefully loosened his grip around him not to hurt him but still refused to let go. "And I can't do that properly when you're lying on me or standing in front of me too closely or embracing me."

"Is that why you don't like to be close to me?"

"Yes. No." Kakashi sighed. "I… I think I like to be close to you. It's warm and… and it feels weird, but a nice kind of weird. But it's dangerous."

"Then… then you didn't mean it?", Iruka whispered, trembling softly. "You didn't mean that you don't like to be with me? And you didn't want to hurt me?"

"No", Kakashi whispered back when all of what he'd done to the Chuunin by saying something so stupid came crashing down on him suddenly. "I'm sorry that I hurt you again, Iruka. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't understand that it would hurt you if I said things like that."

"It's… it's alright." Iruka nodded, his body relaxing a good bit, and turned his head to look at him. "It's alright. I think I overreacted. It's just… it's just that I thought suddenly that you had been playing with me all the time. And that you hated to be with me. And… and now that I know how it is to be with you and hope that you will love me back one day… I couldn't stand the thought that it should have been all faked."

"It's not faked, Iruka", Kakashi whispered. "I… I don't want it to be faked. I want to become human and learn to love you."

"That makes me happy, Kakashi", Iruka whispered. "You can't imagine how much."

"That's good." The Jounin smiled softly. "I like to see you happy."

"Is that why you're still holding me? It's fine, Kakashi, you can let me go now if you're uncomfortable with it." Iruka sighed. "It won't be easy but I will try not to come too close to you anymore."

"I didn't… I didn't think about it", Kakashi whispered in utter surprise. "I didn't notice that I still…" He let go of Iruka and took a step back.

"And… and now?" The Chuunin turned around to him and looked at him with so much hope in his eyes that Kakashi's breath hitched at the intensity. "Do you think that you can… can get used to it?"

"I…" The Copy-nin frowned. It was true, he hadn't felt uncomfortable at all when he'd been able to forget about the open window and just focused on Iruka alone. At first he'd wanted to have the Chuunin close to him so he wouldn't lose his chance to become human, and then he'd stopped thinking about it at all.

But it had felt good, he realised suddenly. Once Iruka had started to believe him and relaxed, it had felt… good to hold him, warm and nice and… and alive. He'd liked it.

"Kakashi?", Iruka whispered softly. "You don't have to decide anything now."

"Can we try it again?", Kakashi asked. "I mean, can I embrace you again?"

Iruka's eyes became wide. "Yes", he breathed. "Yes, I want that." He stepped forward and raised his arms to wrap them around the Jounin's neck.

"No." Kakashi shook his head. "Not like that, please. Can't you… can't you embrace me around the waist?" That way, he would have his arms completely free just in case it should be necessary.

"Okay." Iruka smiled and nodded, then did as wished before he placed his head against the Jounin's shoulder.

"Okay…" Kakashi slowly lifted his arms and wrapped them around the Chuunin carefully, then waited. He knew about the windows with the open curtains right behind and in front of him but tried to ignore them. Iruka was right, there was nothing to worry about. They were in Konoha and nobody except the Hokage knew that he was with the Chuunin. He didn't have to worry, he could focus on how it felt to hold Iruka in his arms.

It felt… weird.

Kakashi smiled. The good kind of weird. The good, warm, nice kind of weird.

"It feels good", he whispered softly.

"Really?", Iruka whispered back. "Then do you mean that… we can do it from now on? Sometimes at least? We can close the curtains if you want."

"That would be nice." Kakashi nodded. "I want to do this more often from now on." He liked it very much, he realised, to have a warm, so very alive Iruka so close to him. Iruka was so very, very human, so alive. The Jounin wanted to become just like him and he had the – rather stupid, he knew that – impression that if he held him close, he would get there faster.

Why he hadn't realised that sooner was completely beyond him.

"Mmmmh…", Iruka sighed softly. "Go back to bed?"

"Good idea." Kakashi reluctantly let go and waited for Iruka to go to the bedroom before he followed and crawled back into the bed beside him. Without thinking about it, he immediately pulled Iruka close again to lie next to his side. Warm. Warrrrrm.

"I'm happy", the Chuunin whispered. "I'm so very happy that you allow me to be close to you. I didn't realise how much it bothered you at first, but… but that you decided to let me close makes me feel warm."

"M-hm." Kakashi nodded. He too felt warm, and that Iruka felt the same made him feel something else, something like happiness, but even stronger.

The Chuunin chuckled softly. "You know, we just got through our first fight."

"Oh. That's good?"

"It's good that we got through it." Iruka tilted his head up and smiled. "I love you, Kakashi."

"I…" Kakashi wanted to answer something, wanted to say something to him that made him happy. "Iruka, I…" He smiled when an idea came. "I want to love you, Iruka."

Iruka's smile was nothing less than perfect.

-- -- --

There was a little scar on the back of Iruka's left hand. It was almost not visible, only a thin white line on the tan skin. Other than that, the Chuunin's hands were free of scars. They were calloused, that too, but there were no more scars, like on Kakashi's pale ones. And something else was different, apart from scars and colour. Iruka's fingers were a little bit shorter than his, and a little thicker than his own. They looked less bony and somehow healthier and-

"Aren't you done staring at my hands yet?", Iruka chuckled. "The water's boiling and I really should go and make the tea now."

"I like your hands", Kakashi murmured and turned the one in his grip to look at the palm. "They're warm." And they were gentle, always so gentle when they touched him.

"That's because you hold them." Iruka carefully squeezed the Jounin's hands. "You make me feel warm, Kakashi."

"Oh." Kakashi frowned. "Really?" Like Iruka made him feel warm?

"Really", the Chuunin laughed.

-- -- --

Kakashi fidgeted, unsure whether or not he should say something. But he couldn't stand this anymore, or no, he didn't want to have to stand this anymore. Iruka wasn't like that, normally, and he had to tell him about what that cursed stuff did to him.

"You shouldn't drink so much coffee."

Iruka looked up, blinking. "I'm sorry?"

"You shouldn't drink so much coffee", Kakashi repeated. The mug standing on his table was the seventh of the day already. And it was a big mug. And Iruka drank his coffee black.

"I…" The Chuunin arched an eyebrow. "And why not?"

"Because you don't sleep well if you've drunk much coffee during the day. I know that because you keep rolling around when we're in bed. I can't sleep then either." Not to mention how often Iruka had to go to the bathroom to get rid of the coffee.

"Oh, I'm _terribly_ sorry if I keep you awake." The eyebrow was lifted even higher. "If I had _known_ that I rob the famous _Copy-nin's_ sleep…"

"And you're not very nice if you've drunk too much coffee", Kakashi murmured. "Like now. You don't need to be mean to me." That was worst, although he knew that Iruka didn't do it intentionally. It was just the mean, bad, evil coffee speaking.

Iruka's eyes widened. "I… I was… Oh, Kakashi." He quickly jumped up from his chair and hurried over to embrace him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright." Kakashi hugged him tightly. "I don't mind if you're snappy every once in a while. You don't mean it, do you?"

"No, I don't mean to be mean to you." Iruka hid his face in his neck. "I'm so sorry."

"You should better drink tea, I think", Kakashi suggested. Would probably increase the number of bathroom breaks but decrease the snappiness.

"Maybe." Iruka sighed. "I don't normally drink so much coffee, it's just… Final exams are almost up and I also have to grade homework of two more classes because one of my colleagues is sick and another's just given birth and is still on leave. I'm sorry."

"I didn't know you had so much to do." He'd never known how much the Chuunin worked before having a relationship with him. Considering school, mission desk, Hokage paperwork and missions, Iruka probably worked more than any other person in the village.

"There's no reason for you to bother."

"There is", Kakashi contradicted. "You're not happy and I don't like it when you're not happy. And that's why I'll help you if I can." Now that he too meant work for Iruka.

"You don't have to", Iruka whispered.

"I want to." Kakashi carefully tilted the Chuunin's face up with a finger on his chin and smiled at him. "I'll make you tea first and something to eat, and then I'll get you a pillow to sit on and then… Can I help you with the grading, too?"

"Maybe." Iruka smiled softly. "I'll see whether you can. Thank you so much."

"I could take over your shifts at the mission desk, too", Kakashi offered. And have a little talk with Tsunade about overworked and stressed Chuunin.

"I'd really like to see that." A grin bloomed on Iruka's face. "Little Genin scared out of their minds at the thought that they have to give their reports to the famous Copy-nin."

"I would be nice to them." A little.

"But sure." Iruka grinned broader. "And would you be on time, too?"

"Erm… I'll go make you tea now."

-- -- --

He was on a mission. A hunt even. His prey? Unsuspecting, defenseless. His opponent? Fierce, protecting, menacing. But he would succeed. He w-

"Don't you dare to touch the cookies. They're for Anko."

Damn. Caught.

"You can be as sneaky as you want, my Sensei Senses will catch you anyway." Iruka laughed. "Honed by years of having an eye on Naruto."

"But Iruka…" Kakashi eyed the cookies longingly. "They smell really good." And they looked good, too. Almost black from all the chocolate in the dough and the small chocolate chips.

"They're for Anko."

"But Irukaaa…"

"They're Get-Well-Soon-From-Stumbling-Over-A-Stone-And-Spraining-Your-Ankle-After-Coming-Home-From-Your-S-Class-Mission-Cookies for Anko, and they're counted", the Chuunin specified. "You'll only get some of them if you do the same mess as her."

"You want me to sprain my ankle?", Kakashi grumbled. But hmm… the cookies definitely looked worth it.

"I want you to sprain your ankle if you want these exact cookies. If you want cookies completely similar to these but not made for Anko, you just have to ask me to make some for you." Iruka smirked.

"When?"

"Right after I brought these to Anko?"

"Mmmh… okay." Kakashi smiled.

"Want to help?"

"Never made cookies before."

"It's easy, I'll teach you." Iruka came over and embraced him. "You can even lick out the bowl afterwards, I'll show you how to do that, too."

"I'm not a dog." Kakashi frowned.

"More for me then. Your loss."

--

"Iruka?"

"Mrh-hm?" And a slurp. And a happy sigh afterwards.

"May I still try licking out the bowl?"

-- -- --

"My Eternal Rival! In the Springtime of my Youth I finally found yourrghrgh!" And then there was silence.

Kakashi did his best not to gape. But it was hard, seeing that Gai was _speechless_.

"Gai-sensei." Iruka smiled at the Green Beast crouching on his windowsill but didn't let go of Kakashi's waist. "What a pleasure to meet you."

"Iruka-sensei…" Gai blinked once, twice. "Eternal Rival…"

Kakashi heard the Chuunin chuckle softly before Iruka snuggled his face back into his chest. "That's right, Gai-sensei. That's us. You're very observant today, aren't you?"

"Gai, what do you want?", Kakashi asked. He would bet anything that his self-declared rival had come up with another challenge. And that while he would really prefer to keep embracing Iruka for the rest of the day.

"I want… I… I…"

"Didn't you ask him how to compliment me?", Iruka asked softly. "Shouldn't he know about us?"

"I asked him." Kakashi frowned. But who knew what Gai had thought under his bowl-cut…

"Maybe he thought you wanted to make me a Youthful Compliment for being such a Devoted Chuunin and Honourable Sensei!" Iruka sniggered.

"Please don't do that ever again", Kakashi pleaded.

"Aww, but Genma always says I'm good at imitating people…"

"That's the problem." The Copy-nin shuddered. No. Just no.

"Alright…" The Chuunin chuckled.

"Gai?" Kakashi arched a questioning eyebrow at him. Better to get this over with.

"I…" Konoha's Green Beast suddenly flashed him a blinding grin. "My Eternal Rival! I feel deeply ashamed and Youthfully Delighted at the same time that you found True Love before me!"

"Oh, actually I forced him to find me." Iruka sniggered softly.

"What do you want, Gai?", Kakashi asked quickly to hide the fact that he felt a slight blush creeping over his masked face.

"Yes!" Gai gave him a thumb-up. "I came to challenge you, my Eternal Rival! We shall test our Youthful Strength in a Fight of Honour!"

The Copy-nin sighed. "Do I have to?" He wouldn't have minded a little sparring match, but not when he could spend the time with Iruka instead.

"I have mission desk duty in ten minutes", the Chuunin whispered. "Double shift."

Oh, in that case… "Alright, Gai. We'll meet at the training grounds in eleven minutes." Which meant thirty minutes. He liked to watch Iruka work and coming a little late had never hurt anybody, now had it?

--

"My Eternal Rival!", Gai half panted and half shouted. "I have to… admit my… Shameful Defeat!"

"Already?" Kakashi frowned. His sparring matches with Gai never lasted less long than three hours of chasing, fighting and hiding. And this time they'd barely spent two hours on it.

"The Youthful Iruka-sensei must truly give you Strength with his Wonderful Love!", Gai declared.

"Not so loud!", Kakashi hissed, blushing under his mask. And that was nonsense. He didn't spar with Iruka, so how should Iruka give him more strength?

"I am delighted despite your Hip Attitude, my Rival! It fills my Youthful Heart with Happiness to see you so Admirably Strong and Healthy! I shall use all my Youthfulness to become just as Springtimely Strong!"

"Erm… yes." Kakashi took out his book and walked away quickly, sure that Gai had finally lost his last marble.

-- -- --

Iruka was doing it again. A smooth, perfect movement of his hand. And again. And again.

"Iruka?", Kakashi whispered softly.

"Hm?" The Chuunin looked up from his grading, his left hand already half in the air again.

"May I do it for you?"

"Do what?" Iruka frowned.

"May I stroke back your hair behind your ear for you?", Kakashi asked hopefully, his uncovered eye glued to the strands of brown hair fallen out of Iruka's low pony-tail.

"If you want." Iruka smiled at him.

"Yes, please." The Jounin hurried over to him and sat down on his left side. Carefully he lifted his hand and tenderly stroked the brown tresses back. And then again. And again.

"Feels good", Iruka whispered softly.

"M-hm." Kakashi didn't move his gaze away from his hair. "Soft. And warm."

"Your fingers too." A hand gently captured his, then a soft kiss was placed on his knuckles. "I could get used to you doing this every day from now on."

"May I?", Kakashi asked hopefully.

"Yes, please." Iruka smiled.

-- -- -- -- --

tbc

.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

.

**AN:**

I'm sorry for the long wait but my job's stressing me a little at the moment and between work and my friends and my boyfriend I hardly find time to write anymore. But still there will be more chapters, it just might take some weeks until the next one.

Nayru


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: T for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 4 of 15(?)

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

AN:

And once again life decided that Nayru shouldn't find time for her story…

.

--

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter 4__ – We won't let them._

"Genma and some of the guys are going for some drinks tonight", Iruka said. "He asked if we wanted to come along."

"Genma knows that I'm with you?", Kakashi asked warily. The senbon-chewing Special Jounin was the village's loudest gossiper. If he knew, whole Konoha was about to know only hours later. Minutes rather, especially if Anko joined him.

"He just said that he had seen us together often in the last time." Iruka shrugged. "I've been for drinks with him and some others rather regularly for quite some time, still am from time to time, and he said that you're welcome to join now that we're 'so good friends', as he put it." He sniggered softly.

"Oh." Kakashi nodded. "Okay." He had never been 'for drinks' before but as long as Iruka was with him, it probably would be alright. Not that he would drink anything, he never drank, but he could spend time with Iruka and learn how to be more sociable. Not that he felt particularly eager to spend time with Genma or anybody else. He would have preferred to stay in Iruka's apartment with Iruka in his arms.

"Would it… bother you if anybody found out?", he heard the Chuunin ask softly. "We don't have to go."

"Find out about what?"

"About us."

"I… I'm not sure." Kakashi mulled that over. "It could put you in danger if any of my enemies knew that we're…" Boyfriends? "That we're…" Hopefully-soon-to-be lovers? "Together. But we can still go and just… just not tell anybody?"

"Ah." Iruka nodded. "Alright."

Uh-oh, Kakashi knew that tone. It meant that he had done something that Iruka found not-so-good but the Chuunin was too considerate to say anything about it. Kakashi disliked that tone, not as much as Iruka's you-hurt-me tone, but also quite a lot.

Soo… He had said that he would prefer it if nobody knew about their relationship. He had meant to protect Iruka, and he knew that Iruka knew that. But there had to be something else… Maybe Iruka was angry and thought that he didn't think him capable of protecting himself? But no, Iruka always showed clearly when he was angry. But he hid it when he was hurt.

"Would you like to tell Genma that we're together?", Kakashi tried.

"No." Iruka smiled at him. "He's too nosy anyway. Won't hurt him not to know the newest news for once."

"Then… would you like to tell somebody else?"

"No."

"I… I wouldn't really mind if somebody knew", Kakashi made a last attempt. "I mean, as long as it's one of your friends." He would just have to force himself to trust them not to tell any of his enemies. Or threaten them.

"You wouldn't?", Iruka asked.

"No." Kakashi shook his head. "If you want to tell somebody, that's fine with me." He would just trust _and_ threaten them.

"And it wouldn't… bother you if somebody knew that you're with me?"

"Why should it?" Kakashi frowned. If anybody should be bothered, it should be Iruka being bothered to be seen with somebody like him, not the other way around.

"Yes, why should it?", Iruka asked softly.

--

Okay, going 'for drinks' wasn't something he particularly liked, Kakashi decided. The bar was crowded, full of smoke, smells and noises, and he couldn't even see who was in there because there wasn't enough light. He had seldom felt so uncomfortable when inside Konoha. But he would endure this for Iruka.

"You don't seem pleased", the Chuunin's voice rang into his ear from his right.

"It's okay", Kakashi lied.

"It's not." Iruka laughed. "You're fidgeting on your seat, throwing glances everywhere and you haven't drunk one sip. You're uncomfortable as hell, I can see that." He laughed again. "Not even that woman over there flirting with you is able to cheer you up."

"She's not flirting with me!", Kakashi gasped. He had tried to ignore that rather weird woman for at least an hour by now and had so hoped that Iruka wouldn't notice.

"She is. Oh, and how she is. I'm only waiting for her to strip."

"You think she will do that?!" Kakashi didn't think he could stand that. It was hard enough to look at the things she was doing with the straw of her drink and keep a straight face.

"I don't know." Iruka grinned. "I only know that I won't let her take you home."

"I don't want that!", Kakashi assured. "Iruka, please believe me that I don't want her to take me anywhere!"

"I know, Kakashi, calm down. I was only teasing you." The Chuunin smiled at him gently. "Would you like to leave? I can see that you're not comfortable here."

"It's okay", Kakashi repeated. "I don't mind." As long as Iruka was having fun.

"But I do." Iruka squeezed his hand under the table they were seated at. "Just let me say goodbye to Anko over there, and then we can leave, alright?"

"We can stay if you want", Kakashi offered. He would just ignore that woman and keep pretending that he wasn't so much on edge that he was almost at the point to jump up, grab Iruka and jutsu them out of the bar.

"But I don't want to stay." Iruka smiled at him. "I would rather go home, take a long shower to get the smoke out of my hair and then curl up on the couch with you in my arms and a cup of tea or hot chocolate. How does that sound?"

"Perfect." Kakashi smiled back. He liked hot chocolate, especially with marshmellows in it. He didn't know why though, they were all slimy and squashy, but still… But they weren't anywhere as good as apple pancakes. Maybe Iruka would make some of them, too?

"I'll make it quick." Iruka squeezed his hand once again before he stood up and tried to reach Anko sitting at the bar with Ibiki and Shizune.

"So, Hatake, how come?"

"Hm?" Kakashi turned around to face Genma. The Special Jounin's face was slightly red and he was already swaying gently on his chair. How he planned to defend himself against an attack in his state was a miracle to the Copy-nin.

"How did you become friends with Iruka?", Genma asked. "You two never seemed to like each other very much."

"He made the first step", Kakashi answered vaguely, mostly because, 'He kidnapped me, put me in his bed and somehow I liked it there', didn't sound like the right thing to say just to the Special Jounin.

"Ah. Thought so." Genma nodded. "Nice guy, that Iruka. Seems to like you."

"I know." Kakashi smiled softly, knowing that Genma wouldn't notice it under his mask. Iruka, however, would have.

"Lucky guy", Genma declared. "Iruka's good to keep you sane."

"What do you mean?"

"He's… real, you know." Genma sighed. "You know, you go out on a mission and kill your share of five, ten, fifteen people, and then you come back to the village and are supposed to be… normal." He shook his head. "I couldn't handle that at first. Don't know how often they had to drag me to the hospital and drug me until I had calmed down again."

"Oh." Kakashi had known that some Jounin and especially ANBU had those problems. He himself had never had them, the only advantage of not being human probably. He had simply never known anything else.

"Then I had a mission with Anko", Genma continued. "Horrible. The mission, not her. I knew I would freak out again and asked her to knock me out and bring me to the hospital in case I shouldn't make it on my own, but she just said that she knew something better. Someone better."

"Iruka", Kakashi guessed.

"Exactly." Genma nodded. "She took me to the Academy and told me to wait with her. I didn't feel so good then, I felt like I would explode any second. And then Iruka came out with his kids. He was still a teaching assistant at that time and I at first didn't know what should be so special about him, you know, he was just there and taught those brats to throw shuriken or something."

"He is special", Kakashi contradicted softly. After all, Iruka was able to love him.

"I know. Now I know. But then I didn't. Until Anko said, 'He lost his parents to Kyuubi. He lost his team-mates on their first mission out of the village. He lost his sensei and his new team-mates on their second. But he never lost himself. He decided to teach the village's children although he'll lose many of them, too. And he knows that, Genma. He knows that and still he keeps hoping and keeps being human.' And then she looked at me and whispered, 'I want to be like him. And because I know that I can never be, not anymore, I want to make sure that he can hope for both of us.'" Genma smiled softly. "I still remember every word she said. They shook me from head to toe. And I changed back then. Because of Iruka. Many years I only came back and stayed sane to make sure that he could still hope. To help him hope."

"Does he know?", Kakashi asked softly, a strange, tight feeling in his chest.

"I don't know." Genma shook his head and wiped his eyes. "Maybe he does. But if, then he never showed."

"Are you still coming back because of him?" Would he maybe have to make sure Genma didn't try to take away his time with Iruka?

"No, at least not only because of him." The Special Jounin smiled. "I found someone to come back to quite some time ago. But still Iruka will always be one of the reasons I keep going, I think." He sighed. "I just wished I could find out who's hurting him…"

"Somebody's hurting him?!", Kakashi gasped. "Who?" He would find them. And then he would… he would… he would make them suffer. Nobody was allowed to hurt Iruka!

"I don't know." Genma shook his head. "And I don't even know if that guy knows he's hurting him. At least I think it's a guy." He looked at Kakashi. "I probably shouldn't get you involved, but you are the master of 'underneath the underneath', so maybe you can find out."

"Find out what?"

"Iruka's in love", Genma said. "He's been for years by now. And it's unrequited. That's why he's hurting."

"I… he…" Kakashi's eyes widened. It was him! He was hurting Iruka. Had been for a long time!

"I want to find whoever it is", Genma growled. "And then I want to tell him that he's not allowed not to love Iruka. He has to love him back or I'll kill him."

"You… How do you know it's a man?", Kakashi choked out just to say something, anything, while he tried to remember how to breathe. He hadn't really realised what he'd done to Iruka all those years before and now it almost suffocated him. He hadn't known or wanted it, but still he had hurt Iruka, Iruka who should never, never ever get hurt.

"I don't really know. Iruka had his last relationship with a man, so I just guessed… Could just as well be a woman, but I hope it's a guy." Genma smiled cruelly. "That way I don't have to feel bad to beat him up at least."

"And… and Iruka was hurting? Much?" No, Iruka shouldn't hurt, never, never ever. He didn't want him to hurt still.

"Yes. He pretends not to be but I can see enough. He's hurting so very much, Kakashi. I can't stand to see it anymore, I have to do something."

"I… I will do something about it", Kakashi whispered. "I promise." And if he still hurt him… he didn't know what he'd do then.

"That's good." Genma grinned. "You're a good guy, Hatake. Iruka was right to choose you as his friend."

"M-hm." Kakashi nodded. And he would prove that Iruka was right to love him, too. He would make him happy no matter what.

"I'll leave it to you to find out more then", Genma declared and moved to get up. "Tell me when you find that bastard so we can beat him up together, alright?" He patted the Copy-nin's shoulder and went towards the door of the bar where Raidou had just appeared.

Kakashi watched the two men shake hands first, then head for a booth near the wall. He just wanted to look for Iruka when he caught sight of something that made his eyes widen. Had Genma just… taken Raidou's hand in his? But no, that had certainly been the smoke in the bar that had obscured his view. Why should Genma take-

Kakashi's eyes widened even more when he definitely saw Genma squeeze Raidou's butt just before the two men sat down, earning himself a hiss and a slap on his upper arm. But… what the snorg had that been?! Why… When… That… Why should Genma want to take Raidou's hand and then slap his butt? And why hadn't Raidou told him not to do it and why-

"Hey there."

"What?" Kakashi jumped slightly and looked up, then almost flinched when he saw the blunt woman from before stand in front of him.

"I'm Kyoko." She smiled at him.

"I… Hatake Kakashi." Okay, he was being polite. Now she could leave again, bye.

"Is this seat taken?"

"No. I mean, yes!" Iruka, where was Iruka? That was Iruka's seat.

"But your friend just left." Kyoko laughed and sat down.

"He'll come back", Kakashi assured. It couldn't take long just to go to the bar, say goodbye and then come back, alright? Come back to save him from that woman who maybe was there to strip?

"I haven't seen you here before. Are you here for the first time?" Kyoko inched her chair closer to him.

"Yes." Kakashi pondered inching backwards but instead took a deep breath and decided to slip into I'm-so-bored mode.

"And do you like it here?"

"Hrm." He shrugged. But he didn't like it, not at all. It was too loud, too crowded, too open. And Iruka wasn't with him anymore.

"Oh." Kyoko frowned but then smiled again. "Isn't there _anything_ you like in here?" And then she did that thing with the straw and her tongue again.

"Mrh." Another shrug. He liked Iruka, and Iruka was somewhere in here. But he didn't like what that woman did at all. It looked… It made him feel like some kind of… prey.

"I thought so." Kyoko grinned and leaned forward, obviously mistaking his shrug for an invitation. "Then why don't you take what you like in here outside and go somewhere quiet with… it?"

"Sounds good." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, deciding that shrugging probably was too subtle. And he wanted nothing more than go somewhere quiet with what he liked. And he certainly didn't want to be there anymore when she found out what it was that he wanted to take with him. And what it wasn't.

"Yes, sounds good", Kyoko purred and placed her hand on his knee.

Kakashi took a deep breath and suppressed the urge to jump away from the unwanted touch. Okay, he had to calm down. He could not just push her away and nail her hand to the nearest table with a kunai, he had to find another way out. She was only a civilian, no threat for him, and he also didn't want Iruka to become angry with him for making a scene. He had to get rid of her without drawing too much attention and if possible also without Iruka noticing her at-

"Ready to leave?", the Chuunin in question asked softly next to him, making him jump slightly.

"Iruka", Kakashi breathed in deepest relief. Iruka was good, Iruka would know how to get out of this.

"I said goodbye to Anko, we can go now." Iruka smiled at him. "Let's just say hello to Raidou on our way out and-"

"I. Am. Sorry", Kyoko interrupted him. "But I was talking with Kakashi."

"Oh." Iruka smiled at her. "You were talking with _Kakashi?_"

"Yes", the woman hissed. "And I think you should better go."

"Oh, you think so?" Iruka still smiled but now it was all teeth and threats. "Isn't that _interesting_, Kakashi?"

"Yes?" Kakashi tried to become invisible. Iruka was creepy suddenly.

"Yes", Kyoko declared, glaring. "Why don't you go and look for somebody else to talk to and leave us alone?"

"Oh, I shall leave you alone?" Iruka leaned forward until his face was at the same level as hers. "And why, do tell, should I leave you alone with my _boyfriend?_", he hissed.

"With… your…" Kyoko's eyes widened and her mouth opened and closed until she gave a very impressive imitation of a goldfish.

"If I ever only see you _look_ at him again, you'll regret it", Kakashi heard Iruka whisper into her ear. "If I ever see you glance in his direction, I-"

"God, that's…" Kyoko made a face of utter disgust suddenly. "That's gross. Don't worry that I would ever look at your _boyfriend_ again. Just… just get away from me, you… you fags."

"I… you…" Kakashi saw Iruka's face turn a deep shade of red before the Chuunin suddenly took his hand and dragged him to his feet and after him to the door. He only just had time to notice Genma stare at them with his mouth open and his senbon falling out before Iruka had left the bar with him and was pulling him after him through the empty, moonlit streets.

"How can she dare?", the Chuunin murmured. "How can she _dare?_ That cheap… How can she dare?"

"Iruka…", Kakashi whispered. "Iruka, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry." The Chuunin seemed to be angry because he'd talked to that woman, but he hadn't wanted it, not at all, and-

Iruka stopped so abruptly that the Jounin bumped into him. "Kakashi", he whispered and shook his head without turning around. "Oh, Kakashi."

"I'm sorry", Kakashi repeated softly.

"No." Iruka shook his head again and turned around to face him. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"But aren't you angry at me?"

"Why should I be angry at you?", Iruka whispered. "It's just… natural, I guess."

"Natural?"

"Yes. That you want a woman, I mean. It's just the way things usually go, and like that you wouldn't have to be afraid that anybody could be taken aback by you being with another man." Iruka shook his head and the look in his eyes became utterly sad and pained. "I can understand if you prefer a woman over me, Kakashi. I'm sorry that I reacted like I did." He turned around again and took a step away from the Jounin. "Just… just go back and… and go back… to her."

"But I don't want to go back to her", Kakashi said softly. "Why do you think I would? She doesn't-" He broke off and turned his head around when he felt a presence behind him but then turned back to Iruka when he only saw Genma stand a few steps away. The Special Jounin could wait because Iruka… Iruka seemed hurt and he didn't like that and Iruka was _important._

"Why?", Iruka whispered. "Why, you ask?" He shook his head. "Don't you understand, Kakashi? If you stay with me, if people find out about us… there'll always be some who… some who won't accept it. There'll always be some people who'll be… disgusted of the thought of two men being together. It would be easier for you if you found yourself a woman."

"But why should they be disgusted?", Kakashi asked softly. "I don't understand that." Did it matter? And if it did, then why? If Iruka loved him and he one day loved Iruka, why should people not accept it? And what did other people than Iruka and him have to say about it at all?

"Me neither." Iruka laughed bitterly. "But there are many who don't accept it, you would see. And I… I don't want you to have to see it, Kakashi", he whispered. "It will hurt you and I… I couldn't stand that."

"It's hurting you", Kakashi whispered. And seeing that made him hurt, too.

"Yes. Yes, it's hurting me." Iruka's voice shook. "But it will hurt me even more if I see you hurt."

"Then I won't let them hurt me." Kakashi took a step forward and carefully wrapped his arms around the Chuunin's waist. "I won't let them hurt me and I won't let them hurt you. I won't hurt you." Never again.

"But they will-"

"I don't care." Kakashi gently tightened his embrace. "I don't care about what anybody other than you thinks, Iruka."

"Is… is that…" Iruka started to shake in his arms. "Do you mean it?"

"Yes, Iruka. I mean it." Kakashi carefully turned him around in his arms, feeling his chest clench at the tears running over the Chuunin's face.

"You… you could be with a woman instead. It would be… easier for you."

"I don't want to be with any woman." Kakashi tenderly wiped away Iruka's tears. "And I also don't want to be with any other man." He leaned down and placed his forehead against the Chuunin's, very careful because Iruka seemed so very fragile suddenly. "I don't want them because they don't love me."

"Oh, Kakashi." Iruka's face distorted in pain. "Kakashi, I'm so sorry", he sobbed, shaking violently.

"No, please don't cry", Kakashi pleaded. "Please don't cry, Iruka." It hurt, deep inside him, and he didn't know why.

"I w-was so af-fraid that it w-would hurt you. That- that- that you would l-l-leave me."

"I won't leave you, Iruka." Kakashi stroked his hair tenderly, desperately trying to calm him down. "I promise, Iruka. I will stay with you and I will learn to love you."

"P-please…"

"I will, Iruka. I will do my best to learn to love you soon." Kakashi tightened his embrace and then just held him, held him close to him to give Iruka all the warmth and reassurance he could. And finally the sobs faded slowly and the shaking stopped.

"Love you", Iruka whispered. "Love you, Kakashi. Sorry that I'm… I just… I didn't want you to get hurt…"

"I want to love you, Iruka", Kakashi whispered back. "And I won't let anybody hurt you anymore." He stroked a stray strand of hair behind the Chuunin's ear, once again marveling about how much it calmed him down to do it.

"I won't let them do that anymore either." Iruka sniffled and nuzzled his face into the Jounin's clothed neck. "I won't let them."

"No", Kakashi murmured. "We won't let them." He looked up and turned his head to see whether Genma was still there. He didn't want to deal with him just now. All he wanted now was to take Iruka home and hold him close until everything would be fine again.

To his deepest relief, the Special Jounin just smiled at him and placed his index fingers on his lips, indicating not to tell Iruka that he was there, before he turned around and left.

"I wanna go home now", Iruka whispered. "Wanna have you all to myself. And I have you all to myself because you allow it. Because you don't want anybody but me and I don't want anybody but you."

"Shall I jutsu us?", Kakashi offered.

"M-hm." Iruka nuzzled his face deeper in his neck. "And when you see Genma the next time, remind him that I might not be a kickass Special Jounin, but that I am still a shinobi, alright?"

"You knew?" Kakashi smiled.

Iruka snorted. "Thinks he's oh-so-sneaky. What did he want?"

"Make sure you're alright", Kakashi guessed.

"I am." Iruka tightened his embrace around his waist. "I am. And I promise that I won't let something like this upset me anymore. And I will never again doubt you."

-- -- --

"Kakashi-sensei, what a _pleasure_ to meet you."

Kakashi turned around and frowned at a brightly smiling Anko. "Yes?", he tried carefully and took out his Icha Icha from his pocket to hide behind it.

"Can I have a few words with you?", the kunoichi asked, still smiling. "I promise it won't take much of your precious time."

"Okay…" Kakashi slowly followed her along the hallway, past the door to the mission room where he'd wanted to pick up Iruka and towards the last door.

"Please step in here." Anko held the door open for him.

Kakashi peeked around the frame to take sight of… a broom closet. "I don't think so."

"Oh, please", a new voice behind him said. "Do us the favour and have a little chat with us."

Kakashi turned around and saw now also Raidou and Genma stand behind him. "I really would prefer not to go in there", he stated firmly and put his book away again, pondering to draw a weapon, just in case.

"Oh, of course." Genma nodded. "We can understand that. But we can have a little talk out here, can't we?"

"Whatever." Kakashi eyed them suspiciously. Something about their behaviour was making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"I had the impression yesterday that you're with Iruka now", Genma started. "Is that true?"

"Yes." Kakashi nodded and slouched against the wall in a way that left his hands right above his kunai holster.

"How _wonderful._" Anko's smile brightened even more, making it look even scarier. "Then there's something you should know."

"What is it?" Kakashi was pondering to run, he really was. Maybe he could run t- eherm, _walk rather quickly_ to Iruka and ask the Chuunin for help against this. This had to be some weird ritual or something. Or the three shinobi were completely bonkers.

"If you make Iruka happy, we'll be your new best friends", Raidou declared, grinning broadly.

"And if you make Iruka sad, we'll be your worst nightmares", Genma added cheerily.

"Do you want to be our friend, Kakashi-kun?", Anko asked.

No. No, Kakashi didn't want that. Those three were crazy, completely crazy.

But he wanted to make Iruka happy, so maybe he would have to take them as his friends then? Maybe that was some kind of condition to making Iruka happy? If he wanted Iruka, then he had to take those three, too? Creepy… But still.

"I want to make Iruka happy", he told them. "I want to love him." Even if it meant to have creepy friends.

Some seconds passed in which the three shinobi standing around him didn't move a muscle, just kept looking at him. Maybe Kakashi could escape now? Maybe if he was really fast and sneaky? He was good at being sneaky.

"Perfect, Hatake!", Anko boasted suddenly and slapped him on his shoulder, making him flinch.

"Yes!", Genma agreed. "That's what I wanted to hear!"

"Good man!" Raidou nodded.

"Okay?" Kakashi tried to inch away. Creepy.

"Hey, you know what, Hatake?" Anko leaned towards him. "Iruka loves picnics."

"Yes, and ramen", Genma continued. "Beef ramen. And cherries."

"Oh yeah, he loves cherries." Raidou nodded. "And going to the hot springs. And going swimming. And sushi."

"But not sashimi", Anko declared. "And he's not fond of too much wasabi on it. And he likes rice in every way."

"And spring rolls."

"And hot chocolate."

"And ice cream."

"And chocolate sauce."

"And cherries."

"I already said that."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Ah, but he likes them very much."

"Yeah, right. And strawberries, too."

"And chicken soup."

Kakashi tried to store all the information he received away while at the same time inching backwards. This was creepy. It was nice that they told him what Iruka liked, but it was still creepy.

"And walnut cookies."

"And gummy bears."

"And green apples."

"And fried noodles."

"And-"

A rather loud cough made the four shinobi freeze.

"Do I want to know what you're doing here besieging my boyfriend?", Iruka's voice asked gently.

"Erm… nothing", Anko assured.

"Just chatting a little", Raidou specified.

"That's right." Genma nodded. "We're just chatting with our friend Kakashi."

"Ah." Iruka let that syllable hang in the air. Somehow he even managed to make his voice sound as if it arched an eyebrow.

"Iruka…" Kakashi quickly went to the Chuunin's side. He was not fleeing, no way. He was just… bringing some space between him and the others.

"Kakashi." Iruka smiled at him gently. "My shift is over already. Would you like to grab something to eat?"

"That would be nice." Kakashi nodded, then remembered. "Beef ramen?"

"Sounds good." Iruka's smile brightened. "How did you know that's my favourite?"

"I… erm…" Kakashi felt himself blush a little under his mask.

Iruka laughed softly. "Let me guess. Three little birds chirped it to you."

"Three creepy little birds…", the Jounin murmured.

Iruka laughed out loud this time. "Let's go, alright?"

--

Kakashi would have liked to embrace Iruka, he really would. But walking and embracing at the same time weren't possible. Poor him.

"Why do you sigh so heavily?" Iruka smiled at him.

"I would like to-" The Jounin frowned when he saw something. "What are they doing there?"

"Who?" Iruka looked into the direction he pointed and at a couple standing in front of a restaurant. "Those two?"

"M-hm." Kakashi squinted with his eye. "With their hands."

"Oh, they're holding hands." Iruka smiled softly.

"Why?" They didn't have their hands free like this. And what in case they needed both hands for something suddenly?

"Because like that they can be close to each other. And they can feel each other."

"And still walk around…" Kakashi frowned. It sounded nice, it really did. But still… He would only have one hand free then. But he would be able to feel Iruka's warmth. And maybe… maybe it would be a little like embracing?

Still a little unsure whether it was a good idea, the Jounin tugged at his left fingerless glove until he could pull it off, then carefully reached out for Iruka's right hand. Oh, and it felt warm to hold it. Nice.

"Are you sure?", Iruka whispered but at the same time entwined their fingers. "We're in public. I don't mind at all, but do you really want everybody to see us holding hands?"

"I want to hold your hand", Kakashi answered simply. He noticed that quite many people were staring at them, some in surprise, some in amusement and joy even, and some in less nice ways. But he found that he couldn't care less. Iruka's hand was warm in his and it felt as if it belonged there. And Iruka smiled.

--

"Iruka, can I ask you something?", Kakashi asked after he'd wolfed down his miso ramen. He knew he wouldn't have had to since they'd gotten takeout and went to the Chuunin's apartment and Iruka never tried to sneak a peek, but old habits were hard to break.

"M-hm?", Iruka murmured between two slurps of noodles.

The Jounin looked down at his hands, thinking about what he'd learned about holding hands and what had happened the evening before. "Raidou and Genma… Are they… I mean…"

"They are."

"Oh." Kakashi frowned. "And they… love each other?"

"I'm absolutely sure about that."

Kakashi's frown deepened. "But… then it's not alright."

"What isn't?" Iruka put down his chopsticks and slowly looked up at the Jounin.

"Genma. He… I heard… you know, that he…"

"Sleeps around with just every woman crossing his path", Iruka finished for him.

"Yes." Kakashi felt himself blush. Why was it so easy for Iruka to say something so horrible?

"And you think that's not right?"

"It's not!" Kakashi shook his head. "He shouldn't do that! I mean, he's with Raidou and then he shouldn't… do that. It certainly hurts Raidou. And Genma shouldn't do that. If Raidou loves him, then Genma should do anything he can to prevent him getting hurt." Kakashi knew that he didn't know much about love, but he was absolutely sure that preventing one's partner from getting hurt was very important.

To his greatest surprise, Iruka smiled softly and reached out to tenderly stroke over his masked cheek. "I love you."

"But… but why…"

"Kakashi, I told you that some people… dislike the thought of two men being together." Iruka's smile became sad. "Raidou is afraid of that happening to him and Genma."

"But that's no reason for Genma to… to sleep around."

"It's a reason for Genma to spread rumours about him being with women", Iruka said softly.

"Rumours?" Kakashi frowned. "You mean they're not true?"

"Kakashi." Iruka took his hand. "Genma is spreading these rumours to give other people and especially Raidou's family the impression that he and Raidou aren't more than close friends."

"That… but… oh."

"Yes, oh." Iruka sighed. "I know that Genma wants nothing more than to tell everybody how much he loves Raidou, how happy he is with him. But he doesn't because Raidou is afraid that his family would be disgusted of him then."

"But why?" Kakashi didn't understand that.

"I don't know." Iruka smiled at him sadly. "And the worst thing about this is that I highly doubt that any of Raidou's relatives would react badly to him and Genma being together. They're all wonderful people."

"But then Raidou should…"

"Take the risk that they could despise him still?" Iruka laughed bitterly. "I don't know, maybe he should. I don't know."

"But… but that's…" Kakashi sighed. "Humans are weird."

"We are", Iruka sighed. "We are."

-- -- -- -- --

tbc

.

Nayru


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: T for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 5 of 15(?)

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter 5__ – So very me?_

"Know what?"

"Hm?" Kakashi lazily lifted his head to look at Iruka snuggled against his left side on the Chuunin's huge couch. And then he stroked a strand of hair behind his ear, just because he could.

"You're never late when we meet." Iruka arched an eyebrow up at him.

"I'm never…" Kakashi frowned. "Oh, that…"

"Why are you coming late at all if you're able to be perfectly on time? Only if you don't mind me asking."

"It annoys people. Keeps them away from me." And kept him safe. Just like the books, the mask and the 'I-don't-care-about-you-or-anybody-or-anything'-air.

"Ah." Iruka hummed for a little while. "So… that means that you don't want to keep me away from you."

"I don't want that." Kakashi tightened his arm's hold around him. "And… if I came late for meeting you… then I couldn't spend as much time with you as I can if I come on time." He'd figured that out rather quickly. He was a genius after all. Aand he knew that Iruka got really pissed if stood up.

Iruka chuckled softly. "That's really smart. And I really like you reasoning."

"Me too."

"Know something else?"

"What is it?"

"When I cast the jutsu on you in the mission room right before I brought you here for the first time, you never did anything to stop me. You didn't even seem to notice me gathering my chakra."

"I didn't." Kakashi frowned. "At least not consciously."

"Maybe you didn't see me as a threat?", Iruka guessed.

"I always see everybody as a potential threat." Kakashi turned his head and nuzzled his masked nose into the Chuunin's hair. "Except that I changed towards you now."

"That's good." Iruka smiled up at him. "But still I think you didn't see me as a threat back then. Nobody ever does…", he murmured, sounding a little bitter.

"You're strong", Kakashi whispered. "And you invented that amazing jutsu you showed me. I'm sure you could give me much trouble if you chose to."

Iruka snorted. "No need to tell me that. I know I'm not only the humble, polite, mediocre little Chuunin everybody sees me as. It's alright if they do, though, kind of. It's just…" He sighed. "I don't like it when people think they can judge me by first look or just from my rank. Or pull rank on me and order me around. I so _hate_ that."

"I'm sorry", Kakashi whispered. "For pulling rank on you before the Chuunin exams." He knew now that he shouldn't have snapped at the Chuunin the way he'd had. But he now also knew why he'd done that: He'd been terrified by the fierce will to care and protect that Iruka had shown. He hadn't known it, hadn't understood it and therefore he'd just closed up and tried to get him to back off as soon as possible.

"That was different." Iruka snuggled closer and stroked over the Jounin's stomach. "You were right and I was right, too, but I overstepped my boundaries. Forgiven?"

"Forgiven." Kakashi pulled him even closer.

-- -- --

Kakashi sighed happily when he slipped under the sheets of Iruka's bed. And it wouldn't be long anymore and his boyfriend would come out of the bathroom and join him for snuggling. Sooo ni-

"Huh?" The Jounin blinked when his outstretched feet suddenly came in contact with something warm. He lifted the sheets and peeked under them. "Iruka?"

"Yes?" The Chuunin walked into the bedroom, hair open and freshly brushed.

Kakashi reached out his hand and as always his boyfriend walked towards him and let him stroke through his hair for several calm, blissful moments. "Iruka?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"What's that?" He reluctantly let go of the soft hair and instead pointed at the thing under the sheets.

"Hm? Oh, I made us a hot-water bottle. It's in a pillow cover to keep the heat longer and to feel better against our feet." Iruka slipped under the sheets and squirmed a little, then sighed contently.

"Why? Are you sick?", Kakashi asked worriedly.

"No, I'm not." Iruka chuckled. "My feet were cold." He smiled at his boyfriend. "Come on, try it. It's big enough for all our feet."

"Okay…" Kakashi still wasn't convinced. The only times he'd ever had a hot-water bottle had been when he'd had a flu or even worse.

"Nice, hm?", Iruka murmured when the Jounin was spooned up behind him.

Kakashi wiggled his toes, then once again when he realised that they had been slightly cool before. He pulled his boyfriend close. "Nice."

-- -- --

"Iruka-sensei! Iruka-sensei!"

"Hm?" The Chuunin turned around on the street without letting go of Kakashi's hand. "Oh, Keiko-chan. Hello."

"Hello, Iruka-sensei." The small blond girl smiled at him broadly. "Who's that?"

"That's Kakashi-sensei", Iruka said softly.

"Yo." The Copy-nin waved at the tiny girl.

"Hello." Keiko grinned at him. "Why do you hold Iruka-sensei's hand?"

"Because it feels warm." And he wouldn't share, not even with little girls, no way.

"Are you Iruka-sensei's girlfriend? My mommy told me that boyfriends and girlfriends hold hands."

"He's not my girlfriend, Keiko-chan." Iruka laughed softly. "He's a man, so he's my boyfriend."

"Are you his girlfriend then, Iruka-sensei?" The little girl frowned.

"No." The Chuunin laughed more. "I'm a man, too, so I'm his boyfriend."

"Hmmmm…" Keiko frowned deeply. "I'll ask my mommy!", she declared then. "Bye, Iruka-sensei! Bye, Kakashi-sensei!" And she ran away.

Iruka sighed. "Here comes…"

"What's wrong?" Kakashi carefully tightened his hold on his boyfriend's hand.

"Won't be long anymore, then my students' parents will know about us…" Iruka sighed again. "We'll see how they'll react."

"What do you mean?"

"I guess there might be some parents who won't like the thought of their children being taught by an openly gay man… I'll have to wait and see what they'll do…"

"They're stupid", Kakashi growled. "It's not as if you were different suddenly, only because you decided to be with me and help me become human. You're still yourself." And if any of those people dared to do anything that hurt his boyfriend, he would pay them back.

"Let's just wait." Iruka smiled at him. "And don't worry, I can handle it. I don't really care about what the parents think, only what my students think of me."

--

Most parents took it well when the news spread. Some even came to school to hug Iruka and wish him luck with his newfound happiness. Kakashi was not particularly happy about those people hugging his boyfriend but he could stand it, really. At least if they didn't hold Iruka for too long.

Unfortunately, there was one family who even demanded to fire Iruka. Kakashi was not happy. Kakashi was so much not happy that he went to their home, cornered the father and told him that if he had a problem with him being with Iruka, he should straighten things out with him, not go and whine to the Elders or the Hokage. They still had their son transferred to another class. Iruka was sad and hurting and Kakashi did his best to comfort him. He had never before felt so helpless.

When the boy still came back to the Chuunin's class the next day, saying that he wasn't as stupid as his parents and wouldn't let them keep him from being taught by the best teacher ever, Iruka was so happy he was close to tears. When Kakashi couldn't hold himself back anymore, jumped from his place on the tree in front of his classroom through the window and embraced him, he started crying. Which resulted in the children joining for a class-hug with a rather distraught Copy-nin in the middle.

Tsunade had a word with the parents but they wouldn't change their minds.

Kakashi had a word with the parents but they wouldn't change their minds.

Iruka had a word with the parents and the child was officially transferred back to his class. Nobody ever lost a word about the incident again.

-- -- --

"I'm sorry, Kakashi." Tsunade smiled at him apologetically. "It can't be helped."

"I understand", the Jounin assured, his heart heavy in his chest.

--

"Iruka?"

"M-hm?" The Chuunin didn't look up from grading his tests.

"Iruka, I have to go on a mission", Kakashi murmured.

"What?!" Iruka's head snapped up immediately. "But Tsunade-sama said…"

"It's very important." Kakashi didn't want to go, he really didn't. He knew that it was his duty to go though, that he was shinobi and therefore had to serve his village. But he would rather stay with Iruka. Where it was warm. Where he was warm.

"Oh." Iruka sighed, then nodded. "Of course. I understand."

"I should be back in a week."

"You'll be gone for so long?", Iruka asked sadly.

"I'm sorry. Please don't be sad." Kakashi took a deep breath. "And please wait… I mean… don't get… don't lose your patience while…"

"Hey." Iruka looked at him sternly. "I promised not to doubt you anymore, remember? The least you can do is giving that trust back to me, alright?"

"I… Alright. Sorry." Kakashi smiled sheepishly, but with very much relief.

"Will you be able to sleep?" The Chuunin's voice sounded concerned.

"I have to." Kakashi shrugged. And he was trained to function without sleep for days if he had to.

"Oh…" Iruka looked at him, but then smiled suddenly. "Wait here, alright? I'll be right back."

"Sure", Kakashi murmured unsurely and watched how the Chuunin disappeared in his bedroom, then came back after some seconds, holding his pillow.

"Here", he announced while he pulled the cover from it. "Take this with you, maybe it helps."

"Your pillow cover?", Kakashi asked confusedly.

"Yup." Iruka grinned. "You can sleep on it and then it will remind you of me. I would give you the whole pillow, but it's too big for your backpack."

"Oh, that's…" Kakashi carefully took the cloth. "That's very nice of you. Thank you." He didn't know if it would help, but right at the moment the thought that Iruka wanted to help him made him feel very good.

"I hope it works." Iruka smiled.

"Thank you", Kakashi whispered again. "Can I… Is there something I can do for you?"

"You can come back safe to me", Iruka told him. "I know you can't promise that, but you can promise me to do your best."

"I promise." Kakashi smiled at him. He had a reason to come back safe now, he realised suddenly, a reason other than his duty. It was… it made him feel… more human.

"And…" Iruka bit his lower lip. "Now that I think about it… maybe you also could…"

"Yes?"

"Would you… kiss me goodbye maybe?", Iruka asked softly.

"Kiss you?" Uh-oh, he wasn't sure if he could do that.

"Only if it's alright for you", Iruka assured but Kakashi could see in his face that he really wanted to do it.

"I… I think…" If Iruka wanted it, then he probably should do it. And it also would make Iruka smile. But… but what if he did it wrong? He didn't know how to kiss. Nobody had ever asked to kiss him before and he was wearing a mask and didn't know if kissing was even possible with a mask.

"It's alright." Iruka nodded reassuringly. "You don't have to."

"But I… I mean, we… we could try." Kakashi felt himself blush under his mask. He would just try and hope that he did it right. And then Iruka would smile. Maybe.

"We don't have to."

"But… we can." Kakashi nodded. "Just… just tell me what to do." No, he hadn't wanted to say that! Why had he said that?! Now Iruka would think that he was completely stupid!

"What to do?" Iruka frowned, then his eyes opened wide. "You've never…"

"I… I… I wear a mask", was all that Kakashi managed to get out as an explanation.

"Oh. That's…" Iruka blinked. "Sure. I mean… Never?"

"You want to kiss me or not?", Kakashi snapped when the heat in his face increased even more. It wasn't that unusual, now was it? He was only twenty-six and if he hadn't kissed yet, so what? And no, he was not embarrassed.

"Yes!", Iruka assured. "I want that." He blushed. "And I'm sorry. I was acting like an idiot."

"Alright." Kakashi nodded, still a little miffed. Miffed, not embarrassed. "What shall I do then?"

"You… you just have to press your lips on mine", Iruka explained. "Not too hard and not too soft."

"And that's all?" He'd known that. He'd just been convinced that there had to be some kind of… stuff apart from that. Something that made the faces of the people he'd watched kissing turn so… so all dreamy and soft and all that.

"Yes, that's all." Iruka slowly wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Alright." Lips on lips. Not too hard and not too soft, alright, that was easy. It wasn't as if there were about a million possibilities for that.

"Alright." Iruka tilted his face up a little, then closed his eyes.

Kakashi leaned forwards slowly, aimed carefully and then placed his masked lips on the Chuunin's. He applied a little pressure and stopped when he heard Iruka sigh softly, then waited.

It felt… okay. It wasn't anything special or spectacular, but it was okay, he supposed. Somehow a lot like embracing, all nice and close to Iruka. But he didn't understand why people were so crazy about it.

"Mmmh…", Iruka sighed when he leaned his head back again. "Thank you." He smiled.

"It's okay", Kakashi murmured.

"Did you like it?"

"I… Yes." He hadn't really not liked it, so he had probably liked it.

"Does that mean we can do it more often from now on?", Iruka asked.

"Erm… Sometimes maybe?" He could do that, no big deal. And then Iruka would smile, just like he did now.

"M-hm." The Chuunin smiled softly. "And it will feel even better once you take the mask off."

Kakashi froze immediately. Taking off his mask? He couldn't do that! Then Iruka would see them! Then Iruka would see the signs of his shame and he would leave him and never want to be with him again and-

"Only if you want that", Iruka assured hastily. "I mean, you don't have to."

"I'm sorry", Kakashi whispered. "I can't."

"It's fine." Iruka placed another, featherlike kiss on his lips. "I'm sure that you'll one day trust me enough to take off your mask." He smiled warmly.

"I'll… I'll try." But Kakashi doubted that that would ever happen.

--

The pillow cover worked, Kakashi noticed on his first night out of Iruka's bed. He still woke at every noise he heard, at every movement around him, but that was due to his shinobi training and survival instinct. And then he could lie down on the cloth again and take a deep breath through his mask and smell Iruka, and then he would slip back into calm, refreshing sleep.

And he also noticed that he seemed to be more aware of his surroundings during the days, and even faster and stronger during fights. But that certainly couldn't be because of the pillow cover, now could it? Granted, he slept better and was more refreshed when he woke up again, but could that make such a difference? Could the sleep he was getting since he was with Iruka be the reason for his sudden energy? Hmm…

But there was no other explanation than Iruka being the reason for his increased strength and stamina. As far as he could remember, it had got better some days, or more precisely nights after he'd started having a relationship with the Chuunin. Heh… Iruka as energy boost. Nice, the Chuunin would certainly smile if he told him.

But now that he thought about it… He should better not tell anybody. What if Gai took it as a reason to make up more and more challenges? Or what if Tsunade decided to send him to more and more missions once she heard about it?

Or even worse, what if Tsunade sent other people to sleep in Iruka's bed to make them stronger, too?! No way, he would _so_ not let that happen!

--

"I'm back!", Kakashi announced through the open window to Iruka's living room, then frowned when he noticed something odd. Why did Iruka have two curtains now? His usual cream-coloured one and underneath a new white one?

"Kakashi!" Iruka came out of his bedroom, approached him and held out his arms to be embraced, and the Jounin complied happily.

"I could sleep", Kakashi told him without letting go. "Thank you for the pillow cover." Although the real Iruka was so much better.

"I'm happy that I could help you." Iruka leaned his head back, looked at him and then kissed him softly.

Kakashi held still, knowing that he would make the Chuunin happy with it. Kissing was alright, he could stand that. Especially if he could embrace Iruka while he kissed him. Embracing was so much better than kissing, and he wasn't sure why Iruka seemed to think differently, but it was alright. As long as he got embracing, too.

"I have a surprise for you", Iruka told him when they parted again.

"A surprise?", Kakashi asked warily. He wasn't very fond of surprises. In his life, surprises almost always had meant kunais out of the dark, jutsu traps or sudden treason.

"Turn around." Iruka grinned.

Kakashi did as wished and caught sight of the new curtains again. "New curtains." New curtains were at least a safe surprise. Probably.

"Look closer."

"Okay…" Kakashi squinted with his uncovered eye. "New white curtains that look like… fishnet?"

"Almost." Iruka moved to stand beside him and took the cloth in his hand. "New white curtains that look like fishnet and are strong enough to stop kunai and shuriken and the like."

The Copy-nin frowned. "Stop them?"

"M-hm. Here, feel it." Iruka held out the cloth. "It's a very strong and heavy fibre. If you throw a kunai or a shuriken or something else against it, the weapon can't cut through and instead gets stopped by the heavy cloth and falls down. And still, because of the fishnet, the light can shine through them although the view is rather obscured. Ibiki invented them and I asked him to install them in my apartment. We already tested them."

"They're handy", Kakashi admitted, but then jumped in shock. "Why do you have them? Is somebody threatening you?!" And it was certainly his fault, he had put Iruka in danger!

"Nobody's threatening me." Iruka stroked the Jounin's upper arm reassuringly. "They're for you. To feel safer in here."

"Oh." Kakashi's eyes widened. "For me?"

"Yes." Iruka slowly wrapped his arms around his waist. "I have them on every window. I want you to feel safe to embrace me or sleep or do anything you want in here whenever you want."

"Oh." Kakashi looked at him, unsure what to do. He couldn't remember the last time anybody had done something not strictly necessary to make him feel better. He didn't even know if that had ever happened to him before.

"Do you think you can feel safer with them?", Iruka asked softly.

"Yes", Kakashi whispered. "Yes, I… thank you." He embraced the Chuunin. "Thank you, Iruka."

"You're welcome." Iruka nuzzled his neck. "I love you."

"I want to love you. Thank you", Kakashi whispered once again, then leaned down to kiss him softly. And just as he had hoped, Iruka smiled.

-- -- --

"Again a mission? And for two weeks even? But you've only just come back here." Iruka looked at him sadly.

"I have to", Kakashi murmured. "We're short-staffed at the moment and the Hokage can't afford to let me stay in the village."

Iruka sighed. "I understand. It's just…" Another sigh. "I missed you while you were gone, and you've only just come back this morning. But I understand."

"I will have to leave in three hours." Kakashi smiled hopefully. "We could eat dinner together before I go." Apple pancakes?

"That would be nice." Iruka smiled back. "Any wishes?"

"Apple pancakes?" Pleasepleaseplease?

"Well", Iruka laughed. "I knew _that_. I meant apart from apple pancakes. I think I should feed you with more if you have to go on a mission."

"Don't care." Kakashi smiled happily. Apple pancakes!

"Alright, I'll find something." Iruka grinned, then walked towards him and embraced him. "I will miss you. Without you, my apartment feels so empty, especially at night. I missed you in my bed."

"Oh, night." Kakashi remembered something. "Can I take your pillow cover with me again?"

"Of course. But I'll give you the one I used while you were gone, alright?"

"Thank you." Kakashi hugged the Chuunin tighter. Iruka was very nice to give him something to help him sleep. Maybe he should try to give Iruka something in return? But what? Iruka had always slept well without him, and Kakashi didn't have a pillow cover.

"What did you miss most while I was gone?", he asked.

"Being held", Iruka murmured and snuggled closer. "And holding you. And hearing your breathing at night and feeling your warmth then."

Being held… Kakashi didn't know how to give that to Iruka. And holding him… maybe he could find something for Iruka to hold? But that thing with the breath and the warmth… that was tricky. Soo… something to hold, to hear breathing and to be warm… Hmmmm… So what could that be? What could-

"Pakkun!", Kakashi exclaimed when an idea struck him.

"What?" Iruka jumped in shock. "What's a 'Pakkun'?"

"You can have Pakkun while I'm gone." Kakashi grinned happily. "Wait." Oh, this was so perfect! Not only would Iruka be happy, Kakashi could also be sure that the Chuunin was safe. Pakkun would make sure of that and could even inform him just in case something happened. And Pakkun would-

Kakashi flinched. Uh-oh. He had forgotten that Pakkun didn't really like to be treated like a dog. Or being cuddled, or even touched much. And that was bad for that 'something to hold and be warm at night'-thing.

"Kakashi? What's wrong? And what's that 'Pakkun'?", Iruka asked.

But Pakkun would still breathe. Everybody had to breathe, even a bad-tempered, sarcastic pug. And that was at least one of three, right? And Iruka would have somebody to talk to, even if Pakkun could be rather grumpy and stroppy at times. But still Iruka would have someone to keep him company. And be safe, and that was even more important.

"Kakashi?"

"Pakkun can stay here." Kakashi nodded, having made a decision. "I'll call him." He took out a kunai from his weapon pouch, nicked his thumb and then formed the seals for the summoning jutsu. A cloud of smoke appeared.

"What is it now, boss?", it asked. "You know, I was eating."

"Pakkun, you will stay here with Iruka while I'm on a mission", Kakashi declared.

"What's an 'Iruka'?", the pug asked.

"That would be me", the Chuunin told him, then turned towards Kakashi. "Explain?"

"Pakkun can keep you company while I'm on that mission." Kakashi beamed happily. "He breathes!"

"Ooo… kay?" Iruka didn't seem convinced.

"He's a client?", Pakkun asked. "You know, if he is, then it's your job to protect him."

"I don't need to be protected", Iruka growled.

"Pakkun will stay to keep you company", Kakashi interfered. "And to breathe at night."

"To…" Iruka frowned, then laughed. "Kakashi, that's so very you."

"So very me?" He wasn't sure if he understood that.

"Yes, very." Iruka smiled at him, then kissed him softly. "Pakkun can stay if he wants to. To keep me company and breathe at night. But now I'll take care of dinner. You're invited, Pakkun." And with that he went into the kitchen.

"Explain", Pakkun ordered the moment he and Kakashi were alone in the living room.

"Iruka's my… boyfriend", the Jounin told him, not sure whether the dog knew that word. But he would _so_ not call Iruka his 'mate', no way.

"Ah." Pakkun arched an eyebrow. "And you decided that why?"

"He loves me. And I want to learn to love him back."

"Sure, boss, whatever you say." Pakkun snorted. "And I'm here because…"

"I have to go on a mission and don't want Iruka to miss me. Therefore you'll stay here and keep him company."

"Of cooouuurse…" Pakkun glared. "Look at me, at my bushy, pink fur and my nice, dumb-looking eyes. What do you think I am?! A frigging _poodle?!_"

"You will do as I tell you", Kakashi growled.

"Ah, you order me to be the _pet_ of your _boyfriend?!_"

"I order you to keep Iruka company, make sure he doesn't get sad because he misses me and protect him just in case it's necessary." Kakashi glared at his nin-dog. He had known that Pakkun was stubborn, unfriendly and not very fond of humans, but didn't he see that Iruka was important and special?

"Protect him?" Pakkun snorted. "Now really, boss, you almost had me there."

"I mean it!"

"Yeah, sure. You want me to protect a Jounin, alright."

"Iruka's a Chuunin." A very capable one from all he knew, but the Copy-nin had dangerous enemies.

"Of cooouuurse…"

"He is! What makes you think he's a Jounin?"

"Boss, I think it's enough now, was very funny and all that, but-" Pakkun stopped and eyed his master suspiciously. "You _are_ kidding, aren't you?"

"Iruka is a Chuunin", Kakashi repeated, slightly confused by his nin-dog's odd behaviour.

"His chakra is too strong for that." Pakkun sniffed. "Well, not really too strong, but it's rather strong for a Chuunin."

"His chakra's too strong?" Kakashi frowned, then carefully felt out with his own towards Iruka. His eyes widened. "You're right!" The chakra waves he felt were definitely extremely strong for being Chuunin-level.

"But sure I'm right. Unlike you humans, I can smell how strong a chakra is." Pakkun snorted. "You're sure he's a Chuunin? His chakra control is excellent, almost reaches an ANBU's even. That's probably why you didn't notice immediately."

"I… I…" Kakashi didn't know what to think. Was the man in the kitchen not Iruka maybe? But that couldn't be, he smelled and felt like Iruka and had the Chuunin's chakra signature. But what could it be else? Had-

Kakashi swallowed hard, painfully. Had Iruka tricked him? Had Iruka just pretended to be Chuunin-rank to… to do what? To kill him? To infiltrate Konoha?

"I… Iruka?", Kakashi croaked. "Iruka?" It hurt to think about the possibilities and he didn't really want to know what it was, but he had to.

"Yes?"

"Iruka, could you come here?" And then explain everything? And say that it was nothing serious or that Pakkun had made a mistake? And not, please not say that he was a traitor and had only pretended to love him?

"What is it?" Iruka looked out of the kitchen.

Kakashi opened his mouth to speak, to ask, but found that he couldn't form a single word, could hardly breathe. He motioned for Pakkun to ask instead of him.

"Why are you Chuunin while judging from your chakra level you should be Jounin?", the pug asked coldly. "And are you Chuunin?"

Kakashi saw Iruka freeze, then his face grimaced. "I am a Chuunin", he told them.

"Your chakra tells differently", Pakkun gave back.

"I didn't want the promotion when it was offered to me." Iruka stepped into the living room and crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking uneasy.

"You took the exams?", Kakashi asked, feeling hope well up inside him. That could be an explanation. Iruka could have been ready but then have refused. He had never heard of something like that happening before, but it was possible, right? Right?!

"Yes." Iruka nodded. "I had the chance to become Jounin three times."

"And you passed the third time and then refused?" Passing at the third try was incredibly good. Kakashi himself had passed on his first, but the average was four.

"I passed and refused every time."

"What?!", Kakashi gasped.

"Kakashi, I…" Iruka sighed and seemed to want to say something but then the look in his eyes became defiant suddenly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But Iruka, I-"

"I don't want to talk about it." Iruka turned his back towards him. "If it's so damn important for you, you can ask Tsunade-sama to give you my file. You have my permission to do so if you think you have to."

"Iruka, I…" Kakashi sighed, unsure what to do. "Promise me you don't intend to… to do something that will harm the village?" He knew it was stupid not to dig deeper, not to try to get Iruka to tell him. He probably even should inform the Hokage about it, but… Trust, right? That was what Iruka always gave to him. He would try to give it back although it was a risk he as a shinobi probably shouldn't take.

"I promise that the reason why I'm still a Chuunin is of no concern for the village's safety", Iruka told him stiffly.

"And promise me that it doesn't… that it is of no concern for us?", Kakashi pleaded softly.

"For us?", Iruka whispered and shook his head but turned around. "Do you really think I could do anything to harm you?" He smiled sadly. "I'd rather die, Kakashi."

The Jounin swallowed hard. "Okay."

Trust. He would just trust Iruka.

-- -- --

Kakashi sighed when finally Iruka's apartment house came in sight in the darkness after two and a half weeks of being out and being shinobi instead of human with Iruka. He was so, so, sooo tired. Somehow the pillow cover hadn't worked quite as good as the old one. But he was rather sure that it hadn't been because of the cloth.

Sighing again, the exhausted Jounin entered the apartment through the open window to the living room. He smiled softly when the heavy new curtains brushed his shoulders. He would be with Iruka again. He would sleep again. And in the morning he would try to sort everything out.

On silent feet, Kakashi went to the bedroom and carefully opened the door to slip inside. He quickly but quietly shed his clothes except his shirt and boxers, then just wanted to slip under the sheets and next to Iruka when he noticed something and froze.

There was somebody in the bed! There was somebody lying in Iruka's arms!

Kakashi growled softly. That was _his_ place. Nobody but _him_ was allowed to sleep there!

"Hey!", he hissed angrily. "Hey!"

"Hrn?"

"Hey! Get lost!"

"Hrmngrph." A yawn. "Boss?"

"Get lost!", Kakashi hissed again.

"Get lost yourself." Pakkun closed his eyes again.

Kakashi stared. Then stared more. Waaait. Wait. That… that was…

"What the hell are you doing there?", he demanded, trying to keep his voice low despite him being outrageous by now. His place! _His_ place! His place, his place, his-

"Your boyfriend invited me." Pakkun grinned smugly.

"Get. Out."

"No. Way."

"Pakkun, that's my last-"

"Kakashi?"

"Yes?" The Jounin flinched. He hadn't wanted to wake Iruka.

"You're back." Iruka yawned and slowly opened his eyes. "How are you?"

"Fine." Kakashi nodded and was rewarded with a sleepy smile.

"See?", Pakkun asked. "I told you he would be alright."

"You!", Kakashi hissed, remembering whose fault it was he wasn't already lying in Iruka's bed with Iruka in his arms. "That's my place!"

"Hm?" Iruka frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Pakkun's lying on my-" Kakashi broke off when he realised how stupid he would probably sound with his complaint.

"The boss wants to kick me out", Pakkun told him, showing the Chuunin an indignant pout.

"Why that, Kakashi?"

"I… that…" The Jounin felt himself blush under his mask. "That's my place."

"Your place? Where?"

"In… in your arms." Where it was warm. Kakashi's warmth.

Iruka groaned. "You want to tell me you're jealous of your nin-dog?"

"That's my place", Kakashi insisted. "And besides, Pakkun never before liked to be cuddled."

"Well, I like it now." The pug huffed. "And now get lost."

"That's my-"

"Stop it!", Iruka told them sternly. "This is ridiculous."

"Sorry", Kakashi murmured. But still… his place.

"Okay…" Iruka sat up. "I'm sure we'll find a good place for each of you. But first…" He looked up at Kakashi. "Did you read my file?"

"No." Kakashi shook his head but felt that he had to confess more. "I wanted to. I… I almost asked Tsunade-sama for it just now, but… but I didn't." It had felt bad suddenly, as if he had been about to do something very bad to Iruka.

"Why not?"

"I… I thought that… that if you don't want to tell me, then I shouldn't look for it in your file." He bit his lip. "But before I left for the mission, I… I told Tsunade-sama about our… argument and asked her if she knew anything and then she said that she knew and that you'd had your reasons and that Sandaime-sama knew, too, and that the village isn't in danger and when I came back, she asked me whether I wanted to see your file and I said that I didn't want because I don't think you want me to and then I came here because I wanted to see you", he finished in a rush.

Iruka kept looking at him for some moments more, but then smiled softly. "Come here." He held up the sheets on his side not occupied by Pakkun.

"Thank you." Kakashi hurried to get close to him, then embraced him. Mmmmh… warm.

"Apple pancakes for breakfast?"

"Yes, please."

-- -- -- -- --

tbc

* * *

**AN:**

Some things I want to say to this chapter:

First, I'm sorry that it took so long for me to write this but I haven't had a single free day in the last four weeks, including my weekends. I hope it'll get better now.

Second, hot-water bottles in pillow slips are _heaven._

Third, I can't stop giggling when I imagine Kakashi close to panic because twenty-something little kids hug him.

Fourth, kissing through a mask probably isn't a very pleasant thing. We'll have to wait and see whether he learns to like kissing still.

Fifth, no, this is not going to be an 'Iruka is a funky, cool, kick-ass Hunter Nin'-story. He's a Chuunin, period, and that's how he's best. He doesn't need any rank or anything to be a great character. I do have certain plans for him but I'm aiming for him to stay himself. For Kakashi's sake, if not for anything else.

Nayru


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: M for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 6 of 15(?)

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter 6__ – Where's the first one?_

"Explain", Kakashi ordered briskly the moment the bathroom door shut behind Iruka in the morning. "What were you doing on my place?"

"Sleeping." Pakkun rolled his eyes. "What did it look like?"

"You never liked to be touched." He'd once become Puggy Killing Machine when Gai had only suggested he could scratch his ears.

"You neither", the pug gave back.

"Well, I like it when Iruka touches me", Kakashi snapped.

"There you have it." Pakkun snorted. "I like that, too."

"But why him?"

"Could ask you the same thing." Pakkun sighed. "Seriously, boss, I can't say what's so special about him. It's just… him."

"Yes…" Kakashi shook his head. "You're right. He's special."

"I didn't want him to… cuddle me at first, really." Pakkun made a face. "I mean, cuddling? And he didn't try to, not at all. But somehow… well, he invited me to sit on the couch with him to watch TV or he asked me whether I wanted to sit with him in the kitchen while he was cooking, and somehow…"

"Somehow it became nice", Kakashi whispered. He knew that, knew already how Iruka seemed to be able to crawl under every defense, underneath reluctance and hesitance.

"Very nice", Pakkun agreed. "He gives good belly rubs. I say we keep him."

"Hey!" The Jounin glared at him. "You'll not stay here now I'm back!" His place!

"Cheapskate", Pakkun growled.

"My place." Kakashi glared more.

"You're not again arguing about that, are you?", Iruka sighed suddenly.

"We just sorted everything out", Kakashi assured hastily.

"Whatever." Iruka smiled. "Pakkun, would you like to stay for breakfast? Apple pancakes?"

"Of course." The pug grinned.

"Hey, they're my-" Kakashi broke off at a stern look from the Chuunin. "Sorry."

"What have I got myself into?", Iruka sighed but then smiled and bent down to kiss the Copy-nin softly.

--

"Both my parents were Jounin", Iruka said suddenly, flipping a pancake over. "It had always been my dream to become one, too, when I was a kid. And after… after they died, it became my mission, kind of. To make them proud."

Kakashi just nodded, a little surprised that Iruka seemed to have decided to tell him something like that.

"I was fifteen when I became Chuunin", Iruka said the moment he'd finished the last pancake and sat down opposite from Kakashi and Pakkun on the kitchen table. "Just like in school, I had trained and learned my ass off while pretending to be dead last of my class and passed the exams rather easily, so I was told that I could try Jounin the same year. It was only three years after Kyuubi and the village was still short on high-ranking shinobi, therefore things went much faster in those matters."

"Tournament or mission?", Kakashi asked. Chuunin could become Jounin by passing a tournament not unlike the Chuunin exams or by accomplishing a very dangerous mission. He'd done the latter. More than once before he'd been promoted, to be precise.

"Tournament." Iruka took a sip of his water and turned around to the window to give Kakashi the privacy to pull down his mask and eat. "It was held in the Forest of Death and just the same as the second round of Naruto's Chuunin exams. Only with more contestants and higher rank. We had to get a light and a dark scroll and then keep them and stay alive until the time was up. There was no ending it by entering the tower and no other rules. We were told that everything that happened in the forest stayed in the forest."

"How long did you have to stay there?"

"Two weeks."

"That's long."

"M-hm." Iruka sighed. "I stole the scroll I needed in the first night from somebody. I didn't even need to injure him, just to throw sleeping powder over him. And then I hid for the next eight days or so."

"Clever", Kakashi said.

"I thought so, too. Nobody found me, nobody knew I was there. One night a Suna Chuunin even camped right in front of my hiding place without seeing me. I've always been talented at controlling and masking my chakra, my whole family's always been. That's been my greatest advantage, also in the Chuunin exams and on missions. My opponents always underestimated me until it was too late."

"So you passed the Jounin exams easily, too."

"I probably would have." Iruka sighed. It sounded bitter. "On the tenth night I heard screams not far away. Not fighting screams, screams of utter terror and pain. I couldn't stand it. I had to go and look. I thought maybe somebody was attacked by a forest animal and I could help."

"What was happening?", Kakashi asked instead of telling the Chuunin that leaving a safe hideout wasn't a good idea, never.

"I… I kept hiding as much as I could while I crawled closer until I could look through a bush." Iruka swallowed hard. "There was… there was a Konoha Chuunin I knew. He had captured a female Chuunin from Wave."

Kakashi didn't say anything. He thought he knew what had happened.

"She was screaming. She was barely alive anymore but she was still screaming." Iruka swallowed again. "And he… he was cutting her skin, her face and burning her arms and breasts with fire jutsus. While he raped her." The Chuunin's hands started trembling. "Her left hand… all fingers were missing… and… and her skin… there was barely anything left that wasn't black… and… and…"

"Iruka." Kakashi reached out and took the Chuunin's hand. He noticed that even Pakkun looked sick. And the thought of what Iruka had seen was sickening, not because they hadn't seen even worse things – they had, and how they had – but because it felt so very bad to imagine that Iruka had had to see it, Iruka who belonged to light and warmth and laughter, not to violence, cruelty and death.

"It's alright", Iruka whispered but squeezed the Copy-nin's hand. "It's alright." He took a deep breath. "I was… I was petrified. And angry suddenly, so angry. He was a Konoha Chuunin, just like me, and still he… he… I drew a kunai, jumped out of the bushes and yelled at him to stop it. He just laughed and drew a shuriken. Obviously, he underestimated me and thought I was an easy prey. I dodged the shuriken and slammed the blade through his throat before he could try again. Then I lifted the girl up and took her to my hideout. I tended to her wounds the best as I could and then tried to keep her alive until we would be able to leave the forest."

"That was very brave, Iruka", Kakashi said softly. For a human. And very stupid for a shinobi, but he didn't say that.

"It was stupid." Iruka shook his head fiercely. "When she could speak again, she begged me to kill her. She said she didn't want to live anymore. I… I couldn't do it. I kept telling her that everything would be alright. But she didn't stop begging…"

"It wasn't your fault", Pakkun said softly.

"I know. I know." Iruka took a shaking breath. "I kept telling her how everything would be fine again, how I would take her outside and how she would get healed and all that. And she stopped to beg for her death. I thought… I thought she believed me even though I couldn't believe me myself. And then… and then on the last night… she took one of my kunai when I didn't look and slit her own throat." The Chuunin choked. "She died in my arms."

"It was her decision, Iruka", Kakashi choked out while he tried to force his own memories down, memories of a blade and blood and a cold body and- He shook his head.

"I know…" Tears ran down the Chuunin's cheeks. "Sandaime-sama said so, too. But still… She killed herself… because of something a Konoha shinobi had done to her. One of my comrades. I'd thought that we were the good ones up to that day. I had believed in us."

Kakashi knew that there was nothing he could say. He'd already seen too much in his life to try to convince Iruka that they were 'the good ones'.

"I didn't want to become a Jounin", Iruka whispered. "They offered the promotion to me because I had collected both scrolls and back in those days that was enough, apparently. But I didn't want it. I even didn't want to be a shinobi anymore. But Sandaime-sama didn't let me retreat. He said that I should go back to school and be a teaching assistant until I would have calmed down. He accepted my decision not to become Jounin though."

"He was right to make you stay and go to the Academy", Kakashi said softly. "Who would teach the kids if not you? Who would have been able to tame Naruto?"

"Yes." Iruka smiled a little and wiped his face with his sleeve. "Yes, I know. I refused to see it back then but he was right. I wanted to leave for the wrong reasons. I was fearing to one day become like that man, you know. I had lost faith in myself and in shinobi in general, but I was wrong. There was still the village, there were still those who served faithfully and without finding pleasure in another's pain. It wouldn't have been right to let a single bastard make me abandon my duty for my village."

"Come here." Kakashi held out his arms until Iruka settled down on his lap, chuckling softly.

"I'm such a cry-baby", the Chuunin murmured. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry", Kakashi whispered. He didn't know why, but seeing Iruka cry made him feel warm. It hurt, too, very much even. But still it felt warm to know that there was somebody who cried for those who couldn't cry anymore.

"My… my second chance to become Jounin…", Iruka started.

"You don't have to do this", Kakashi told him softly.

"No, no. It's fine." Iruka smiled a little. "I want you to know."

"Okay." Kakashi tightened his embrace.

"The second time it was a mission two years later. There was no Jounin available although it was an A, so I was called. Sandaime-sama told me that I could be promoted to Jounin if I made it. I accepted. I had made up my mind and decided that if I became Jounin, I could protect the ones I cared about better." Iruka took a deep breath. "It was an assassination mission."

"You shouldn't have accepted it", Kakashi murmured. Iruka was able to kill if forced to, physically and mentally, he didn't doubt that. But Iruka couldn't be a cold-blooded assassin, Kakashi refused to accept that.

"But I did. And I went in search for my target and found him rather easily and then… I hesitated."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I had already killed that Chuunin at the exams and I knew that my target was a dangerous criminal, a murderer, robber and rapist, but this was different still. I… I wasn't… I felt as if I would step down to his level if I just killed him. So I… I left my cover and approached him."

"Iruka, that-"

"I know", the Chuunin interrupted sharply. "I know that it was stupid and that I was risking my life and the mission's success, but I couldn't stop myself. It was going back and leaving that man to murder and rape more until somebody else would find him, or fighting him." He shook his head. "I was ready to die back then. But for the wrong reasons. Not to protect my friends and village but to calm my conscience. I was so incredibly stupid."

"What happened?", Kakashi asked softly.

"I had my chakra masked as much as possible and pretended to be a civilian lost on my way to the next village. He immediately offered to take me there and then presumably tried to overpower me in a small forest. I fought him, let him injure me on purpose to lure him even more into a false sense of security and then waited for an opening and killed him. And my conscience was quiet. Until I found his… captives." Iruka swallowed hard. "They… they… to say that he had tortured them doesn't even remotely describe what they had had to endure. He had done to them what… what had happened to the woman in the forest, and even more. Even… more…"

"Iruka." Kakashi started to gently stroke the trembling Chuunin's back, trying to reassure him. He saw that Pakkun came over and settled down on Iruka's lap, rubbing his nose against his hand. And slowly, his boyfriend calmed down.

"They were… both conscious. A man and… and a woman, almost a child still… The man… the man begged me to end his life…" Iruka took a shaking breath. "I… I was so afraid that what had happened at the Jounin exams would happen again, but still I couldn't kill him with my own hands, so… I gave him a small bottle of poison that would kill him without inflicting pain on him. I told him that he would have to kill himself because I couldn't do it. And I was hoping that maybe he wouldn't dare…" The Chuunin swallowed hard. "He took the poison without any hesitance. He just… he just opened the bottle, drank it and then closed his eyes and waited. I felt so sick back then, seeing him die, so useless. I felt… so…"

"Shh…", Kakashi whispered.

"And then I tried to take the girl to Konoha with me, I thought I could at least save her. But she died after half of the way back…"

"Iru-"

"And… and do you know what? I think I could have saved the man", Iruka sobbed. "I think… I think I could have saved him if I hadn't…"

"He had already given up", Kakashi whispered thickly. "You couldn't have saved him."

"Maybe." Iruka laughed bitterly. "I will never know, now will I?" He shook his head. "I went back to Konoha after I had buried the girl. And again I was offered to become Jounin. Sandaime-sama wasn't happy, but after all, I had completed the mission."

"But you didn't want to."

"No." Iruka shook his head. "The man… the man who had begged me to kill him… he had been a Jounin. And that made me afraid. I was afraid that I would one day go on a mission and something would happen that would make me beg for my death. The thought frightened me. So I refused to become promoted, but again not because of the right reasons. I was again only thinking of myself. The first time I had been afraid that I could become a monster one day and the second time that I could become a victim." He smiled sadly. "But again Sandaime-sama understood and accepted my decision and then slowly opened my eyes until I understood, too."

"The old man was smart", Kakashi murmured fondly. He'd always admired the Third Hokage, and now that he knew that the old man had cared so much about Iruka, he did it even more.

"He was." Iruka smiled again, then nuzzled his face in the Jounin's clothed neck and started to gently stroke Pakkun's back. "With his help, I refused to become Jounin for the right reasons when they asked me for the third time."

"What happened?", Kakashi asked curiously but regretted it immediately when Iruka tensed suddenly against him.

"I… I don't think I can tell you that yet", he whispered. "Not what happened."

"That's fine", Kakashi assured. "You don't have to."

"But my reasons…" Iruka looked up and smiled at him. "My reasons were that I finally saw that I'm good at what I'm doing. I'm a good teacher and a good Chuunin. I help my Hokage to keep this village working and I teach my students as good as I can to make sure that whatever they do after school, they'll be prepared for it. I understand that I shouldn't throw that away only to become an unstable, doubting Jounin and maybe a risk for those around me. Sandaime-sama taught me to be proud of what I am."

"I'm happy that you are who and what you are", Kakashi whispered hoarsely. And he was relieved, so very relieved about that. This Iruka, this laughing, happy, sure, warm Iruka was able to love him. He doubted that he would have been able to do so if he had become a Jounin.

"Me too." Iruka bent down and kissed him sweetly.

-- -- --

"Again?" Iruka sighed deeply.

"What's wrong?", Kakashi asked, slightly concerned.

"Nothing serious." His boyfriend smiled softly. "Anko just sent a note asking for help with renovate her apartment. She wants new tapestries in her living room. Again. She's only just had the old ones for maybe three months."

"Then what's wrong with them now?"

"Nothing probably. That's Anko for you." Iruka shrugged. "Ever pulled off tapestries from a wall and put new ones on it?"

"Nope. But can try."

"We all only ever do." Iruka laughed. "And afterwards we more often than not get so drunk we all have to sleep on her floor."

"That's not good", Kakashi told him. Who knew what could happen? Somebody could decide to attack or to blow up the apartment complex or… or…

"Oh, but this time I have you to carry me home to my bed." Iruka smirked, came over and embraced him. "Looking forward to it."

Kakashi somehow didn't.

--

What had Iruka got him into? Kakashi warily glanced from Genma trying to grope Raidou's butt to Raidou trying who-knew-why to fill dried peas he'd found who-knew-where through the opening of an empty beer can to Iruka and Anko trying to push each other against the new tapestries and blowing raspberries at each other. And that while everything had seemed so… normal only minutes ago.

"Kasashi."

That was another thing bothering him. Iruka didn't seem to remember his name anymore. "Yes?"

"Wannagohome?", the Chuunin slurred.

"I really think you should." Kakashi stood up from his crouch in a corner of Anko's living room, always taking care of not touching the fresh tapestries, and carefully helped his boyfriend to his feet.

"Ruka'sh drunk!", Anko shouted, giggling.

"Mnot!", Iruka snorted, snuggling against the Copy-nin's chest. "Am shnuggly wish my Katashi."

"Kakashi", the Jounin corrected.

"Kapathi."

"Kakashi."

"Ka… ka… phiii."

"Kakashi."

"Ka… shi?"

"Good enough." He sighed and carefully helped his boyfriend into his sandals. "Want to walk?"

"Yup!" Iruka beamed at him. "Walllk wish my Kashi unda se shtarsh."

"Okay…" The Copy-nin nodded goodbye at the other drunken shinobi, ducked his head quickly when Iruka waved enthusiastically and then walked them both out of the apartment onto the street.

"No shtarsh." Iruka pouted at the cloudy sky.

"You'll probably see enough stars tomorrow", Kakashi murmured, earning himself a giggling fit. "You shouldn't get so drunk, really, Iruka."

"Don' do id oftennn", the Chuunin told him. "An' only iffIfeel shafe." He sighed and cuddled closer to him. "Feel shafe wish you."

"That makes me happy, Iruka", Kakashi whispered softly and stopped them in their swaying walk. "I know you don't need it but I want to always protect you."

"Wan' tha' too." Iruka sighed again, his body slumping a little.

"Sleepy?", Kakashi whispered.

"M-hmmm…"

"Want me to jutsu you into your bed?" By now he had to hold his boyfriend up so he stayed on his feet.

"Mrrrh…"

"Okay, I'll take that as approval. And do you think you can drink something before you fall asleep?"

"Nomosake."

Kakashi chuckled. "I mean some water or maybe tea? So sake's not the only thing in your stomach?"

"Cn try." Iruka yawned. "Bunnopromsh."

Kakashi quickly translated that into not-drunk. "But no promise?"

"Mr-mmmh…"

"Alright. But you'll probably thank me tomorrow if I manage."

"Mrrrrrrh…"

--

"Stop laughing."

"I'm not laughing", Kakashi assured.

"Are. Meanie."

Kakashi chuckled. "More water?"

"So I can fall over my own feet once again on my next trip to the bathroom?", Iruka grumped.

"You only miscalculated the length of your steps", the Jounin offered.

"Meanie. Get me another painkiller."

"Instantly." Kakashi bowed. This was… not really fun, but… well, it was entertaining, he had to admit.

"And… Kakashi?"

"Yes?"

Iruka sighed. "Could you go take a look at Gen, Rai and Anko? Just make sure…"

"They're all safe and sound and hungover, just like you." Kakashi smiled at him softly. "I went to look at them while you slept."

Iruka smiled tiredly. "Thank you, you're wonderful. I love you. Even though you're a meanie and laughed about me when I fell on my butt just now."

"Want to love you. Even though you don't remember my name anymore when you're drunk."

"I remembered it. I just couldn't tell my tongue."

"Just like you couldn't tell your feet right now to keep you upright?" Kakashi laughed when he quickly dodged the pillow thrown at him.

-- -- --

"Know what?"

Kakashi smirked under his mask. He'd found out in the last weeks that Iruka always started a conversation with 'know what?' if he'd either found out something about either of them, wanted to tell him some ridiculously unimportant but nevertheless funny and interesting tidbit of information he'd picked up somewhere or had decided to let him participate in some hilarious wisdom he'd discovered for some reason or other and that never ceased to make him laugh. It always made his lips curl at the prospect of either of those whenever he heard his boyfriend say, 'know what?'

"What?", he asked, just as he was supposed to do.

"You know, when you wear socks", Iruka started, wiggling his feet that were indeed hidden in rainbow-coloured, striped socks with even each toe separately in its own little piece of cotton wool.

"I don't wear socks", Kakashi chuckled. He preferred slippers but his boyfriend absolutely favoured warm socks when at home – the more colourful the better. And toe-socks were his all-time favourites. The Copy-nin suspected it was because he could slide around on them in the kitchen and the bathroom. He only ever did it when he thought Kakashi wasn't watching though.

"You really should." Iruka wiggled his toes again. "I know where you can get some like these in your size."

"Pakkun would laugh."

"Hm…" Iruka poked him in his side with one of his toes. "You both don't know what you're missing."

"Was that what you wanted to tell me?", Kakashi asked, took the foot gently and started to massage it.

"Nope." Iruka sighed happily. "I wanted to tell you that if you wear socks and then pull them off your feet again, then there sometimes are those small… bits in between your toes, you know?"

"Okay…"

"It's just bits of cotton wool, it's nothing eew", Iruka told him.

"It's still weird."

"However." The second foot poked him and demanded the same attention as the first which was granted immediately. "I thought about it and I think there's no name for those bits, you know?"

"So you made up a name?", Kakashi guessed, chuckling.

"Yup."

"What is it?"

"Sock vomit."

-- -- --

Kakashi hummed a little. He didn't know why though, he couldn't remember ever having done that before, but now… Somehow knowing that he was about to see Iruka soon was making him want to hum. Weird…

But however, Iruka's shift was almost over and from what he'd seen through the window of the mission room, there was nobody occupying him. So no reason why he shouldn't start spending time with him immediately, yes, ye-

No!

Kakashi barely kept himself from growling when he saw Ebisu enter the mission room right before him. Damn. That guy was going to take Iruka's time away. He hadn't even seen the Copy-nin, so he would probably take long. Mrph.

"Iruka-sensei?", he heard Ebisu say and decided to wait outside the room for the other man to leave again. He didn't like the Special Jounin much because that man had never bothered to hide the fact that he didn't like Naruto.

"Ebisu-sensei." Hm, Iruka sounded as if he also wasn't all happy about seeing the Special Jounin.

"Iruka-sensei, I must inform you that somebody is spreading rumours about you."

"Really? And what could that be, do tell?" The Chuunin sounded less than interested.

"It is said that you were dating Hatake Kakashi."

Kakashi growled softly. That Ebisu didn't need to sound so angry, disgusted almost.

"Oh, then you don't have to worry, Ebisu-sensei." Kakashi peeked around the doorframe and saw Iruka smile softly. "Because those aren't rumours."

"They aren't?!", the other man gasped.

"They aren't." Iruka stood up from his chair. "And if you would excuse me now, my shift is over and I will be meeting my boyfriend."

"You can't seriously consider dating him!"

Kakashi growled again. Since when was that Ebisu's decision?

"I don't consider that", Iruka said calmly. "I'm doing it. And I'm not going to ask anybody for permission, least of all you."

"You can't be serious!"

"Why not?" Iruka arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Just think about his reputation!"

"I do." The Chuunin tilted his head to the side. "He's considered to be a capable shinobi and a very trustworthy and caring friend." He smiled and warmed Kakashi's chest with that.

"He's unstable and a killer", Ebisu snarled.

Kakashi flinched. He didn't want Iruka to think about that.

"He's a Jounin", Iruka just said. "Doing his job to protect the village. Us", he added icily.

"He… he… he's a man!", Ebisu shouted.

To Kakashi's surprise, Iruka smirked cruelly. "Ah, now we're reaching the main point, aren't we?"

"Iruka-sensei, you-"

"You think I shouldn't be with him because we're both men?", Iruka asked, his voice cold and sharp as ice. "I can't remember homosexuality bothering you when you tried to get me drunk enough to have your way with me some months ago. Granted, you were rather drunk, too, but that's no excuse."

Kakashi froze. Then he attacked.

"You did what?!", he yelled and grabbed Ebisu by his collar only split seconds after he'd entered the room. "How can you dare to try to… to do something with Iruka?!"

"Kakashi." Iruka's voice was soft.

"But he tried to… to…"

"He didn't succeed", Iruka told him softly and gently placed his hand on the Jounin's tense arm. "I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am and Anko, Genma and Raidou were there, too."

"I never tried-" Ebisu yelped when Kakashi threw him away from him. Away from Iruka, more importantly.

"If you ever dare to try to touch him again", he forced out through gritted teeth, "I will kill you." He didn't really know what 'having his way' would have meant, but it didn't sound nice, not at all. It even sounded as if it would have hurt Iruka. Nobody was allowed to hurt Iruka, nobody, nobody, _nobody!_ And nobody but him was allowed to touch Iruka.

"I… you… I will inform the Hokage about this", Ebisu stammered while he scrambled to his feet. "You had no right to attack me."

"Do that", Iruka told him softly before Kakashi could voice more threats. "But keep in mind that you won't be the only one informing her about something then." He took the Copy-nin's trembling hand in his. "Oh, and don't forget to tell her that I am dating another man. I'm sure that she will be delighted to hear your opinion in that matter."

"You… you…" Ebisu closed his mouth, stood up and straightened his clothes. "I will… I will…" He growled and hastily left.

"Have you been here the whole time?", Iruka asked softly, stroking over Kakashi's hand with his thumb.

"Yes." The Jounin turned towards him and embraced him tightly.

"Rumours about us dating… Has taken some time for them to leave the Academy…" Iruka chuckled softly and placed his head on his shoulder. "Funny. Since we haven't even had what is normally considered a date yet." He lifted his head again. "But I must say that I don't mind the rumours."

"Why not?", Kakashi asked. "What if more people like him come and try to hurt you?"

"Don't care." Iruka kissed him. "As long as those rumours keep people from trying to hit on you." He smirked. "You're all mine, dates or not."

Kakashi nodded. But still… dates…

-- -- --

"We already have many." Kakashi let his eye travel over the dozens of stones with holes lying on one of Iruka's cupboards.

"Please don't stop searching though." Iruka took his hand. "I have still much space left for more."

"Okay." Kakashi just wanted to turn to him and embrace him when he noticed something missing. "Where's the first one?" The small, cream-coloured one with the white line on it?

"Oh, you noticed." Iruka blushed a little. "It's… it's on my bedside table. Between the photographs of Naruto and of my parents." He hid his face in the Jounin's chest. "I wanted to have it close…"

"Oh." Kakashi embraced him tightly.

-- -- --

"You want to know about the Wonder of Youth that is Youthful Dating, my Eternal Rival?! I am sure you want to test my Honourable Knowledge about the Secrets of Love in your Hip and Modern Attitude! But I will Proudly tell you everything I know about the Tender Bonding that-"

"Great, Gai, I see you know everything. I'm impressed. Bye." He would better find out himself, really.

-- -- --

"What is it you're singing?", Kakashi whispered although he was reluctant to break the spell.

"Hm?" Iruka blinked and stopped. "Oh, that. It's a lullaby my mother used to sing for me. Do you like it?"

"Very much." Kakashi turned his head on his boyfriend's lap and snuggled his face into his stomach. "Please sing more."

"I could sing something else for you", Iruka offered. "Some other lullaby if you want."

"I don't know any."

"Did your mother never sing any for you?" Hands started to stroke over his hair.

"My mother…" Kakashi couldn't help but tense. "She died during my birth."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Iruka tenderly massaged his scalp. "That must have been hard for you and your father."

"I guess", Kakashi murmured, tensing even more.

'_Sakumo-san, please. It's not his fault. He's just a child.'_

'_I know. I don't blame him, Hokage-sama.'_

'_But Sakumo-san, you've changed. You've always been so happy before. You've been looking forward so much to his birth and now-'_

'_Now she's gone.'_

'_Sakumo-sa-'_

'_She was my laughter, my light. He's my… my duty as a father. I will raise him to become strong and never… never experience the pain of loss. He'll never suffer like I di-'_

Kakashi gasped when suddenly a soft voice invaded his darkness, soft and gentle, chasing away the shadows. He blinked and turned his head to look up at Iruka's face, seeing that his eyes were closed and his lips smiling softly while they formed syllable after syllable of the soothing melody. His hands trembling slightly, he wrapped his arms around Iruka's waist and held him close, determined to never let go again.

-- -- -- -- --

tbc

.

Nayru


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: M

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 7 of 15(?)

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

AN:

My job's hell right now and I haven't had a single free day since March. It's a wonder I actually managed to write something, so please be patient with me if I'm not as fast as you and me want me to. I hope you like the chapter because I certainly do.

.

--

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter 7__ – I'm so stupid._

"Are you sure?" Tsunade arched an eyebrow.

"Absolutely." Kakashi did his best not to fidget.

"Nothing out of the ordinary happened between you, Iruka-sensei and Ebisu-sensei two days ago in the mission room?"

"Can't think of anything." It wasn't really so very out of the ordinary for him to protect his boyfriend from somebody, was it? He was Iruka's boyfriend, he was, yes, he was _supposed_ to protect him.

"And nothing out of the ordinary happened to Ebisu-sensei's apartment?"

"No idea." And he was supposed to help his boyfriend wrack that bastard's apartment, he really was. As his boyfriend he was supposed to help Iruka whenever he could.

"And to his right eye?"

"Don't know anything." And he was also supposed to make sure Ebisu couldn't dare to look at Iruka ever again, he _so_ was. Even if it only was by causing his eye to swell closed.

The Sannin sighed and shook her head. "Leave him alone now, will you? I don't know why and I even don't want to know, but he's freaking out whenever he sees a dog."

Yes, because Pakkun was supposed to help, too.

-- -- --

"And you're sure that it's supposed to go like this?", Kakashi asked for about the hundredth time. But he had to be absolutely sure.

"Yes, believe me." Raidou shook his head but grinned. "It's like that."

"Okay…"

--

"Iruka?"

"M-hm?" The Chuunin didn't look up from his grading.

"Wannagooutwithme?", Kakashi murmured.

"I'm sorry?" Iruka took a new test.

"Want to go out with me?", the Copy-nin tried again, slower this time.

"Go out?" Iruka looked up at him. "You mean, as in a date?"

"Yes?" He could feel a slight blush on his cheeks.

"Oh. Sure." Iruka smiled. "Tonight?"

"Yes." Kakashi smiled back. Good, this was at least going as planned.

"Alright." The Chuunin went back to grading. "I'll just finish these, then we can go if you want."

"Okay." Kakashi carefully took out the already crumpled piece of paper in his pocket and crossed out '1. Ask Iruka out'. That had been easy.

--

"Where are you taking me?" Iruka stretched and sighed. "I'm starving."

Kakashi jumped. "Erm… I… Wait a moment, okay?" He hastily ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself, then took a look at his list.

'2. Make him compliments', it said.

Kakashi cringed. He'd forgotten that! Oh, and the last time he'd tried, it hadn't really worked. Maybe he could skip that? Or was it important? Or not? He would just have to wait and see…

'3. Take him out to 'Le Ciel', your table is reserved for 7:30 p.m.', the list told him. And then the address. And then, 'Don't be late!'

Kakashi sighed in relief. Anko had told him that 'Le Ciel' was the newest, fanciest and most romantic restaurant in town, whatever that meant. And the most expensive, she'd said, but he had enough money to take Iruka there every evening for the next twelve years probably. Shinobi didn't need much money.

"Kakashi?", Iruka's soft voice rang to him from the other side of the door. "Don't you feel good?"

"I'm fine!" The Jounin hastily put back the list again and opened the door. "I'm taking you to 'Le Ciel'", he told his boyfriend.

"'Le Ciel'?!", Iruka gasped. "But… Kakashi, that's too expensive!"

"But I want to take you there." Kakashi nodded and in the last moment decided against saying, 'the best is only barely good enough for you'. It would have been perfectly true, but it somehow sounded weird.

"Kakashi, you don't have to. We can go for ramen or something."

"But I want", the Jounin insisted. "I'm taking you out and that's why I can decide where we go." He wasn't entirely sure whether that was true, but he would just insist on it.

"But…" Iruka sighed, shook his head and finally smiled softly. "Alright, if you really want it. But in that case I need to change first."

"Why?" Kakashi frowned.

Iruka laughed softly. "Kakashi, I don't think they will let us wander into that kind of restaurant with our uniforms."

"Not?" Kakashi frowned deeper. Why not?

"I'm afraid not." Iruka smiled. "Shall I lend you something? I think you might fit into my clothes well enough to make you look presentable."

--

Kakashi didn't like his new… outfit.

The black pants… well, they were okay, he could wear his kunai holsters on his calves without being noticed. And there was enough space around his waist for some small shuriken and senbon and an emergency first aid kit.

The shirt was kind of alright, too. It was loose enough for hiding a chest belt with more senbon and tight enough not to let him look as if he was hiding a chest belt with more senbon. But it was so thin and didn't offer any protection against blows and blades like his vest, not even when he wore that black jacket over it. But he had to admit that the shirt's colour was nice – a deep red, but not like blood, more like grape juice maybe.

"Ready to go?"

Kakashi turned around and took in the sight of his date. Iruka was wearing smooth, cream-coloured pants that hung loosely around his legs without looking baggy, and a shirt in the same colour. The clothes looked nice in contrast to his tanned skin, and around his waist he wore a long scarf or something that matched the colour of Kakashi's shirt and hung down his left hip to his knee. And he wore his hair open.

"You look good", Iruka said softly. "I've never looked so good in that shirt."

"You have your hair open." Kakashi walked over to him and took some strands. "I like how you look. And I like your clothes, too", he added as an afterthought.

"Oh. Thank you." Iruka smiled, blushing a little bit.

"Shall we go then?" Kakashi beamed at him. Hey, now he'd even done the compliment thing!

--

"I think I will skip the starters", Iruka said softly. "The main courses here sound so delicious, I can't wait to taste one."

"M-hm…" Kakashi looked from the window on his left to the kitchen door on his right to the door of the restaurant somewhere behind Iruka. He was just relieved that he had at least a wall at his back.

"I think I know what I'll take." From the corner of his eye, Kakashi saw Iruka smile up at the waitress.

"Yes, Sir?", the woman asked eagerly.

Kakashi scowled. That was another thing bothering him. Not only that waitress but also two more and one waiter were always looking at Iruka. Always. He didn't like that. Iruka was here with him and they didn't have to look at him that often! Or ever! Or-

"I would like a new table", Iruka said softly. "Somewhere in a corner and without a window near so my date can relax a little more." His smile became even sweeter. "And then I would like salmon with cream spinach and chili noodles as main course, and white mousse au chocolat for dessert."

"Very well, Sir", the waitress told him with a smile that had frozen the moment the Chuunin had said the word 'date'. "I will immediately look for a new table for you and then give your order to the kitchen. And for you, Sir?", she asked Kakashi.

"Oh. I…" The Jounin looked down at the menu in his hands for the first time. "I'll…" What should he choose? He didn't even know half of the things there!

"What about a steak?" Iruka smiled at him and pointed at the menu in his hands. "Maybe this one here, with assorted mushrooms and rosemary potatoes? Oh, and look, they have apple pancakes for dessert."

"Sounds good." Kakashi smiled back. Trust Iruka to be considerate and help him. And… apple pancakes!

"Oh, and can we get just water to the food?", Iruka asked the waitress. "We don't drink alcohol."

"Of course, Sir." She nodded, took the menus and left. When she passed one of her colleagues, Kakashi's ears could hear her growl, "They're on a date."

"Damn…" Her colleague sighed. "It's always the hot ones."

"Damn indeed." The waitress went further towards the reception desk.

Iruka sniggered softly.

--

"Wow, this was delicious", Iruka sighed. "Yours too?"

"Yes." Kakashi smiled at him. He felt so much better now, sitting at their new table with his back towards a corner and no window near. Granted, there was still the open room behind Iruka's back, but with the guests all seated and eating and only the waiters moving around, it was easy to make out any danger. And in that case he would just grab Iruka's ankles and drag him under the table and then defend him an-

"Would you like your desserts now?", a young waiter asked and took away their empty plates.

"Yes, thank you", Iruka answered while Kakashi only glared at the man who had somehow swapped places with the waitress from before and was now staring at Iruka, at _his date_ Iruka all the time.

"Don't be so grumpy", the Chuunin laughed softly, reached over the table and took his hand gently. "You'll get apple pancakes now."

Kakashi couldn't help but smile at that. "Okay…"

"Your desserts, Sirs." The waiter placed a plate with a white, foamy mousse in front of Iruka and one with three small pancakes in front of Kakashi.

"They're small", the Copy-nin observed, frowning. "And what's that white and red… stuff?"

"That's powdered sugar and I guess that's raspberry or maybe strawberry purée", Iruka told him softly. "And I'm sure that they'll be big enough, seeing how big your steak was."

"Hrm." Kakashi eyed his dessert more closely. Apple pancakes could never be big enough. "And what's there in them?"

"Where?" Iruka craned his head. "Oh, that's the apples. They're in slices in the dough."

"Why?" Kakashi frowned. "They're never like that in your apple pancakes."

"Because I grate the apples and mix them with the dough." Iruka chuckled. "But there's no rule that it has to be done like that."

"Are you sure?" There probably should be.

"Just try them." The Chuunin laughed softly. "I'm sure you'll like them."

"If you say so…" Still doubtful about those… rather suspicious things that pretended to be apple pancakes, Kakashi took his small probably-for-dessert fork and carefully separated a small piece of one of the pancakes, impaled it and eyed it closely.

"It won't explode", Iruka promised while he took a small spoonful of his mousse. "Mmmh…", he sighed. "This is delicious…"

A little more convinced that the pancakes could indeed taste good, Kakashi quickly pulled down his mask, shoved the small piece into his mouth and pulled the mask up again, then started chewing carefully and-

"Blergh!" He jumped up from his chair, barely restrained himself from yanking down his mask and spitting that disgusting piece of food out and instead swallowed quickly.

"Kakashi!" Iruka stared at him wide-eyed, just as every other person in the restaurant. "What's wrong?!"

"They're disgusting!" Kakashi shook his head, wishing he could drink something to get the remaining taste out of his mouth.

"They can't be." Iruka reached out over the table, took the Jounin's fork and used it to take another small piece of pancake.

"Don't eat that!" Kakashi grabbed his wrist before the Chuunin could move the fork to his mouth. Iruka shouldn't eat something like this!

"Sir." An important-looking man they'd seen at the reception desk before came towards them. "Sir, please tell me what is wrong."

"The pancakes!" Kakashi whirled around to glare at him. "They're disgusting!"

"Kakashi." Iruka gently took his hand. "They're not. They taste very good."

"You ate from them?!" The Jounin stared at his boyfriend. "You shouldn't have!"

"But Kakashi." Iruka tugged at his arm until the enraged Copy-nin sat down again. "Kakashi, there's nothing wrong with them."

"There is!"

"What is it then?", Iruka sighed.

"They… they…" Kakashi growled. "The apples aren't grated and there's too much sugar in them and they're not brown enough and they're too firm and what's with that powdered sugar and that raspberry mush anyway?" All grave sins against the wonderful thing that was apple pancakes.

"But that's not making them disgusting", Iruka sighed.

"It does." Kakashi glared up at the receptionist still standing beside their table. "You should let Iruka show you how to make good apple pancakes", he growled.

"Kakashi…" Iruka stared at him in what seemed to be disbelief.

"Because Iruka's apple pancakes are best", the Jounin continued to give the restaurant in general a piece of his mind. "Only he knows how to make them good." He just _knew_ that.

"Oh, Kakashi…" Iruka gently stroked over his hand. "I love you so much, you wonderful, sweet idiot."

"Huh?" The Jounin turned towards him, absent-mindedly hearing something that sounded like an 'Awww…' in the restaurant.

"Kakashi." Iruka smiled at him softly. "These pancakes aren't bad, they're just different from how I make them."

"But they're bad", Kakashi insisted. "Yours are good. Only yours."

"You only like them better. That doesn't mean that other pancakes are bad."

"It does for me…" Kakashi pouted a little. But only a little little.

"I know that." Iruka leaned over the table and gave his masked lips a small kiss. "I love you."

"What are they 'awww'-ing at?", Kakashi murmured when it happened again.

"At you." Iruka chuckled, then turned to the receptionist still standing next to their table. "We're terribly sorry for this. I'm sure Kakashi didn't mean to make a scene, he's just… very picky when it comes to apple pancakes."

"Please don't worry about this." The man shook his head. "But I guess we have to tell the kitchen to grate the apples from now on. If this… incident becomes known, many guests will want 'Iruka's pancakes'." He smiled.

"But they won't get them", Kakashi grumped. "Iruka makes them only for me." And again an collective 'Awww…' What was wrong with those people?

"We can at least try to be almost as good as you, Iruka-san." The receptionist winked at the Chuunin. "To be honest, I prefer the apples grated, too."

"Ha, there you see it." Kakashi pouted. "And what's with all that 'Awww…'?!"

--

"Thank you very much for taking me out. I had a wonderful time tonight", Iruka whispered softly when they arrived in front of the Chuunin's apartment door.

"Even with me misbehaving at the restaurant?", Kakashi asked doubtfully.

"Are you kidding?" Iruka laughed. "That was _best._ And now everybody will hear that my boyfriend took me out to the best restaurant in town and even that I make the best apple pancakes ever."

"But only for me…" Kakashi pouted.

"Only for you." Iruka opened his arms and embraced him. "You may kiss me goodnight now."

"Outside?" The Jounin frowned. "Why not inside?" He knew that Iruka liked being kissed goodnight right before he went to sleep. And that was nice. It was always kiss-sigh-smile-cuddling. Nice.

"Oh, but normally, after a date the person who's asked the other person out takes them home, then kisses them goodnight and then goes to their own apartment." Iruka smirked at him.

"They leave?!", Kakashi gasped, let go of the Chuunin and hastily took out his list. "Do I have to leave?! I don't want to leave. Nobody told me I had to leave." Wait… wait… asking out, then compliments, then taking to the restaurant, ordering, chatting, eating, drinking, walking home, kissi-

"You don't really have a list there, do you?", Iruka sighed softly and took it away. "Oh, please, you've got to be kidding me, _Copy-nin._"

"I… but I…" Unsure what to do, Kakashi started fidgeting on his place. "Do I have to leave?", he asked softly.

"You forgot to make me compliments before we left…" Iruka eyed the list.

"I told you that you look good." Kakashi bit his lower lip. "And you do…"

"Thank you." Iruka shook his head. "I guess I should have expected this… Did Genma, Anko and Raidou tell you what to do?"

"Yes?"

"Didn't they tell you what usually comes after the kiss?"

"No?"

"Did you really think that those three are the best persons to give you dating advice?"

"I… Yes?" He hadn't wanted to ask Gai once again, really.

"Did you- Ah, whatever." Iruka laughed softly, shook his head and carefully put the list into one of his pockets. "I'll frame this and hang it up in my bedroom, that's for sure. Kiss me now?"

"Do I have to leave if I do it?", Kakashi asked carefully.

"And ruin this perfect date?" Iruka laughed again. "You can kiss me goodnight now, then come inside and kiss me goodnight once again."

"And I can stay?" Kakashi embraced his boyfriend.

"I want you to stay", Iruka whispered. "And I want to make apple pancakes for your breakfast tomorrow."

Kakashi immediately kissed him. Hey, dates weren't that bad, really…

-- -- --

"I heard about your… date yesterday." Genma grinned like a lunatic. "Did you get a kiss despite being an idiot?"

"M-hm…" Kakashi nodded absent-mindedly, his uncovered eye fixated on Iruka teaching his children how to throw kunai on the schoolyard. He knew that the Chuunin was perfectly able to evade and dodge every single one of them, but… Well, just in case.

"How…" Raidou appeared beside the Copy-nin. "Did really somebody at the restaurant notice that you are… a couple?", he asked slowly.

"Everybody." Kakashi smiled softly. "Iruka said that he loves me in front of everybody and then he kissed me." And that infuriating waiter had stopped staring at him then, ha!

"He really did?", Raidou breathed and Kakashi could feel Genma freeze beside him. "How did they react?"

"They 'awww'-ed." The Copy-nin frowned. "What's that supposed to mean anyway?"

"They 'awww'-ed?", Raidou whispered.

"M-hm." Hm? Now Genma was suddenly slumping against a tree and sighing? What was going on?

"Oh." Raidou bit his lower lip. "And… the food?"

"Don't eat the apple pancakes."

Genma laughed softly. "Hey, Rai. Wanna go out with me?"

"I…" Raidou fidgeted. "M… maybe…"

"Will you say that you love me in front of everybody, too?" Genma grinned.

"Genma!" Raidou blushed deepest crimson. "You're such a jerk!"

"That's almost just as good." The Special Jounin laughed.

"Don't eat the apple pancakes", Kakashi reminded them, then almost bolted when a kunai came rather close to Iruka's arm. But the Chuunin dodged it gracefully in the last moment. Phew…

"-aste them?"

"Hm?" Kakashi blinked. "What did you say?"

Genma sighed heavily. "I asked whether you would share Iruka's pancakes with us to let us taste the-"

"No!" Kakashi whipped his head around to glare at him. "Mine!"

"Just asking!", Genma squeaked hastily.

"Don't ask again", Kakashi growled and looked back at Iruka. _His_ Iruka. And _his_ his Iruka's apple pancakes.

-- -- --

"Oh." Iruka frowned down at the scroll in his hands. "This is… unexpected."

"Hm?" Kakashi looked up at him.

"I have a mission", the Chuunin told him.

Kakashi immediately felt his muscles tense. "A mission?"

"M-hm." Iruka shrugged. "C-rank. Have to take an exchange student back to her hometown."

"Why you?" The Jounin did his best to keep his voice calm.

"She's been in my class." Iruka sighed. "And she's a little… clingy, sort of. Tsunade thinks it's better not to let a stranger take her home."

"I didn't know you do missions." He'd thought that Iruka would stay in the village. Always. Safe and sound in the village.

"I normally don't, at least not outside the holidays." Iruka shrugged. "But this shouldn't be difficult. It's only a week, maybe eight days, and it's only a C."

"I don't like that", Kakashi murmured.

"Hey", Iruka growled. "Do you think I can't do a C?"

"No!" Kakashi hastily shook his head. "I just… I just don't want you to leave the village." He bit his lower lip under his mask. "Leave me…"

"Kakashi…" Iruka sighed. "Don't worry, okay? I'll be back before you even miss me."

Somehow, he highly doubted that.

--

"Okay, that's it!" Tsunade growled. "You'll get a mission now!"

"But I-"

"You're driving me nuts, Hatake! Do you have to come into my office and ask whether there's any news of Iruka-sensei every freaking hour? He's been gone for less than half a day!"

"But I-"

"Mission!" The Sannin threw a scroll at him. "There. Six days at least. And there." Another scroll. "Four days. Iruka-sensei will be back until then!"

"But I… Okay…"

-- -- --

"Iruka?" Kakashi frowned. "Iruka?" But again no answer. But it was Sunday. And Iruka should be back from his mission already. And in his apartment then. And he'd so been looking forward to seeing him. And-

The Jounin felt his whole body tense when his senses picked up something that wasn't supposed to be there. Immediately, he formed the signs for a summoning jutsu.

"Tell me who's been here", he ordered briskly.

"Why, hello to you, too, boss", Pakkun grumped. "How's your boyfr-"

"Tell me who's been here!", Kakashi half-shouted. "In the last week."

"Alright, alright." Pakkun closed his eyes and sniffed. "Your feisty boyfriend hasn't been here for at least… ten, eleven days, I'd say." He sniffed again. "Your alpha-woman's been here, that Tsunade. Yesterday, I'd say, or the day before."

Kakashi was running towards the Hokage Tower faster than ever.

--

He caught Shizune completely by surprise when he jumped through the window of the Hokage's office, making her jump, yelp and drop all the papers she had been carrying except one.

"Where's Tsunade?!", he demanded. "Where's Iruka?!"

"Ka… Kakashi-san", the assistant stammered, eyes wide open.

"Where's _Iruka?!_", the Copy-nin yelled.

"He… he…" Shizune's eyes darted to the sheets of paper on the floor.

Kakashi followed her gaze, noticed his boyfriend's name on one of it and grabbed it immediately, recognising it as an ANBU report. His body felt ice-cold suddenly.

'_We __(Konoha ANBU Squad 8 – Hawk, Rat, Cat and Hare) found Konoha Chuunin Umino Iruka on our way back from a classified mission, about four days out of Konoha at civilian speed'_, the report read. _'He was hiding out in some bushes with the civilian Hana Ciara, nine years old. Umino had his body curled around the girl, shielding her. She was unharmed but showed signs of a shock. Umino was bleeding heavily from a wound in his chest and several others. He was unconscious, therefore not able to mask his chakra, which is the reason why we were able to find him. Hana Ciara informed us that they had been attacked one day ago while on their way to her hometown. Umino had managed to dispose of the attackers – she couldn't say whether it had been three or four but could remember them wearing hitai-ate of missing nin of Mist – but got injured severely. The corpses should be lying somewhere in the forest still. Hana Ciara informed us that Umino had suffered from fever, sudden occurring phases of blindness, numbness of limbs and nausea ever since being injured. Therefore it is likely that he got poisoned. Antidotes for the mostly used poisons were given but the exact kind of poison was unknown. Umino was in overall critical condition. Hawk and Rat took him back to Konoha while Cat and Hare were sent to bring Hana Ciara to her hometown safel-'_

The paper slipped from Kakashi's trembling fingers right before his legs gave in under him and he crashed to the floor. Suddenly unable to breathe, he felt his whole body shake and shudder.

"Kakashi-san…" Shizune's voice sounded to him as if through cloth.

"Iruka…", he choked out, pain wracking his body from within. "Iruka…" Iruka had left him. Like everybody else always had. Iruka was gone. He would never again feel him be gentle, never again see him smile, never aga-

"He's in the hospital, Kakashi-san", Shizune told him softly. "Tsunade-sama was able to save his life."

"Iruka…" Kakashi blinked and lifted his head weakly. "He's… alive?"

"Yes, Kakashi-san." The young medic smiled softly. "He's in the hospital and Tsunade-sama is taking care of him. His condition is stable."

If he had run before, Kakashi was flying now.

--

"Where is he?", Kakashi demanded the moment he entered the hospital and saw Tsunade stand in the hall.

"Kakashi, calm down. He's-"

"Where is he?!"

"Kakashi, you need to calm down before I let you see him", Tsunade said sternly. "He's in no condition to endure stress."

"But I need to see him", Kakashi insisted, feeling his body tremble. "I need… I…" He needed to make sure that Iruka was alive. He needed to see it with his own eyes, needed to hear the Chuunin's heart beat and to feel the warmth of his skin. He needed Iruka.

"I know that." Tsunade sighed and smiled sympathetically. "I will take you to see him. But you have to promise not to upset him."

"I won't", Kakashi whispered. "Please. I need to see him."

"Room 214. I will-"

Kakashi didn't hear more of what the Sannin said. He just ran towards the staircases, taking two stairs at a time, then down a hallway until he finally stood in front of the door separating him from Iruka. He grabbed the doorknob, twisted it and yanked the door open before he hurried into the room. When he saw Iruka lie on the only bed in the small room, he froze completely on the spot.

The Chuunin was pale under the white blanket that covered his body up to his shoulders, and there were bandages visible on his chest and neck and small cuts on his forehead and cheeks. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be sleeping, his gentle face marred with a frown and his hands clenching and unclenching slowly.

Kakashi fell to his knees in relief at seeing Iruka alive and breathing. He could feel his whole body shake violently and heard his breath come in harsh, painful gasps. But it didn't matter, nothing did matter, because Iruka was still with him, because he wouldn't be alone again. And that was all that mattered.

After what felt like an eternity, Kakashi found the strength to get up from the floor again, closed the door softly and approached the bed. He carefully avoided any sound when he dragged a chair closer to the bed and sat down, then he just looked at Iruka. The Chuunin's chest rose and fell in a regular motion and his breathing was even. But there was still the frown on his face as if he was having a nightmare.

"Iruka", Kakashi whispered softly and carefully took one of the Chuunin's hands, not wanting to wake but needing to feel him. "Everything's fine. I'm with you now."

The frown didn't disappear, but Iruka closed his fingers around the Copy-nin's in his sleep.

"Everything's fine", Kakashi repeated softly. "I will protect you now, I promise, Iruka." He leaned forward and placed a featherlike kiss on the Chuunin's lips, just like Iruka had done with him when they had said goodbye. "I'm here, Iruka."

"Mmmh… Ka… shi?", Iruka whispered without opening his eyes.

"I'm here. Don't worry and go back to sleep."

"The… girl…"

"She's fine, don't worry, Iruka." Kakashi kissed him once again. "You protected her."

"Good… Ka… kashi…" Finally the frown vanished and the Chuunin smiled softly.

"Iruka", Kakashi whispered back, swallowing hard. Iruka was alright, he was alive and safe now. But suddenly a realisation came and almost suffocated him. How close it had been, how close he had been to losing Iruka. To being alone again. To never being able to become human and love Iruka. To never achieving what he wanted more than anything else.

"I… I was so afraid", he whispered. "When I found out that you were injured. I felt so cold, Iruka, I was so afraid that I could lose you."

"Me too…"

"Don't ever leave me", Kakashi pleaded desperately although he knew that Iruka couldn't give him that promise.

"Never willingly." Iruka tried to open his eyes, his eyelids fluttering.

"Don't overstrain yourself", Kakashi whispered.

"Want to… see you…" Iruka smiled. "Always want that…"

Kakashi swallowed again, his uncovered eye fixated on the Chuunin's. He also wanted to look at Iruka, just look at him. And he wanted to hold his hand like he did now for as long as he was allowed to, and feel his warmth and smell the scent of his skin. He wanted to have Iruka by his side forever, wanted to have the Chuunin close to him and all to himself. He would never let go of Iruka ever again, would never allow anybody to hurt him again, to touch him, to speak to him or to look at him. He knew he was being ridiculous to want that, that it wasn't possible to this amount, but right now Iruka was his, only his, and so he couldn't care less about such trivial things as impossibility.

He carefully tightened his grip on Iruka's hand and felt his heartbeat speed up when the Chuunin's eyes finally opened slowly. He longed to see those gentle, caring eyes look at him, only at him, with all the love that he needed to see.

"Kakashi…", Iruka whispered when his still hazy eyes had opened and were slowly focusing on the Jounin. "Kakashi, I-" He broke off suddenly and his eyes opened wide.

"Iruka", Kakashi gasped. "Are you in pain? Do your wounds hurt?"

"You… you…" The Chuunin's eyes widened even more. "Do you…"

"What did I do?", Kakashi asked, almost panicking, and immediately let go of his hand. "Did I grip too hard? Did I hurt you?"

"Kakashi… Kakashi, you…"

"Please", the Jounin pleaded desperately. "Please tell me what I did. I'm so sorry, Iruka. Please, I don't know what I did wrong. Iruka, please, tell me."

"Tell… you?" The Chuunin looked at him for a moment longer, then sighed softly and smiled. "You didn't do anything wrong", he whispered.

"But what happened to you? Did I hurt you?"

"Kakashi, you… you didn't do anything wrong. My… my wound hurt."

"Oh. I will call Tsunade-sama and tell her."

"No." Iruka slowly lifted his hand, his face showing how much it strained him to do it, and placed it on the Jounin's. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Iruka slowly closed his eyes. "Just stay here…"

"I won't go anywhere", Kakashi promised, feeling as if the lack of Iruka's gentle eyes on him was taking away his warmth. He carefully tightened his hold on the Chuunin's hand, but it wasn't enough.

"Stay…", Iruka whispered softly.

"I will." Kakashi leaned his face forward to the Chuunin's, desperate to feel more of his warmth. But it wasn't enough still, wasn't enough just to look at him and hold his hand. He needed more, more of Iruka, more of his warmth.

Very slowly, Kakashi leaned forward even more and placed a soft kiss on the Chuunin's lips. But it still wasn't enough.

"Mmh…", Iruka sighed.

It still wasn't enough to satisfy the craving he felt inside himself. He needed to feel more of Iruka, so much more, but he couldn't. Iruka's whole body was covered, there were only his hands and his face, and still it wasn't enough to touch them. Kakashi needed to feel more.

And so, although his hands were trembling and his heart was pounding, he slowly pulled down his mask and pressed his lips on Iruka's.

Kakashi's eyes widened. This… this was… Kissing Iruka without his mask hindering the contact was better than anything he had ever felt. It was warm and soft and felt so alive and… perfect. And he could feel his lips, sensitive from being covered most of the time, tingle and prickle when they touched Iruka's.

"Kakashi…", he heard the Chuunin breathe out when he broke the contact to disbelievingly touch his lips with his fingertips. "Kakash-"

Kakashi silenced him with another kiss, not able to resist when he saw Iruka's lips purse while they formed the last syllable of his name. And again it was perfect and wonderful and warm-soft-alive-alive-_alive_, and he yearned for more, so, so much more.

"Iruka", he whispered against the Chuunin's lips, "Iruka, Iruka, Iruka."

"Kakashi", Iruka whispered back, his breath ghosting over the Copy-nin's face like the softest of caresses.

"I'm so stupid", Kakashi murmured. "So stupid. Why didn't I do this sooner?"

Iruka smiled against his lips. "Now's perfect. Kakashi?"

"M-hm?" He kissed him once again. Perfect.

"If I opened my eyes now… would I see your mask?" Iruka's voice was low and gentle, just asking, not demanding.

"Oh. I…" Kakashi closed his eyes. "Probably", he whispered. Kissing Iruka was one thing, was good and warm and… and everything he wanted now, but being looked at… Being looked at would mean to show Iruka his failures, his shame and his guilt. He didn't think he could do that.

"Okay." Iruka smiled again, Kakashi could feel it on his lips. "And if I kept my eyes closed, would you kiss me again?"

"Yes. I want that." Kakashi opened his eyes and saw that the Chuunin's were still closed, and the trust Iruka showed with this made him feel so warm that it made his head spin.

"'s good." Iruka's smile got softer and he yawned. "Don't think I could really open them anyway…"

"Thank you", Kakashi whispered and kissed him until he could hear his breathing change to the low, steady rhythm of a sleeping.

-- -- -- -- --

tbc

* * *

Nayru


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: T for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 8 of 15(?)

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

**AN:**

Erm… Hi? You won't believe it but I'm still writing. And I still plan to finish this story, I promise. My job kept me from working on it though and other things kept me occupied, too, so it took rather long for this chapter to get finished. That and I had to rewrite it a couple of times because I didn't manage to capture the mood I wanted. But I got it now, I think. It was hard to write because I didn't want it to become too dark, and that's why Pakkun's got a short appearance with Bull. But I don't want to spoil anything.

I really, really hope that you'll like it and please don't be angry or disappointed if the next chapter should come late, too. I really try, I promise.

Nayru

.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter 8__ – You couldn't see it anyway._

He'd never before noticed how good Iruka smelled. Kakashi took another deep breath, his face buried in the sleeping Chuunin's neck and hair. Like… like something sweet and something tangy at the same time. And due to his mask, he hadn't noticed it this clearly before, not even on the pillow covers he'd lent from him. But now… now he wanted to smell it whenever he could. Whenever and wherever and-

"You're purring", Pakkun brutally interrupted his blissful musing.

"You were snoring right now", Kakashi deadpanned back, glaring at his dog lying on Iruka's stomach. Pakkun could really call himself lucky that he even allowed him to take up space near his boyfriend.

"But I wasn't purring." The pug made a face. "_Purring._"

"Whatever." Kakashi snuggled his face back into the wonderful, soft, perfectly smelling hair. Mrrrrrh…

----- ----- -----

"Your test results, Iruka-sensei." Tsunade entered the room, making Kakashi hastily pull his mask back over his face and his lips away from Iruka's. "My, my… I didn't interrupt you, I hope?" The Sannin leered.

"Not at all", Iruka murmured and opened his eyes, smiling softly. "Am I alright?"

"You are." Tsunade nodded. "The poison's completely out of your system again."

"Good to hear." Iruka smiled more.

"Can I take him with me now?", Kakashi asked hopefully. He didn't like hospitals. Hospitals meant smell of disinfectants and wounds, and the ever-present air of death.

"You can." The Sannin suddenly grinned and winked. "Oh, and just so you know: He's completely clean."

"You already said that", Kakashi reminded her. "No poison anymore." She had to be getting old, really…

"No, I mean _clean._" Tsunade's grin grew even more lecherous. "We made a complete checkup."

"Yes, for poison." Kakashi frowned deeply. What was she talking about?

"Tsunade-sama is talking about… diseases", Iruka murmured.

"Oh. That's good." The Jounin smiled but then frowned again. "Why is your face so red? Are you too warm? Do you want me to open the window?"

"No, I… Kakashi, I mean…" Iruka sighed, growing even redder. "Kakashi, Tsunade-sama is talking about _diseases._"

"Yes?" He'd grasped that so far.

"Diseases we could infect each other with if we… come close."

"Come close?" Kakashi thought about that, then understood. Iruka meant while kissing each other without the mask now and didn't want to say it out loud in front of Tsunade, Lady Gossip that she was. "I understand."

"Thank god…", Tsunade murmured.

"I think I should get tested, too", Kakashi decided. What if he had the flu or something and didn't know it and then infected Iruka?

"You think you have something?", Iruka asked softly, looking somehow… disappointed? Sad? Worried maybe?

"Don't think so." Kakashi smiled reassuringly, very happy that the Chuunin cared so much about him being fine. "Just to be sure." And to make sure that he could keep kissing Iruka without his mask.

"Oh." Iruka smiled brightly. "That's good."

----- ----- -----

"Kakashi?", Iruka asked softly.

"M-hm?" He kissed him. The good way. The without-mask-way. Iruka had closed his eyes when he'd asked to be kissed and not opened them again since then.

"Could I maybe get up?"

"Mmmmh… No." Another kiss.

"But I really would like to get up." A smile was audible in the Chuunin's voice and Kakashi could feel it against his lips.

"Tsunade-sama said you shouldn't move." Kiss.

"She said I shouldn't move _much_", Iruka corrected.

"Getting up is too much." Kiss, kiss, kiiiiiss.

"But I really want to get up."

"No." Kiss. And a nuzzle. Nice.

"Kakashiiii…"

"No." He kissed him once again and tightened his hold around his waist. He would _so_ not let him get up, no way. Now that he had the Chuunin back in his apartment and knew how good it was to lie in bed with Iruka and kiss him, he would probably refuse to get up ever again.

"Kakashi, I want to take a shower."

He sniffed. "Not necessary yet." And then he kissed him once again.

Iruka laughed. "But it's necessary that I use the toilet soon."

"Mrmph." Kakashi pouted.

"I promise I'll take a very quick shower."

"Very, very quick." He sighed. "But not too quick." He gently stroked over the Chuunin's still bandaged chest. "Don't tear your stitches."

"I'll be careful." Iruka nuzzled his nose against the Jounin's blindly. "What about you make some lunch while I'm in the bathroom? Or should I say 'dinner' already?"

"Lunch still. But I'm not very good at cooking", Kakashi murmured while he slowly pulled up his mask. Then he pulled it down and kissed Iruka once again before he reluctantly pulled it over his face. He kissed Iruka with his lips covered to indicate that he could open his eyes.

"I'm sure you can make something I'll like." Iruka slowly opened his eyes and smiled. "I'm not very picky."

"I can make rice", Kakashi offered. Rice was good shinobi food – easy to make and to transport, nutritious, filling. He was good at cooking rice. Nobody could beat him at that, to be precise.

"With chicken? There should be some in the freezer."

"I can do that." Chicken was easy.

"That would be nice." Iruka nuzzled his face into the Jounin's clothed neck. "And I can make apple pancakes for dessert if you want."

"Better not", Kakashi decided sadly. "You should better rest." He would have liked apple pancakes very, very much, but it was more important that Iruka got much rest. Poor him.

"You give away a chance to get apple pancakes?", Iruka asked incredulously and grinned. "Wow… I feel really special now."

"You are special", Kakashi said softly.

"Kakashi…" Iruka blushed a little, much to the Jounin's delight.

"Very special." Kakashi tenderly nuzzled his ear.

-----

"That's good", Iruka mumbled with his mouth full of rice. "You're a good cook." He grinned. "But I like you even more as my nurse, you know."

"Then why do you refuse to go back to bed?", Kakashi asked grumpily. Table was bad. Bed was nice. Iruka in bed and kissing him was very nice.

"I can't lie in bed anymore. I have to sit and walk a little." Iruka grinned. "My butt was so numb. But I'll go back into bed after we've finished eating, I promise."

"Alright." Kakashi nodded, satisfied with that, then waited until the Chuunin was looking down at his food to pull down his mask, wolf down half of his rice and pull the cloth back in place, chewing. When he looked at Iruka again, he noticed that he hadn't even moved his head the slightest.

Iruka wanted to see his face, Kakashi knew that. But, unlike everybody else the Copy-nin knew, he hadn't tried to sneak a peek once, even though there had been plenty of opportunities. He doubted that Iruka would have succeeded, but he hadn't even tried. And then his question in the hospital. Iruka had only asked, not pleaded or demanded. Only asked if he would show him his face. And then he had not been reproachful or angry when he had denied. He had just accepted it.

Kakashi had never experienced something like this ever before. Everybody he knew had tried to take a look at his face at one moment or the other. Everybody had tried to trick him in some way or to surprise him or to accomplish it by force. Nobody had ever asked if he was alright with showing his face and at the same time been willing to accept any decision. Nobody had ever cared what he felt about showing his face.

Only Iruka. Only Iruka was accepting, caring, loving even, and never reproachful or demanding. Maybe… maybe he could even be understanding? Could even see his failures and then not be disgusted of him, not despise him for them?

Kakashi shook his head. That was impossible. Not even somebody as gentle, as caring, as… good as Iruka would be able to not despise him for what he'd done wrong in his life. And there was also his heritage. Iruka would be remembered of it and then despise him even more if he ever saw his face. And then he wouldn't want to see it ever again and would leave him, and he would be alone again and never become human and-

"Hey."

"Hm?" He looked up at Iruka smiling at him.

"Whatever you're thinking about, stop looking so defeated", Iruka said gently. "Please smile for me."

"You couldn't see it anyway", Kakashi murmured. And he couldn't show him.

"I can." Iruka reached out with his hand and placed his index finger on his right cheek. "Whenever you smile, I can see your lips move under your mask." He trailed his fingertip over them and back. "And I can see it in your eye, too." The finger travelled to the Jounin's temple. "I can see little crinkles when you smile here. And I always can hardly restrain myself from kissing them."

"I didn't know that", Kakashi whispered. He couldn't remember ever seeing himself smile, not even on photographs with his former team-mates. Maybe he had done it while he'd had his own Genin-team, but that was gone now and he couldn't bring himself to look at the pictures long enough to make out his expression. He only ever looked at Naruto and Sakura, at the only two students he hadn't failed completely.

"I love it when you smile", Iruka told him gently, shaking him out of his memories.

"Really?"

"Yes. It makes me happy to see you happy, Kakashi. Because I love you." Iruka smiled at him softly, then took back his hand and turned his attention towards his food again.

Kakashi stared down at the rest of his rice. Iruka was always so understanding, so warm and gentle. He knew that if anybody could still love him despite having seen his face, then it would be Iruka, but… but how likely was that? Wasn't it much likelier that Iruka would leave him? And could he take the risk that that happened?

No, he couldn't, Kakashi knew that. He couldn't risk to lose Iruka. But maybe he had to. Maybe he had to take the risk, for the sake of the Chuunin. Iruka didn't know what he was getting himself into, wanting to be with someone like him. Iruka didn't know about what he'd done, about what failures he'd made. And Iruka had the right to know it, even if it meant that he would risk to lose him.

He just didn't know if he could just tell Iruka to look up and then pull down his mask. Because that… because that would mean to willingly take the risk, to run into his loss with his eyes wide open. And he didn't know if he was strong enough to do that.

Kakashi looked up and watched the Chuunin in front of him eat his lunch without looking up. Iruka completely kept his eyes on his plate, even when he reached out and took his glass of water to take a sip. He wouldn't look up until after he would have finished his food, knowing that Kakashi would have finished long before him. He would even tap with his finger onto the table once to warn him.

Kakashi watched him for a long time, then made a decision. He wouldn't show his face to Iruka. He would just let him see it.

Looking back down on his own food, he felt his heart pound painfully in his chest while he pulled down his mask again. With trembling fingers he took his chopsticks, then started to slowly eat his rice in small bites, not tasting any of it. Like this, Iruka would be finished before him, then look up and then see him. And then he would see that he had been wrong to ever only think about loving him. And then ask him to leave. And he would be able to tell himself that it hadn't been because of his face, just because the Chuunin had changed his mind suddenly, and it wouldn't hurt so much. Or so he hoped at least.

Kakashi closed his eyes when he saw that Iruka laid down his chopsticks. He swallowed hard and steeled himself for the rejection when he heard the tap of a fingertip on the wood of the table.

"Kakashi?", he heard the Chuunin's soft voice.

"Y-yes?" It wouldn't take long anymore, and then everything would be over. And then he would become a machine again, and then fade away eventually. But at least Iruka would be able to find someone better and be happy.

"I don't know why you decided to let me see your face just now", Iruka told him, "but I can tell that you don't want me to look at you."

"Wh-what?", Kakashi choked out.

"I can tell that your hands are shaking because I can hear your chopsticks clink against your plate." One of the Chuunin's hands came in sight and took Kakashi's holding the sticks. "Please don't do this. Please don't force yourself."

"But…" He swallowed hard. "But I-"

"Shh", Iruka silenced him softly. "Look at me."

Kakashi took a deep breath and slowly lifted his head. He didn't want this. He didn't want Iruka to reject him. He wanted to pull his mask back in place and pretend that nothing had ever happened. He wanted-

He gasped in surprise when he saw that Iruka's eyes were closed.

"I won't look at you", the Chuunin told him. "Not if you don't want me to."

Kakashi felt his hands shake even more. "But you-"

"I want to see your face." Iruka smiled softly and got up from his chair, then leaned forwards over the table. "I would lie if I told you I wouldn't." He lifted his hand not holding the Copy-nin's and slowly, carefully felt for his face, placing it on his cheek. "But I want you to want to show me, do you understand? I want you to want me to see you, Kakashi." He tilted his head and kissed him sweetly.

"But I want you to", Kakashi forced out.

"I don't think so." Iruka smiled. "And I don't know why you're afraid of it, but I know that one day you will trust me enough to show me." And with that, he straightened up, turned around and walked into the bedroom.

Kakashi just sat there, unmoving, with shaking hands and another, a new pain in his chest. It was less fierce than fear and almost welcome. He wasn't sure, but maybe it was hope.

----- ----- -----

"Thank you", Kakashi shouted after the messenger, then closed the door to Iruka's apartment again. "Iruka, my test results are here. Tsunade says I'm completely fine and clean."

"Oh, that's good to hear." Iruka got up from the couch and slowly walked towards him. "Now I can be sure that you can play my nurse until I'm fine again."

"Right." Kakashi grinned, embraced him and gave him a masked kiss, eyeing the paper with the results over his shoulder. "She even tested for sexually transmitted diseases. She could have just asked and I would have told her there are none and- Iruka? Iruka, is everything alright? Why are you coughing so hard? Or are you laughing? Iruka?"

----- ----- -----

"Here's what you wanted, boss." Pakkun placed a small bag on the kitchen counter, his brother Bull a bigger one. "We even got the cherries for your boyfriend."

"Thank you." Kakashi looked them over. "You're dripping wet."

"Well…" Pakkun scowled at him. "It's pissing outside."

"Make sure you don't get sick, okay?", Iruka said softly, walking into the kitchen. "Thank you very much." He scratched Bull behind his left ear and the big bulldog barked happily.

"No prob. I never get sick." Pakkun shrugged, then sneezed.

----- ----- -----

"Hey." Kakashi gently tapped one of his fingers on Iruka's stomach. The Chuunin was sitting in front of him on the bed, leaning with his back against his chest. He liked to sit like this. He could hold Iruka close and even bury his face in the Chuunin's soft hair.

"Hm?" Iruka didn't open his eyes nor moved much, just turned his head on his shoulder to blindly nuzzle his nose against the Copy-nin's bare cheek. That was another reason why Kakashi liked to sit with him like this. He could leave his mask off and Iruka didn't have to have his eyes closed all the time.

"Are you happy to see your students tomorrow?"

"M-hm." Iruka sighed. "They're quite a handful, but I miss them still."

"Are you sure that you're fit enough already?"

"Of course. I had the best nurse in town." Iruka grinned. "I'll miss all this time for cuddling with you though."

"Mmh… Me too." Cuddling with Iruka was so, so good. And kissing was even better.

"And for kissing", Iruka seemed to read his thoughts, then shifted, eyes still closed, until he kneeled in front of the Jounin. "Kiss?"

"Mmmh… Please don't mind if I do", Kakashi chuckled. He placed one hand on his cheek and leaned forward to kiss him, but then stopped.

So much trust… Iruka always closed his eyes for him, to make him feel comfortable. He always trusted him and never asked for anything in return. He trusted completely, so completely. And he? He was afraid to give this trust back. He was afraid that Iruka would reject him. He was too afraid to even give Iruka a chance. He didn't deserve the trust he was given.

"Hey, what are you waiting for?", Iruka asked.

But he wanted to deserve this trust. He wanted to earn it for himself. He wanted Iruka to know that he was right to trust him. And he could only do that by trusting him. By trusting the Chuunin's love for him.

"Kakashi?"

"Iruka, please…" He took a deep breath. "Please open your eyes."

"Open…" Iruka gasped softly. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Kakashi nodded and removed his hitai-ate but kept his Sharingan eye closed. He wanted Iruka to see everything. He was sure, this time he was. He wanted to trust Iruka to still love him despite his failures marking him.

"Kakashi, you don't have to."

"I want. I want to show you." He knew now that he had to, that he could and that he wanted it. To earn himself Iruka's trust. To make himself worth it.

For a moment, Iruka seemed to hesitate, but then Kakashi could see how his eyelids started to slowly, carefully open, giving him enough time to back out again. But he wouldn't. This time he would trust completely.

When Iruka's eyes finally opened all the way, Kakashi held his breath. He could see how the Chuunin first took in all of his face, then moved his gaze to the vertical scar over his closed left eye, then to the one following the line of his jaw on the right side of his face until he finally took in the scar from his right nostril to the left side of his chin, splitting his lips.

While the seconds passed, Iruka just kept looking, his gaze moving from scars to nose, forehead, cheeks and back again, and Kakashi felt dread build inside himself, along with something even worse: the certainty that Iruka would reject him. He could see it in his eyes, the pain and the sadness there telling him that the Chuunin was just realising what a big mistake he'd made by choosing him. Now that Iruka saw what shame and guilt he was carrying with him, he also saw how very wrong he had been to give his trust and his love to someone like him.

And he had been so wrong, too. How could he ever even have dared to think that he could be loved? How could he have dared to think that anybody would want him? How could he have dared to try to forget his shame, his guilt, his failures?

So, when Iruka slowly lifted his right hand and reached out to touch the scar over his left eye, Kakashi leaned his head back.

"You don't want to touch that", he told the Chuunin bitterly. Nobody could want that, nobody could want him.

"I'm sorry", Iruka whispered.

"It's alright." Kakashi looked away, trying to hide that his world was crumbling. It wasn't Iruka's fault that he couldn't love him anymore.

"I'm so sorry that you had to endure so much pain." The Chuunin's voice was trembling. "I wish I could have helped you."

Kakashi's eye widened.

"I hate whoever did that to you", Iruka choked out. "Who made you want to hide yourself. I know it's stupid, but… I still hate them… so much…"

Kakashi turned around to look at him and felt his chest clench painfully when he noticed tears trailing down Iruka's cheeks. And Iruka was crying for him. For him! Because he had been hurt.

But he was wrong to do that.

"You don't understand", Kakashi whispered. "Iruka, look at me."

"I see you." Iruka smiled sadly and once again lifted his hand, and this time the Jounin didn't evade the touch. He traced the scar over his eye, Obito's scar, then the one on his lips where Rin's death was carved into his face, and finally his sensei's scar on his cheek. And then there was his face.

"You don't look", Kakashi told him bitterly. "Else you would see that you can't love me."

"Why do you say that?" More tears came to Iruka's eyes. "Why shouldn't I love you?"

"Because I am not worth you!", Kakashi shouted. "I don't deserve your trust, just like I didn't deserve theirs! Look at me, Iruka! Can't you see that it's _his_ face?!" There, now Iruka would understand. He would remember and then tell him what everybody else had always told him. That he had his face. That he looked just like him. That he was carrying his shame.

"Whose face?", Iruka asked softly. "Kakashi, I don't understand you."

"Can't you see?", the Jounin whispered, loathing himself for the broken edge in his voice. "That I look like him? That I have my father's face?" Hatake Sakumo. Hero. Legend. Idol. Coward. Failure. Shame.

"Why do you say that?", Iruka whispered. "And how should I know? I don't know him."

"You don't have to know him." Kakashi shook his head. "And don't try to tell me that you don't know what he did. Everybody knows." Everybody, everybody knew. They knew that Hatake Sakumo had willingly failed an important mission to safe himself and his comrades and then had committed suicide to flee from his shame and guilt. And everybody knew that a seven-years-old Kakashi had found him, lying in his blood with the blade still in his chest.

"I know what he did, Kakashi." Iruka stroked over his cheek, making him flinch. "But I don't understand why that should affect you."

"I'm his son", Kakashi spat out bitterly. "I'm his son."

"And that's it? He made a mistake and it's automatically also your fault because you're his son?" Iruka's voice was hard suddenly, hard and cold and angry.

"I look like him, exactly like him. You can't look at me without seeing his shame. My shame." And now Iruka was starting to understand finally, and he would soon tell him to leave with that hard voice, and never talk to him with any other again.

"I take it that it's Naruto's fault that he carries the Kyuubi then", Iruka said icily. "And that he's responsible for every life the Nine-tails took. Including my parents."

"I didn't say that." Why was Iruka talking like that now? Why wasn't he telling him to leave?

"You didn't? Where's the difference between that and what you said then?"

"Naruto didn't do anything. He was just a kid when Kyuubi attacked the village. He didn't decide to get the demon sealed into his body."

"And you did something, you pierced the blade into your father's chest. You weren't just a kid when he died. You decided to look like him and that he should abandon the mission. Do you want to tell me that?"

"That's not the same."

"Where's the difference? It's not Naruto's fault and it is not your fault either to be who you are."

"That's not the same!", Kakashi shouted. There was a difference, there… there had to be. Because Naruto was innocent, as innocent as a shinobi could be, whereas he… he…

"It's not your fault!"

"I'm his son!", Kakashi yelled. "I'm his son! Understand it finally, Iruka! I have his face and you can't love m-"

_Slap!_

He fell silent immediately when suddenly a sharp pain pierced through his left cheek.

"You know", Iruka told him calmly, "I'm starting to think that maybe it was wrong to fall in love with you."

Kakashi snorted. He'd known that from the beginning, had only been stupid enough to try to fool himself.

"I always thought you were a genius. That's not why I fell for you, but it's what I thought of you." Iruka crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I'm beginning to doubt that, too."

"Whatever." Kakashi moved to get off the bed and out, just away from his shattered hopes.

"I'm beginning to doubt that you're brave, too. I'm even beginning to doubt that you have the right to call yourself a shinobi."

Kakashi froze, half out of the door. "Stop it." He was shinobi, the perfect shinobi even. Because he wasn't human.

"Why should I?", Iruka asked coldly. "You're running away, so all I see in front of me is a pathetic, weak, stupid, cowa-" He broke off when Kakashi suddenly gripped his throat.

"Stop. It", he commanded. Being shinobi was all he had, now that he'd lost Iruka. He couldn't let that be taken from him, too. And Iruka could take it from him, simply because he was all that mattered.

"I thought… you were what I saw in you…", Iruka croaked nevertheless, still glaring. "I knew you were hurt in some… way, but I never thought you… would be stupid enough to… hurt yourself…"

"Stop it!", Kakashi yelled. "Stop it, Iruka!" He wasn't hurting himself, he wasn't. He was carrying the shame because he had to, because-

"You were a child", the Chuunin continued, the look in his eyes softening. "You couldn't stop… your father… or help him… It wasn't right to shun you… or blame you… for what he did… It wasn't… your fault…"

"Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it!" It was his fault, entirely his fault!

"It wasn't your… fault, Kakashi… I won't accept that… not even from you… and I won't stop-"

"Stopitstopitstopit!" Kakashi felt his grip tighten. Why didn't Iruka understand? Everybody else understood, they had understood even before he himself had, so why didn't Iruka? Why did he refuse to accept it?

"I won't… stop to… love you…", Iruka gasped, barely audible, while tears were falling from his eyes. "I wo… I… love you… Kakashi…"

"Stop it!" Kakashi shook his head, his whole body trembling. "Stop it. Stop it. Please…" It hurt, it hurt so much.

"Love you… Kakashi… please… let me… love you…"

"Stop it…", Kakashi pleaded and let go, his body suddenly losing all strength. "Please… please…" He curled into a ball and started to tremble violently, feeling something wet on his face. "Please…"

"Shh…" And then there were hands, soothingly stroking his back and hair, and warmth brought by them while he was freezing, and Iruka… Iruka was there, still there, and it hurt, hurt so much, and still felt so good, so safe, so warm.

He didn't know how long he had been lying there when he felt that he was lifted and then arms wrapping around him. And then Iruka was all around him, his warmth and his scent and his love, and he felt himself tremble even more and hurt and gasp until he was too exhausted to even do that.

"Shh…", Iruka whispered. "I'm here. I'll hold you, Kakashi."

"P-please…", the Jounin breathed out. "Please… it h-hurts…" All those years it had hurt so much, so very much, all those looks and those whispers. He had told himself that he wouldn't care but he'd been lying, and now it was too much, suddenly too much, because Iruka cared and that made it worse, so much worse and so much better at the same time and he didn't understand it.

"It will be better soon", Iruka promised. "Let it out now, Kakashi."

"I… I don't…" He took a gasping, painful breath. "Why did he leave me? I had only him and… I was so alone, so alone…" And he'd always admired his father, had always wanted to be like him, a perfect shinobi like him, and then suddenly everything had changed and he hadn't understood why everybody had hated him suddenly and-

"I'm with you now." Iruka kissed his temple. "You're not alone anymore."

"I don't want to be alone", Kakashi sobbed. "I didn't know what to do… Nobody was there for me… They all looked at me… and saw only him… and what he did… I didn't know what to do… I didn't know what… what I did wrong… why they hated me… I didn't know…"

"They were wrong to see him in you", Iruka whispered. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, Kakashi."

"I… I tried to save him… I tried… but he was so cold already… and I felt so cold… so cold… s-so cold…" And it had never left again, that coldness, it had stayed with and around and inside him and suffocated everything else until he had felt like ice and stone and steel and nothing else.

"Shh… I'll warm you." Iruka started to rock him gently.

"Don't… don't leave…", Kakashi pleaded desperately and turned in his arms to clutch the Chuunin to him with shaking hands. "Don't leave me." He didn't understand it, didn't understand anything anymore, it seemed, only that he needed Iruka, that he would break beyond repair if the Chuunin left him now.

"I won't, Kakashi."

"Don't leave me…" Like his father had left him, willingly left him and not thought about what he was doing to him with it and that he would give his son over to that coldness without any idea how to stop it or how to escape or how to become human again or-

"I won't leave you."

"You won't… leave me", Kakashi repeated, feeling the trembling lessen slowly.

"I won't leave you, Kakashi."

"No. You won't leave me." He took a deep breath, then another. "My face's wet", he whispered.

"You're crying", Iruka told him softly.

"I can't cry." He had forgotten how so long ago, had probably never known it. Obito's eye sometimes cried, but this felt different.

"You're crying, Kakashi." Iruka kissed his temple. "Humans cry when they're hurt. I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"You hurt me?", Kakashi asked weakly.

"By saying those things to you. By forcing you to remember. I'm sorry."

"M-mh." Kakashi shook his head. Iruka shouldn't be sorry, he didn't have to be. Iruka hadn't wanted to hurt him, he knew that for sure. Even if he didn't know anything anymore, he knew that.

"I had no right to do that only because I was angry at you", Iruka whispered. "I had no right to hurt you. I'm sorry."

"No." Kakashi shook his head harder. "No."

"Please forgive me", Iruka whispered still. "I love you."

"Forgive you", Kakashi whispered back although there was nothing to forgive. He shifted and pressed his face into the Chuunin's neck, trying to soothe himself by breathing in his calming scent.

"Thank you." Iruka stroked his cheek. "I love you. I love you more than I can tell you."

"Want that", Kakashi whispered. "Want to love you." He opened his right eye slowly but then caught sight of angry red marks on the skin of the Chuunin's neck, already turning purple, and suddenly hurt so much that he started shaking again.

"Hey…", Iruka murmured soothingly. "Everything's fine. I'm here, Kakashi."

"I hurt you", the Jounin choked out. "I hurt you." How could he have done that?! How could he have hurt Iruka?!

"But only because I hurt you. I don't blame you."

"I hurt you." Kakashi shook from despise at himself. "I hurt you, Iruka."

"They will vanish again", the Chuunin told him softly. "And I know you didn't do it intentionally."

"I didn't want that", Kakashi whispered. "I didn't want to hurt you, Iruka."

"I know." Iruka gently lifted his head up. "I know, Kakashi. I don't blame you." He tilted his head and kissed him sweetly.

"Do you still love me?", Kakashi asked. He didn't know what he would do if not, he didn't know how he would be able to live on or even only exist. Not after Iruka had decided to love him despite his past.

"Yes, I still love you." Iruka kissed him once again. "And I love your face. _Your_ face." He kissed each of his eyelids, his nose, cheeks, forehead and finally his lips. Then he pressed his lips on his scars, tracing them with featherlike kisses.

"Don't", Kakashi whispered. Iruka shouldn't touch them. They were remains of his failures, of the moments he'd failed to be worth the trust set into him.

"I also love your scars", Iruka whispered.

"Don't", Kakashi repeated. "They're… I let them down…"

"I can't not love your scars. They're a part of you." Iruka kissed his lips. "I already loved this one before I even saw it. I could feel it when you were kissing me."

"I couldn't save her", Kakashi whispered. "Don't want… to think about it…" He felt so weak, so exhausted now. He didn't want to think anymore. If Iruka was with him, then everything was good, and he didn't want to think about anything else than about Iruka.

"You don't have to." Iruka kissed him again. "Just know that I love you, your face and your scars regardless of how you got them." And then he carefully laid the unmoving Jounin down on the bed.

"Don't…" Kakashi weakly grabbed him by his shirt. "Don't leave…"

"I won't." Iruka lay down beside him and wrapped his arms around him. "I will stay here with you, Kakashi." And then he started humming the melody of the lullaby the Jounin had learned to like so much.

"With me…" Kakashi felt his eyes close, but it was alright. Iruka would stay.

----- ----- -----

.

tbc

.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.

Until next year then!

**Nayru**


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: T for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 9 of 15(?)

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

_Chapter 9__ – Air guitar?_

Kakashi woke when something right changed to something wrong. Without noticing what he was doing exactly, he rolled to his side and blindly reached out to grab Iruka around his waist and pull him back into the bed before he could stand up. And then everything was right again.

"I only wanted to get a glass of water", the Chuunin whispered. "I didn't intend to go away for long."

"Don't leave", Kakashi pleaded and tightened his hold.

"I won't leave." A gentle hand stroked over his cheek, making him flinch at the foreign touch on his bare skin.

He tried hard but couldn't stop the memories from coming back. And he felt naked, had never before felt so naked. Everything inside him was stripped bare to Iruka's eyes now, he would do anything Iruka would ask from him, tell him everything and do whatever he wanted. He was weak and powerless against the Chuunin, even if it would probably only last for a little while to this extend, but he was and still it felt right to him, and even safe. And that was frightening, even if it also felt good somehow, calming, right. He didn't understand all of this… this thing that was happening to him but still he didn't care. Because it was Iruka who was with him, Iruka who held him in his arms. He heard a little whimper escape his lips and dragged the Chuunin closer to his chest, trying to assure himself that he was there, still there, and wouldn't leave.

"It's fine", Iruka told him softly and stroked over his hair. "I won't go anywhere."

"Your students…", Kakashi murmured when he remembered that the Chuunin had been planning to go back to teaching that day. But he didn't want it, he didn't want to have to let go.

"They'll have to cope with a substitute for another day. I don't intend to go anywhere today."

"Thank you…" He slowly, hesitantly opened his right eye, then lifted his head to look at Iruka. He flinched once again when he saw that the bruises from his hand on the Chuunin's neck had an angry purple-black colour.

"I'm sure it looks worse than it feels", Iruka assured and smiled softly, but now that he was more awake, Kakashi could hear that his voice was hoarse and strained.

"I'm sorry." He closed his eyes in shame. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you."

"It's alright." Iruka kissed his forehead. "I've had worse."

"I didn't want to hurt you, Iruka. I never want to hurt you and-"

"I forgive you, Kakashi."

"But…" Kakashi shook his head. "But I hurt you. I didn't want that, I never wanted to hurt you. I know that you can't forgive me but-"

"Shh." The Chuunin placed a finger on his lips. "I'm not made of glass, Kakashi. I've been on eleven A-rank missions and countless B-, C- and D-ranks. I've even got a giant shuriken in my back once. What you did yesterday is something I can forgive you easily. Because you didn't intend to hurt me."

"I'm sorry", Kakashi whispered but finally allowed himself to believe that he indeed was forgiven. But still… "Did you cry?"

"Because of these?" Iruka smiled softly. "No."

"But…" He sighed sadly. "Don't I always make you cry? Like… like yesterday and when I thought I didn't want you to hug me and when I didn't understand that you loved me at first and when I didn't make that woman go away." And he'd done it again, he'd again hurt his Chuunin.

"It wasn't your fault, Kakashi", Iruka whispered tenderly. "And even if it was, I wouldn't mind to cry because I love you." He chuckled. "That's the reason why I cry even, and the reason why I don't mind, too. I love you and I care about you and that's why I sometimes cry when I think that you're hurt or that you're going to leave me. Love makes me do stupid things and feel so much it's sometimes nearly too much and still not mind that at all."

"I…" Kakashi swallowed hard. "I… I want that, too. All of that." Although it still frightened him. But if Iruka felt that way, then he wanted to feel the same towards him.

"I'll help you." The Chuunin smiled softly.

"Please." Kakashi slowly lifted his hand and carefully touched the bruises on his neck. "Does it hurt much?"

"I won't try to lie to you", Iruka said. "It hurts quite a lot, kind of throbs. But I had worse, really."

"Okay." Somehow, Iruka telling him the truth and not trying to comfort him with lies made it easier to bear, at least a little.

"Do you hurt still?", Iruka asked softly.

"I don't know." Kakashi tightened his hold around the Chuunin's waist. "Yes." But less than the day before. Less than the years and years before. Before Iruka.

"Nothing of what happened to your father was your fault", Iruka whispered. "You were just a child."

Kakashi shook his head. He didn't want to think about it. Deep, deep inside himself, he knew that Iruka was right, had maybe always known it. But it had been easier to just accept it, to just take the stares and whispers and loathing directed at him as rightful, had been easier to stop feeling, to stop hurting. Had been easier to become an emotionless shell with more than one mask, just as his father had always preached. At least he had done what had been expected from him like that.

"Stop looking like that", Iruka told him softly and smiled when Kakashi looked up at him. "Smile at me. I've always wanted to see how you smile."

"Okay." Kakashi did as told.

"Not like that." Iruka chuckled. "You look as if you just ate something really nasty and now try not to show."

"Sorry", Kakashi murmured.

"Don't worry." Iruka stroked over his cheek. "I'll make you smile soon. But first…" He leaned forward, grinning. "I want you to kiss me."

Kakashi nodded, then complied and as always noticed that kissing Iruka seemed to warm him from the inside like nothing else ever had. And this time it was even better, even more intense than before, because he felt himself do something he'd never done before: He trusted completely.

"There", Iruka whispered.

"Hm?" Kakashi blinked in confusion.

"You're smiling." He gave him a quick peck. "Looks nice. And it's all mine."

"Oh." Kakashi hadn't noticed. But then again, he so often did things around Iruka that surprised him. And that probably shouldn't surprise him anymore.

"What about breakfast now?", Iruka offered. "Apple pancakes?"

"Yes!" Apple pancakes!

"You look nice grinning, too." Iruka laughed, but then suddenly broke off, grimaced and held his throat.

"Sorry!", Kakashi immediately gasped. "Sorry!"

"It's fine", Iruka rasped. "I'll just be more careful from now on."

"I have salve in my vest", the Jounin offered. "It lessens the pain from bruises." And it was only for A-rank missions, by Tsunade's order. But Iruka was more important than any mission for him and Tsunade… that old hag would either understand or could just go and leave him alone with her bitching.

"That would be nice." Iruka smiled. "Does it also make them disappear?"

"No." Kakashi shook his head. Making the bruises disappear wasn't necessary to complete a mission.

"Hm. I'll have to find something like a turtleneck for tomorrow then." Iruka shrugged. "I haven't seen them yet, but judging from your reaction right now, I probably won't be able to pretend that they're love bites."

"I… guess not." Kakashi looked at the huge, painful-looking bruises.

"How high up do they reach?"

"Up till here." Kakashi carefully placed the very tip of his index finger a little bit under the Chuunin's jaw.

"That high?" Iruka grimaced. "I don't think any turtleneck can cover that. I'll have to use a jutsu to disguise them then."

"That will be hard", Kakashi murmured. He knew that school for Iruka always lasted at least five if not eight hours. And then also mission desk duty. It would be hard to hold a jutsu concealing his whole neck for so long. For him, on the other hand, it would be easier. Not because he was a Jounin or had more chakra reserves but mostly because of… his…

"You could borrow one of my masks", he offered.

"And then run around like a Kakashi-clone?" Iruka arched an eyebrow. "That's so much less likely to cause questions than the bruises."

"I didn't mean to hide your face." Kakashi pouted. "I meant to hide your neck. You could say that you have a sore throat and need to keep it warm."

"I'm sorry. It wasn't nice to make fun of you." Iruka gave him an apologetic kiss. "Thank you for the offer, I will definitely give it a try. And you're cute when you pout."

"'Cute'?!", Kakashi gasped incredulously. Now that was something nobody had ever said to him.

"Definitely." Iruka grinned. "I'm so happy that you won't wear the mask around me anymore. There's so much about you I want to see." He gave him another kiss. "Show me?"

"I want that", Kakashi whispered.

----- ----- -----

"Been a little rough, Kakashi?"

The Jounin jumped guiltily and whirled around to Genma. Had the Special Jounin noticed something on Iruka? Had he seen through the mask on his chin and their trick?

"Iruka doesn't seem to mind though…" Genma leered.

"He… he said that he's not angry", Kakashi assured.

"Not angry indeed…" The leer intensified. "He seems to like it when you mark him. Looks rather happy with your mask if you ask me…"

Kakashi blinked confusedly and looked back at Iruka. And indeed the Chuunin was right at that moment tugging at the cloth around his neck before he pulled it over his nose and down to his chin again, smiling softly. Kakashi had seen him do that every couple of minutes while he had been teaching and in the mission room, the Jounin following him everywhere. Only to make sure that he wouldn't overstrain himself, that was. Really.

"Keep making him smile like that." Genma patted his shoulder and turned to leave.

"Genma?"

"Hm?" The Special Jounin stopped. "What is it?"

Kakashi still looked at Iruka, at how the Chuunin was smiling softly whenever he smelled at the mask. "What… How does it feel to be in love?", he asked and turned around.

Genma smiled softly. "There's nothing you can compare with it. It feels like… like… I can't explain it."

"Oh." Kakashi sighed disappointedly.

"Love…" Genma frowned a little. "Love makes you strong. And it makes you want to use that strength to do whatever your beloved wants or needs." He shrugged. "I can't explain it better."

"M-hm…" Iruka was making him stronger, Kakashi knew that. Iruka made him stronger by giving him enough calmness to sleep. And he wanted to use this strength to do whatever Iruka wanted or needed.

There was only one thing. He would also use all his new strength to do whatever his village or Tsunade wanted him to do. And he was very, very, very-very sure that he didn't love the Sannin. So what did that mean?

"This is so complicated", Kakashi murmured. "Why can't this be easier to understand?"

----- ----- -----

"Kakashi!"

The Jounin all but flew towards his boyfriend at hearing the concern in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"Get me the empty laundry basket and at least two blankets", Iruka told him hastily. "And set water to boil for a hot-water bottle." He turned around to the Copy-nin, revealing Bull sitting behind him and Pakkun lying in his arms.

"Pakkun!", Kakashi gasped. The little pug looked sweaty and feverish, his breathing was shallow and his eyes were glazed over, not focusing on anything.

"I think he got sick after he went out with Bull to get us groceries and got soaked." Iruka carefully cradled the small dog in his arms. "I guess he's got the flu but maybe it's even pneumonia." He looked up, his eyes wide with worry and making Kakashi feel drawn close instantly. "Please help me get him warm and then we'll take him to Tsunade-sama."

-----

"He's waking up", Iruka whispered.

"Pakkun." Kakashi carefully put a thermometer into the dog's mouth. "Don't panic, okay? You're with us. We'll take care of you."

Pakkun mumbled something.

"You've got the flu", Iruka told him softly. "But it's already getting better. Your temperature is lower than yesterday."

"You never get sick, hm?", Kakashi murmured. "Next time do as Iruka tells you."

Pakkun sighed in a way that sounded as if he was agreeing.

-----

"I really think Tsunade-sama said chicken soup…" Kakashi arched an eyebrow, suppressing a smirk.

"Are you sure?" Iruka looked at him, smiling softly. "I could swear she said beef soup."

"Beev soub", Pakkun agreed. "Definidly. Wid mudch beev in id."

"Maybe she said chicken and beef soup?", Iruka offered.

"Dchicken an' beev soub." Pakkun nodded.

-----

"You're completely fine again already." Kakashi glared.

"Am nod." Pakkun glared back.

"You are. You're eating normally, you have no fever anymore, you're walking around and all that. Only thing is the way you speak. And that's faked." To get more of Iruka's attention. Attention that belonged to him.

"Am sdill sick." The pug huffed.

"Are not."

"Am doo."

"Are not."

"So am."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at the annoying dog. "Get your hairy butt back to your pack or I tell Iruka you're faking being sick to leech off of him."

"You wouldn't", Pakkun growled.

"I will." Kakashi smirked. "And he won't be happy with you then."

Pakkun scowled more, brain obviously working furiously. "Fine", he hissed finally. "Cheapskate." He bamphed away.

"Oh, Pakkun's gone already?"

Kakashi jumped and turned around to his boyfriend. "Felt all better."

"Ah…" Iruka arched an eyebrow.

"Very much better", Kakashi assured.

"Is that so…"

"Yes." He felt sweat building at the back of his neck.

"Did it have anything to do with the apple pancakes waiting in the kitchen?" Iruka tilted his head. "And with the fact that I didn't have many apples left and had to make less than usual?"

"No?"

----- ----- -----

"And yet another scar", Iruka sighed and carefully moved his fingers over the angry red line on his chest.

"It doesn't look bad", Kakashi assured while he threw away the bandages. "It's a clean cut." He had much worse-looking scars.

"You're right." Iruka turned his head to him and smiled softly. "I'm not bothered by how it looks, I just… It's another reminder of how easy it is to die…"

"I won't let you die", Kakashi whispered and embraced him tightly. Never. He just wouldn't allow it.

"I know." Iruka smiled, the scar over his nose crinkling.

"Where did you get that one?" Kakashi carefully followed it with a fingertip. "Only if you don't mind me asking."

"I don't." Iruka scrunched up his nose under the Jounin's caress, chuckling. "I got it when I defeated my first S-ranked criminal."

"Impressive." Kakashi nuzzled his neck.

"I was five", Iruka told him.

"What?!" The Copy-nin stared at him wide-eyed.

Iruka grinned smugly. "Ha, now you're impressed, aren't you?"

"How did you do that?" Even he hadn't had to fight against an S-criminal before the age of eight.

"Well…" Iruka winked at him. "I already told you that both my parents were Jounin. And therefore, they had quite some people holding a grudge against them."

"I can imagine that", Kakashi whispered.

"One day, when I was playing in our garden, a man suddenly came out of nowhere and grabbed me." Iruka sighed and snuggled into the Jounin's chest. "He was a Konoha shinobi but a traitor, obviously. The ANBU later found out that he'd been paid by a feudal lord from Water to kill me to take revenge on my father for stealing something from him as a mission."

"What happened?"

"The man held me in front of his chest, one hand around my neck and the other arm around my waist. He yelled towards our house for my father to come out and then, when my parents had run out into the garden, he told them that he would kill me in front of their eyes. And then he let go of my neck and drew a knife and slowly dragged it over my face. It hurt like hell." Iruka sighed again. "I was screaming and fighting and crying but it didn't help. And I could see my parents' faces. They had never before looked so terrified."

Kakashi just tightened his hold. The thought that he could lose Iruka terrified him, too, but he couldn't even begin to imagine how much worse it would be if Iruka had been his tiny, vulnerable, defenseless five-year-old son.

"I could barely see anything because of the pain, but I saw tears running over my mother's face", Iruka whispered. "And the man started to laugh. And then I got so angry suddenly. He was hurting my mommy and nobody was allowed to do that. I tried to get free but he had my arms in his hold around my waist, and so I only could use my legs." The Chuunin lifted his head and smirked at Kakashi. "And I did."

"What did you do?"

"I kicked him." Iruka's smirk became cruel. "And I hit a place that _really_ hurt. And then I managed to free one arm and punched my elbow into his chest. And when he let go of me, I bit him in his hand. And then I kicked him again, against his shin this time. And then in his side when he lay on the ground. And I pulled at his hair."

"And he didn't fight back?", Kakashi asked incredulously.

"Well…" Iruka bit his lip and looked at him impishly. "After my first kick hit and distracted him, my father and mother attacked, too, and they managed to hold him down while I… continued. I highly doubt that any hit apart from the first kick into his treasures really fazed that bastard, but I was five and hurting and angry because he had made my mommy sad."

Kakashi chuckled. "I can almost see that…" A smaller, very much smaller version of Iruka with his face scrunched up in anger unleashing his wrath. The Jounin decided to leave the cut and the blood out of his imagination.

"Don't you dare to say that I didn't defeat him." Iruka pouted. "Because I did."

"Yes, you did." Kakashi gave him a small kiss.

"I so did." Iruka kissed back.

"I like this scar", Kakashi whispered and kissed the Chuunin's nose. "I would have preferred you not getting hurt, but it's not a bad scar." Like his were.

"M-hmm…" Iruka sighed. "It hurt like hell though. All the time while my mother cleaned and bandaged it, I was wailing. But she kept saying that it was okay to cry because I had been so brave before. And my father told me that he'd never been more proud of me. And then they took me to Sandaime-sama and told him about everything, and he said that he was very proud, too, and that I would one day become a very good shinobi."

"You are", Kakashi whispered. "But you are an even better human."

"That's easy." Iruka chuckled. "You just have to always, always and always try to protect those precious to you. With everything you have."

"I will." Kakashi kissed him. Always, always and always.

----- ----- -----

Kakashi hopped happily up onto the tree in front of Iruka's apartment. He'd found delicious-looking cherries at the market. For Iruka. Cherries for Iruka. To eat them and then smile and be happy. And then kiss him, yes, then ki-

Oh? But there was noise in the apartment. Loud noise. And voices. Two voices, no, three. Iruka and… Raidou maybe… and that third person… probably somebody in the radio from the sound of it.

Slowly, Kakashi reached out towards the window, seeing two persons moving behind the thick curtains, then pulled the window open. Immediately, the noise increased and turned out to be loud music with much guitars and drums. He frowned. That was really very loud. Iruka usually preferred low music in the background. But however… Shrugging, the Copy-nin jumped through the window and the fishnet curtains, then froze when he caught sight of what was going on inside the apartment.

As did Iruka and Raidou.

Iruka was standing on his left foot, the right one in the air and his left arm thrown over his head. His right hand held a large kitchen spoon in front of his mouth. Raidou was kneeling on the floor, back bent backwards and both hands in front of his chest in a weird position as if he was holding something made out of thin air.

All three shinobi stared at each other for a couple of moments.

"Ka… Kakashi…", Iruka murmured, only to be seen by the movement of his lips. Then he hastily put his foot back to the ground and hid the spoon behind his back before he hurried over to the CD-player and switched it off. "Hi?"

Kakashi just kept staring.

"We… we were just…" Iruka blushed softly. "You know… we were…"

"Erm… I…" Raidou quickly scrambled to his feet. "I have… something to do. Bye." His face beet-red, he ran out of the apartment.

"Wha…" Kakashi still stared at Iruka. "What were… you doing?"

"We were…" The Chuunin blushed a little more but took the spoon back from behind his back. "We were singing a little…"

"Singing?" Kakashi blinked. "That noise I heard?"

"Hey!" Iruka glared at him. "That wasn't noise! I bet I can sing better than you!" He pouted.

"But… why were you singing?" Instead of pouting. Iruka pouting looked so nice… so kissable… maybe he could…

"It's fun." Iruka pouted deeper.

Kakashi forcefully blinked out of his staring. "And what was Raidou doing on the floor?" It had looked painful…

"He was playing air guitar."

"Air guitar?"

"Air guitar."

Kakashi tried to grasp the concept but failed spectacularly. "You need to explain that to me."

"I don't think I want that." Iruka glared again. "You're not being nice, you know…"

"Please…" Kakashi made a step towards him, then remembered the paper bag in his hand. "Cherries?", he offered hopefully.

"You're trying to bribe me?" Iruka arched an eyebrow but his eyes were glued to the bag.

"I'm trying to placate you." Kakashi smiled softly, knowing that it wouldn't stop at trying.

"Hrn." The Chuunin went over to him and snatched the bag out of his hand. "You don't know how to play air guitar?"

"No."

"Poor Kakashi." Iruka gently pulled down his mask and slipped a cherry into the Jounin's mouth. "It's fun."

"'m still learmim' how to have fum", Kakashi mumbled, chewing. "Teach me everything there is, sensei. Can I play air drums, too? Or air keyboard?"

Iruka laughed. "I'm sure _you_ could."

----- ----- -----

Kakashi had always thought that the deaths of those he'd allowed to come close would be the worst, the most frightening thing he'd ever seen. He'd always thought that no sight but their battered, lifeless bodies would be what would haunt and hurt him most.

He'd revised that belief the moment he'd realised that Iruka, too, was mortal. Now the thought that he could lose the Chuunin was frightening him even more, the image in his head that one day he could be kneeling next to Iruka's dead body was even less bearable than the memories.

But that sunny day of Konoha's autumn, that innocent, bright, perfect day, Kakashi saw something that was just as terrifying.

-----

"Iru-" Kakashi choked on his own breath and barely managed to pull his body onto the windowsill of the Chuunin's apartment. "Iruka?" Damn, it hurt. But how could it not, when you felt your whole world crumbling, your hope dying?

"Yes?" His boyfriend looked at him from the kitchen, then jumped and immediately hurried towards him. "Kakashi! You look awful! What happened to you?"

"I… you…" The Jounin swallowed hard, painfully. "You have to… you have to leave me." Oh, and it hurt so much.

"I have to…" Iruka's eyes widened. "Why?"

"You… you have to…" Breathing hurt, was almost impossible. "I can't… I can't give you… a child…" And Iruka wanted a child, he was sure about that. And he couldn't give birth to one. But Iruka wanted one. And that's why he had to leave him and-

"A child? Kakashi, what are you talking about?"

-because Iruka was made for having children and for raising them. Other than him. He wasn't good with children, especially not with small children. He would certainly squash them between his fingers, those fingers of a killer, an assassin, a-

"Kakashi?"

-so Iruka should have children, many children, and then give them all the love he had. Instead of giving it to him. It was wasted if the Chuunin gave it to him because he could never be everything that Iruka wanted, could never give him what he wanted most, not like that woman he'd seen, that pregnant woman who'd looked so happy and whose husband had looked so happy, too, and who would be able to-

"Kakashi."

-like he never would, no matter how many jutsus he would ever copy, how famous or feared he would ever become. And that was why he had to give Iruka his freedom back and the chance to find happiness in a family although it killed him and-

"Kakashi!" And suddenly he felt hands gripping and shaking him.

"Iruka…" He didn't know what to say anymore. He could just hope that Iruka would allow him to take a last look at him with his Sharingan eye to at least have the memory of him.

"Kakashi…" The Chuunin sighed. "You're thinking too low of yourself again. And you're misjudging my wishes again. And you're…" He smiled softly. "You're so very you again."

"But… I can't…"

"I have children already." Iruka tenderly embraced him and carefully pulled at his body until he climbed down from the windowsill. "Didn't you know that? Half of Konoha's younger generation were my students at the Academy. They're my children."

"That's not the same…" Kakashi sniffled but couldn't restrain himself from clutching Iruka to his chest. He knew he needed this warmth desperately by now, but he was willing to let Iruka go regardless if only it made the Chuunin happy.

"They're all the children I need. Especially Naruto." A soft, soothing kiss was placed on his temple.

"But they're not your own…"

"I don't need children of my own. Naruto will always be the closest I have to a son or maybe a younger brother. And that's all I need. If only I have you, too." Iruka started walking backwards slowly, drawing the Jounin with him.

"But… but don't you want…"

"I want you, Kakashi. Only you." Iruka lifted his head until they could look at each other. "Don't worry that I would leave you, Kakashi", he whispered softly before he sat down on the couch behind him, his arms still around the Copy-nin's neck. "I only want you."

"Really?" Kakashi climbed up onto the couch and settled down in the Chuunin's lap. It felt a little weird to sit like that but at least he could be close to Iruka. Oh, and Iruka wouldn't be able to stand up and leave like this, even if he wanted to. Sitting in Iruka's lap was the best kind of sitting ever!

"Yes, really." The Chuunin smiled at him.

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise, Kakashi."

"Thank you…" The Jounin sighed deeply.

A chuckle. "Thank you, too."

"We could…" Kakashi sniffled softly. "We could have… a pet…" He could stand that, he supposed. If only it made Iruka happy and stay with him.

Iruka laughed. "Oh my… Kakashi!"

"Not?" He looked up at him unsurely.

"If anything, I actually expected you to suggest adopting a child." Iruka smirked.

The Copy-nin frowned. "Oh. I didn't think of that…"

"Obviously." Iruka shook his head and kissed his temple. "A pet, hm?"

"But no cat. Pakkun wouldn't like that." And that would turn out ugly.

"No cat, alright." Iruka grinned. "And no dog either, I guess. Don't want Pakkun to feel being replaced."

"No." Kakashi wrapped his arms around the Chuunin's neck. "And no fishes. Fishes are boring."

"They are." Iruka nodded. "As are hamsters and guinea pigs and such. And I can't really stand birds. And snakes or spiders are far, far, _far_ out of the discussion."

"What else then?" Mmmh… Soo nice to sit like this. He could snuggle his face into Iruka's neck.

"I have not the slightest idea." Two arms wrapped around his waist, holding him protectively. "But I don't really need a pet, you know." A snigger. "I have you."

"That's mean." Kakashi pouted but refused to lift his head.

"I meant to play and spend my time with", Iruka assured.

"Sure…" Mean Iruka. And as punishment, he would refuse to get up from his lap for the next… two hours or so. _That_ would teach him!

----- ----- -----

"Gai." Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose. "Gai."

Konoha's beautiful Green Beast kept wailing.

"_Gai._"

"I didn't mean to do this to him…" Iruka looked shocked, sad, confused – so many things Kakashi didn't like to see.

"It's not your fault. He's always like this at our non-combat challenges."

"But… but he's crying." Iruka looked at Gai miserably. "If I had known that he would react like this, I would have-"

"No", Kakashi interrupted him. "Losing on purpose would have been much worse if he ever found out." He gently embraced his boyfriend. "It's not your fault, he's always this… dramatic."

"But it's been only a cookie-baking contest." Iruka looked at him, his eyes wide in confusion. "And he suggested it."

Kakashi wanted to kiss him.

"If I had known that he couldn't really bake cookies, I would have never asked to participate." Iruka bit his lower lip. "I just… I just wanted to be part of something you do…"

Kakashi decided that resistance was futile, if not stupid. So he kissed him.

"Marvelous Love!"

Kakashi groaned. "Back with us, Gai?"

"I am!" The Green Beast beamed at him. "And now that I see this Splendid Display of Love, I realise how unyouthful it was to mourn over a lost contest! I shall now cheer for your Magnificent Luck at finding True Love with Gentle Iruka-sensei!"

"You're not sad anymore, Gai-sensei?", Iruka asked, smiling softly.

"How could I be sad?! I lost to a Worthy Opponent who was Inspired by the Beauty of Love!" Gai pointed at the four cookies the Chuunin had made. "This is True Love!"

Kakashi smiled at the sight once again. Iruka had done wonders with the dough. He'd really managed to form and decorate cookies looking like Gai, Pakkun, him and the Copy-nin. And the Iruka-cookie and the Kakashi-cookie were kissing.

"You can have the cookie looking like you, Gai-sensei", Iruka offered. "I made one for each of us since Pakkun will come over this evening."

"I shall Honour it!" The Jounin carefully took the green cookie.

"Better eat it", Iruka chuckled. "They're best when still warm."

"I will first show it to my Cute and Youthful Students!", Gai declared. "To show them the Beauty of Love!"

"I'm sure they'll be delighted, especially Neji-kun", Iruka murmured softly while he watched him storm out of the apartment, then he slowly lifted the cookie-pair from the kitchen table and looked at his boyfriend. "Bite me?", he whispered, smirking.

"You really like to bake, don't you?", Kakashi asked while he pulled down his mask and nibbled at the Iruka-cookie's feet, then carefully took the double-cookie and placed it back on the table. Next to his and Gai's pitiful attempts at baking without help.

"It's calming." Iruka snuggled his head into his chest. "Just as cooking. I like to work with my hands and to produce something, especially if it makes others happy."

"Like apple pancakes?", Kakashi tried. Because that would make him very much happy.

"You're so greedy", Iruka sniggered. "Wait until Pakkun's here, then I'll make some for both of you."

"I think I'll try more of the cookie then. Pity you don't have a fireplace, by the way."

"Hm?" Iruka frowned. "Why that?"

Kakashi held one of his very black cookies up and earned himself a laugh and a kiss and the promise of more lessons in baking.

----- ----- -----

tbc

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nayru


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Teach Me To Love You

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakashixIruka

Rating: T for now, will go up

Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?

Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.

Status: Chapter 10 of 15

Disclaimer: Don't own.

.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.

**Teach Me To Love You**

by nayru-kleinefee

.

_Chapter 10__ – No piddling on Iruka's carpet._

.

"Mission report Hatake Kakashi."

"Ah, you're back." Tsunade looked up from her papers and smiled. "Iruka-sensei will be happy."

"M-hm." Kakashi nodded, smiling back under his mask. He hadn't been able to think about anything else on his way back to the village than of how happy he would make Iruka just by coming back, by being there, by simply being Kakashi. It was… strange still to know all of that, but he became more familiar with it every day. And it felt warm and safe and… and… just… just like it probably should feel to be _Kakashi_ who was with _Iruka_.

"You've got yourself a feisty one, you know that?" The Sannin grinned at him.

"What do you mean?" He frowned.

"Well…" She examined her nails calmly. "I so happened to see him talk with Anko yesterday. She asked him to let her take a better look on the mask of you he's been wearing around his neck every day since you had to leave. Cute, that, by the way. He denied."

"Oh." Kakashi knew that Iruka had wanted to keep a mask of him for the time while he'd had to be away on the mission. In return, Kakashi had gotten a shirt from the Chuunin to help him sleep.

"And when I say that he denied…" Tsunade smirked. "I mean that he told her something along the lines of 'Anko, my dear friend, you know I really, really like you and I care about you being perfectly fine and I would never wish you any kind of harm, but if you ever only dare to touch this _my_ mask that _my_ boyfriend gave me, I will make you regret it because that's _my_ mask and _my_ boyfriend!' "

"Oh." Kakashi's eyes widened.

"And that was even before she started whining about only wanting to look at it and maybe touch it a tiny little bit." The Sannin seemed to enjoy herself immensely. "I didn't completely get what he said to her then, only something about industrial dye, an alligator and rice pudding, but judging from the way she went from white to green in her face, he was rather… persuasive."

"Oh." He knew Iruka could be very possessive sometimes when he thought that other people showed too much interest in him. He wasn't sure what to make of it, but somehow it made him feel good. It was another of those I-am-_Kakashi_-and-I-am-with-_Iruka_ things he didn't understand completely but didn't want to miss ever again either.

"Perhaps you should tell him that you love him more often", Tsunade suggested. "Maybe he stops threatening my shinobi then."

"That… I…" Kakashi fidgeted.

"Kakashi… Have you told him that you love him yet?"

"I… I don't know… I mean, I don't know if I love him…", the Jounin murmured.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Tsunade groaned. "What's there to doubt?!"

"I… I don't know how it feels…" He sighed, a little embarrassed, a little confused, a little sad. "I want to love him, but I don't know how it feels. And he asked me not to say it unless I'm sure." He looked up at his Hokage. "How does it feel?", he asked softly. Maybe she knew?

"I… that…" The Sannin seemed to be at a loss of words for a moment. "You can't describe that", she told him finally.

"But how shall I know then?"

"You… you…" Tsunade sighed. "Look, Kakashi. If you love somebody, you're… you can't think of anybody else except that special person."

"But I think of many people", he muttered sadly. "Of you right now and of my targets or clients when I'm on a mission and-"

"That's not the same", the Sannin growled, glaring. "Are you so dense or are you just trying to rile me up?"

"I'm not trying to rile you up", Kakashi assured hastily.

"Dense it is then." Tsunade glared even more heatedly. "Look, think about what I said. I know it's mostly a rather sappy description, but there's some truth behind it, believe me."

Kakashi just stared at her, completely confused now.

"Out", the Sannin growled. "Go to your Iruka and think about what I said." She snorted. "Some genius, really."

He hastily made an exit. He would just ask Iruka about it.

-----

"Iruka? Iruka, I'm back", Kakashi called softly into the Chuunin's apartment, closing the door behind himself. He'd received a key to the apartment when he'd been taking care of Iruka and then the Chuunin had offered him to keep it instead of always having to knock at the window. Or to pick the lock of the door. Iruka hadn't really enjoyed that.

"Iruka?" He peeked into the bedroom and bathroom but had to find that the apartment was empty. He felt a little twitch of sadness and a big twitch of disappointment at that. He'd been so looking forward to seeing Iruka again. All the way back he'd been making plans of what to do with Iruka the moment he would be back, like kissing and cuddling and talking and hair-stroking and… and… and being Kakashi with Iruka.

With a sigh, he let his body fall onto the couch, but immediately jumped up again when he heard a key click in the lock. Carefully feeling out with his chakra, he identified the presence outside as Iruka and also confirmed that he was alone. Yay! He grinned happily and pulled down his mask while he approached the door on silent feet.

"Stupid bag…", he heard Iruka mutter under his breath the moment the door opened and the Chuunin stepped inside, not noticing him. Instead he looked, more glared at a paper bag in his arms and kicked the door shut. "Don't you dare to rip now, we almost made it…" He bent down and placed the thing on the floor. "There you go. Good bag. I'm proud of you. Mission completed and all that, ne?"

"Hey", Kakashi called softly.

"Gah!" Iruka jumped and immediately fell into a defensive crouch but then froze when he caught sight of the Copy-nin.

"I'm ba-" Kakashi couldn't speak further, let alone wanted to, because there suddenly was a quite enthusiastic Chuunin plastered against his chest. He grinned happily and embraced his boyfriend, intending to kiss him, but again Iruka was faster and pressed their lips together, and then-

Kakashi's eyes widened and he gasped when suddenly a warm, moist tongue was pressed against his lips, then slid in between them and started to stroke his own. He blinked, trying to process what was happening. He had Iruka's tongue in his mouth… And Iruka seemed to have put it there on purpose… And he didn't seem to want to take it back… And that… that was… it felt… it felt…

Suddenly Iruka froze against him, then immediately let go and jumped back. "I… I…", he stammered. "I'm sorry! I didn't… I… I mean, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want to surprise you. I'm just… I mean, I'm sorry if you didn't like it and-"

Kakashi felt the Chuunin tense against him when he drew him close again and pressed their lips together hungrily. He didn't know whether he was supposed to or how that was possible, but he'd liked to have Iruka's tongue in his mouth. It had felt… had felt a little weird maybe and foreign at first, but at the same time tingly and… so _good_.

When Iruka didn't do anything to repeat his actions, Kakashi carefully parted his lips and mirrored what the Chuunin had done before. He pressed the tip of his tongue onto his lips and when he found no resistance, let it slip into Iruka's mouth, searching for that feeling he'd experienced before. For a short moment nothing happened, no reciprocation came, but then Iruka finally relaxed against him and moved his tongue to stroke against the Jounin's, and that was it, that was what he'd searched for. So, so good.

"Is it supposed to feel so good?", he whispered incredulously when he reluctantly parted with Iruka to breathe again. He would have to breathe through his nose the next time instead of holding his breath. Tricky that, but he wasn't a Jounin for nothing.

"Wha'd'yousay?", Iruka breathed, and Kakashi chuckled when he saw that the Chuunin's eyes were slightly glazed and hazy.

"Feels good", he whispered. "Why didn't we do this sooner?" Very much sooner. Like… since the first night he'd spent in Iruka's bed. That would have been at least almost soon enough.

"Don't know." Iruka smirked suddenly. "I wanted to but I thought you might run away once I pounce on you. Or stick me so full of kunai I'd look like a porcupine afterwards." And before Kakashi could answer, he let actions follow and kissed him until the Jounin was clinging to him because his shaking knees threatened to give in.

"Mrngl?", he asked intelligently when he thought that Iruka had asked something. Wow, standing was trickier than he'd always thought it was. And breathing… now that was hard. Not to talk of thinking…

"I asked if it is alright with you that we do this more often from now on", Iruka repeated slowly, smirking.

Kakashi just grabbed him and claimed his lips again. Standing, breathing, thinking and also talking… who needed that anyway?

----- ----- -----

He knew he was worrying Iruka, he knew that he was hurting Iruka even by refusing to talk. But still he couldn't get himself to open his mouth and talk about what had happened. About how he'd almost died on the mission, about how he'd only been barely able to save himself by using the chakra-sealing jutsu he'd learned from Iruka. About how much the thought that he could make Iruka sad by dying had frightened him more than anything else ever had.

"Kakashi…", he heard the Chuunin whisper while tender hands stroked over his hair. "Everything's fine… you're safe now…"

Kakashi could only make a low whimper and tighten his hold around him.

A kiss on his temple. "I love you, Kakashi."

And the Jounin felt better.

----- ----- -----

"You are aware that he's going to kill you, aren't you?", Pakkun asked.

"He's not", Kakashi murmured.

"He is." The pug eyed the bundle in his master's arms. "He'll not like that."

"But he said we could have one…" Kakashi held his small present protectively.

"I'm sure he didn't mean one of _those._"

"Why not?" The Jounin pouted. "It's nice. And it's not boring. And no cat."

"And I thank the Big Bone that it isn't." Pakkun snorted. "But still. That thing is… it's…"

"It's not a _thing._" Kakashi cradled his cargo more securely in his arms. "And he'll like it."

"I highly doubt that, boss."

"He will. Iruka likes every person who's nice." Even him.

"It's not a person."

"You know what I mean", Kakashi growled.

"But I don't."

"Iruka!" The Jounin whirled around to the front door of the apartment. "You're back early."

"I hurried because I knew you were due back." Iruka quickly walked over to him and opened his arms to embrace him.

"Careful!" Kakashi hastily shifted the bundle in his arms so it wouldn't get smashed between their bodies.

"Hm?" Iruka frowned. "What's that?"

"Oh. It's…" Kakashi felt nervousness pool inside him. What if Iruka told him to get rid of it? What should he do then?

"It's the boss' new _pet_", Pakkun threw in icily.

"Your new…" Iruka closed his eyes and sighed. "You bought a pet? Without at least telling me first?"

"I didn't buy it", Kakashi told him hastily. "Or… at least not really." Uh-oh, his boyfriend didn't look happy at all.

"What is it?"

"It's… you know… it's not a cat. It's…" Kakashi sighed and carefully peeled the blanket from his precious cargo. Immediately, the tiny snout peeked out from under it, sniffling excitedly into Iruka's direction.

"Oh my…" The Chuunin's eyes widened. "Is that…"

"Yes." Pakkun snorted. "Pink, hairy, grunting, snout like a wall socket. It's a _pig._"

"It's a mini-pig", Kakashi corrected. "It won't get much bigger than Pakkun, I swear." He looked at his boyfriend pleadingly. "Can we keep it? Please?"

"Kakashi…" Iruka still looked at the small piglet. "A pig… I don't know…"

"But it can't go back!", Kakashi told him. "They didn't treat it well at the farm!"

"Kakashi, you know that pigs are held to be food for us humans. You might not like it, but it's just the case that they're kept in a pigsty and-"

"But that's not it!" The Jounin clutched the piglet to his chest, then peeled the blanket further away, revealing a big bruise on its left side. "Look! They hurt it! I saw it!"

"They…" Iruka carefully reached out to gently stroke over the piglet's side, his eyes narrowing angrily at the sight. "They hurt it? On purpose?"

"Yes." Kakashi slowly rocked the squirming pig. "On my way back here I came by a farm and I wanted to buy apples for you and then I saw it." He looked at the small animal. "It was digging in a muddy puddle with its snout and then the farmer's son came out and suddenly kicked it."

"What?!" Iruka looked at him in shock. "He kicked it? Just like that?"

"Yes!" Kakashi nodded. "And I wanted to go and tell him that he couldn't do that but the farmer told me that it would be alright since the piglet wasn't good for anything. He said that it had been a present for his son but he hadn't wanted it and now he wouldn't care about it at all, just wait for it to die because he'd decided not to feed it." He carefully stroked over the pig's back. "Because it was too small to eat it and feeding it would be a waste of money, he said…"

"Oh, Kakashi…" Iruka embraced him. "That's horrible."

"I know…" The Jounin snuggled his face against him. "And that's why I told the farmer that he could keep his apples but that I wanted the piglet instead. I didn't want it to die…" It hadn't been the same as if two humans had fought one another because, no matter how cruel that could become, he knew that. It had been a human against this little piglet who'd never done anything to harm anybody. It had been so small, so alone, so helpless against those bigger and stronger. He'd instantly thought about how sad Iruka would have been about it and had just felt _forced_ to help.

"I understand." Iruka tenderly kissed his temple.

"He's a he", Kakashi told him. "And his name's Cookie. Because I only had a travel ration with oat cookies left to feed him and he liked them a lot. Or maybe he was just starved, but… he ate many cookies, really. Although I think he'll like your apple pancakes even more." He looked up at his boyfriend. "Can we keep him?"

Iruka sighed. "I don't know how to take care of a pig…"

"We can ask Tsunade." Kakashi tried to position Cookie so he looked as small, cute and harmless as possible. "Can we keep him?"

"And then end up with a bratty little diva like Ton-Ton?" Iruka shook his head. "I'll rather consult books."

"Does that mean we can keep him?", Kakashi asked hopefully, lifting Cookie up so the Chuunin could see him even better. "He wants to stay here. He wants to have your apple pancakes. I'm even willing to share them. A little. Can we keep him?"

Iruka sighed once again, then carefully took the piglet out of the Jounin's hands. "If you do the potty training."

"Yes!" Kakashi jumped up out of sheer joy. "Yes!"

"I can't believe it…", Pakkun murmured. "A _pig._"

"But you can't take every animal you find with you here, okay?" Iruka lifted Cookie up to his face and smiled at him. "Not even if they're treated badly and so very cute that it should be illegal."

"I didn't plan to at first." Kakashi gently embraced his boyfriend. "I originally planned to take him to another farm and ask them to take care of him. I know I can't just take every animal I find to the apartment with me." There would soon be not enough space left for him anymore then, and he definitely couldn't let that happen.

"Why did you change your mind then?", Iruka asked, nuzzling his nose against Cookie's and making the piglet squeak happily.

"I had to search for almost half an hour until I finally found him in his hideout." Kakashi nuzzled his nose into the Chuunin's neck. "He was so terrified, didn't even want me to come near him. He even bit me when I tried to grab him."

"I can understand that…" Iruka sighed. "Humans aren't good creatures, no matter what they think of themselves. Most of the time we are horrible, horrible beings." He took a step back and sat down on the couch, Cookie and the blanket on his lap. "Did you take him here because you were impressed of his hiding and fighting abilities?" He chuckled. "Are you a nin-pig, Cookie, hm?"

Cookie grunted and snuggled against the Chuunin's stomach. Kakashi decided immediately that he was a smart piglet for realising that Iruka's stomach was a perfect place to snuggle up to.

"That wasn't why I took him with me." He smiled and sat down next to them. "He still had mud on his snout, you know. Here." He gently trailed his finger over the pig's snout. "He looked a lot like you." He moved the same finger to follow the scar on his boyfriend's face.

"You're weird…" Iruka chuckled softly. "I like it." He smiled at the Jounin. "I love you."

"Want to love you." Kakashi kissed him.

"Congratulations", Pakkun snorted from the floor, "it's a pig."

"Pigs aren't bad, Pakkun", Iruka admonished mildly. "They're very intelligent and clean animals. And very gentle and keen."

"It's a _pig._" The pug shook his head. "Named _Cookie._"

"Don't listen to him, Cookie." Iruka tickled the piglet's stomach. "He's just jealous that you're so cute."

"I don't want to be cute", Pakkun growled darkly.

"And that you're allowed to sit on my lap right now. Sooo jealous." Iruka grinned at Cookie.

"I'm jealous, too", Kakashi decided. "I want to sit on your lap."

"You want to sit on Cookie?!", Iruka gasped in mock-shock. "Cookie! Run before Kakashi Butt of Doom sits on you!"

The Jounin laughed. "I can have Cookie sit on my lap", he offered.

"Hmmm…" Iruka frowned deeply. "I think… I think Cookie and I can agree to that." He grinned.

"Perfect." Kakashi carefully took the piglet from his boyfriend's lap, then sat down there instead and leaned his side against his chest, Cookie cradled securely between them.

"Want to join?", Iruka offered to Pakkun.

"I…" The pug eyed Cookie blankly. "Not beside _that._" A puff of smoke and he was gone.

"I'm sorry", Kakashi murmured. "I don't know what's wrong with him."

"I think he's jealous that we pay so much attention to Cookie." Iruka sighed. "And I guess he's afraid that he'll be second row from now on."

"But he's my most valuable nin-dog!" Kakashi shook his head. "I know him since… since before I even became Genin. I will never want to replace him. He's my…" He blinked when he suddenly realised something. "He's more than a nin-dog. He's my friend."

"I know." Iruka took his hand gently. "I know, shh. He'll see that soon, believe me."

-----

"It's piddling on your boyfriend's carpet", Pakkun announced dryly.

"Wha- No! Cookie!" Kakashi hurried out of the kitchen towards the shocked piglet. "Bad Cookie", he admonished, just as Iruka had told him to, while he crouched down to mop up the small puddle. "No piddling on Iruka's carpet. I told you to wait until I'm going for a walk with you."

"I really doubt it's able to understand you." Pakkun snorted. "Doesn't seem smart enough."

"He is", Kakashi contradicted. "And stop calling him an 'it'. He's got a name, just like you and-" He stopped and frowned. "Pakkun?"

"What?" The pug made a step back warily.

"Do you think… do you think Cookie understands you better than me?"

"I'm not a pig", Pakkun hissed icily.

"I didn't want to say that", Kakashi growled. "It's just… other summons and also animals seem to understand what you're telling them. Remember that horse in Water?" Stupid, mean thing had only stopped trying to bite his hands off after Pakkun had had a word with it.

"I refuse to talk with a pig."

"You talked with frogs. And squirrels. And once with that cow."

"But that… well…" The pug scowled at him. "Don't think this is going to become a habit…" And with that, he stalked over to Cookie who regarded him carefully. "Listen, you… Cookie. That loud, nervous human there? That's your boss."

Cookie grunted questioningly.

"Okay, okay." Pakkun rolled his eyes. "He is one of the bosses, okay? That other human, Iruka, is the other boss."

Cookie made something that sounded like, 'Gra-ouiiiek?'

Pakkun blinked, then turned his head towards his master, smirking. "He thinks your boyfriend is your boss, therefore his boss-boss. The alpha-male, so to say."

"But…" Kakashi frowned, then shrugged. "Just get on with it." After all, there was a certain kind of truth behind that…

Still smirking, Pakkun turned back towards Cookie. When the small piglet grunted happily, he immediately went back to scowling. "Okay… pig." He snorted. "Listen. The boss wants you not to piddle in the apartment, meaning here, alright? And no big business either. He'll go outside with you so you can take care of it there, okay? Understood?"

"You could be nicer", Kakashi told him when Cookie looked at the pug sadly and confusedly. "He's still almost a baby."

"I don't give a flying- Aah!", Pakkun yelled, eyes wide in horror. "It's slobbering me! It's eating my ear!"

"He's kissing you", Kakashi explained, grinning like a madman. "I think he likes you." If the excited, happy wagging of Cookie's small, curled tail was any indication. "Maybe he decided that you're his bigge- his older brother now and wants to cheer you up."

"No! No! I'll not-"

"Take it like a man", Kakashi just said. "And men don't squeak."

"But he's… he's… You'll pay for that, boss."

-----

"Isn't this nice?", Iruka whispered, then went on humming.

"Mmmmrrrrrh…" Kakashi shifted to better place his head on his boyfriend's stomach, careful not to throw Cookie from his own in the process. When he saw Pakkun lying on the floor and scowling, he motioned for him to join them on the couch.

"Not. Interested", the pug told him but his eyes told differently.

"Please join us, Pakkun", Iruka coaxed. "I would like to have as many of my precious people as I can here with me."

"Your…" The dog's eyes widened.

"Me too", Kakashi said softly although his heart was beating loudly in his chest. "Come here so I can have Iruka, you and Cookie all at once."

"But… I…" Pakkun sighed. "Only because Iruka asked me. I'm not coming for the- for Cookie. He's just… he just happens to be there, too."

"That's fine", Iruka whispered. "We know."

"I'm not coming for him and- He's slobbering me again!", Pakkun complained, already sitting on the Copy-nin's stomach. "And now he's… he's…"

"He wants to snuggle with you", Kakashi murmured. "Stop whining, there's not enough stomach for you to sit far away from him. I'm not an Akamichi."

"But he's all warm! Too warm! And he's wagging his tail against me!" Pakkun sounded… pouting rather than annoyed or angry, Kakashi noticed.

"You're always complaining when it's cold on missions." He yawned. "Enjoy it."

"Enjoy it?", Pakkun grumped, then continued murmuring darkly.

Kakashi still noticed that he shifted closer to Cookie. Heh…

-----

"A camera!" Iruka came hurrying into the bedroom. "Where's the camera?!" He started digging in his cupboard.

"What's up?" Kakashi frowned at his boyfriend. Iruka looked excited.

"Come! But shh!" The Chuunin sniggered, his camera in his hands. "It's so cute!" He quickly walked back into the living room.

Kakashi followed, still frowning, until he caught sight of what had excited his boyfriend so much. A smirk built itself on his face.

"Isn't this cute?!" Iruka took a second photo, then a third and fourth.

"I'll never let him live that down", Kakashi announced, still smirking at the scene in front of him. "Never." But he had to admit that it indeed looked cute to see Pakkun sound asleep and curled protectively around an also sleeping Cookie.

----- ----- -----

"I distract them and you run with him, boss", Pakkun murmured. "They seem… calm now but I think that's going to change soo-"

"Oh my god!" Anko.

Kakashi took a step back.

"Look at that!" Genma.

Kakashi held Cookie closer to his chest while Pakkun positioned himself between them and the two squealing humans.

"So cuuuuuuute!" Genma.

Kakashi quickly covered the piglet's ears, mourning his lack of a second pair of hands for his own ears.

"A piggy!" Anko. "Kakashi's got a piggy!"

"You won't get him", the Jounin sternly told them in advance. "He's afraid of you." He should have insisted on Iruka staying and helping him, he really should have. But how should he have known that two Jounin would turn into creepy, squealing… monsters once they caught sight of Cookie?

"He's not!" Genma shook his head vigorously. "I wanna hold him!"

"No." Kakashi wrapped the blanket tighter around Cookie to hide him from their greedy stares.

"So not a good idea, boss", Pakkun murmured.

"I wannaaaa!"

"Genma, stop whining." Raidou shook his head. "Kakashi's right. You'll probably squeeze him too much."

"I won't!" The Special Jounin stomped with his foot. "I won't!"

"Me neither!" Anko made a grab for the blanket.

"No." Kakashi jumped away quickly, highly aware of her long, sharp fingernails. A short look confirmed that Cookie was alright and watching the three new humans with something between slight fear and morbid fascination.

"Genma." Raidou held his boyfriend back when he tried to get his hands on the small pig once again. "Calm down, will you? I'm sure Kakashi will let you touch him once you've stopped acting like an idiot."

"Maybe", the Copy-nin murmured.

"I'd say not", Pakkun announced.

"May I pet him?", Anko asked hopefully, visibly shaking from the effort to stand still and behave. "Only a little?"

Kakashi eyed her suspiciously. "Maybe a little. But no trying to grab him."

"I won't", the kunoichi promised, then slowly reached out with her hand and carefully stroked over Cookie's forehead with the tip of one finger. "He's so warm", she murmured. "And so soft…"

"I want, too." Genma inched closer and carefully mirrored her actions under Kakashi's stern gaze. "He's so tiny."

"He'll get bigger." Kakashi allowed himself to relax a little. "About the size of a cat I was told."

"How did Iruka react?", Raidou asked.

"He said that Cookie could stay if I do the potty training and if he sleeps in the living room once he's feeling familiar with the apartment." Kakashi hesitated for a moment, then decided that at least Raidou was safe for the piglet and carefully handed Cookie over to him under Pakkun's stern gaze. "Right now he's sleeping in a basket next to the bed."

"Ah." Raidou looked at Cookie. "You're a lucky little piglet, you know that?", he murmured. "You couldn't have found yourself better parents than Kakashi and Iruka. But in exchange I want you to be nice to them and make sure they stay alright and happy, okay?"

Cookie grunted seriously, looking the scarred Jounin right into his eyes.

"Smart Cookie." Raidou grinned at him.

----- ----- -----

"A piglet!"

Kakashi just barely managed to jump through the window into Iruka's classroom, snatch Cookie and his boyfriend and jutsu all three of them to the back of the room before they could get stomped over by a horde of children. "I told you", he admonished.

"I didn't expect them to be quite that enthusiastic…" Iruka watched his students wide-eyed while they seemed to search for the piglet and their teacher in the front of the room. He frowned. "And I expected them to be smarter when they search for somebody…"

"I guess I should take him to the apartment." Kakashi gently took the frightened piglet from his boyfriend's hands.

"Let's try once again." Iruka smiled at him. "I only want to show him to them, afterwards you can take him with you, alright?" He kissed the Jounin softly. "Don't worry, Cookie, you've got the best bodyguard in town."

"Why do you want to show him to them anyway?", Kakashi sighed.

"Because I'm sure that most of the kids living inside the village have never seen a real pig." Iruka smiled a little. "Neither a cow or a sheep. It's kind of sad…"

"You're right." Kakashi reassuringly rubbed his back, then took a deep breath. "Come on, Cookie, we've got a mission. Show them what a real pig is."

----- ----- -----

Cold. He was so cold. Cold. Numb. Lifeless. Bloody. Tired. So tired of everything. So cold. His hands were stained with blood. He'd killed. He felt so cold. Everything was so dark.

Streets. People. Houses. One house. The house. Stairs. A door. Keys, he had keys. But he shouldn't go here. He didn't belong here. He was too cold, too dark, too numb than to be allowed to be here. He wasn't worth being let in, wasn't worth being here, he wasn't-

"Kakashi." Brown eyes. Tired. Worried.

He blinked. But he wasn't Kakashi, not the Kakashi Iruka wanted. He was Sharingan Kakashi. He'd killed. As he was supposed to. As he was there to. As was his only purpose in this thing he called life for the lack of a better name.

"Kakashi, please." A smile. Hands reaching for him.

"Why do you even bother with me?", he asked softly. Longing. He longed for those hands, for the warmth. But he shouldn't. He wasn't worth any of it.

"Why I bother with you?" The smile became softer. A hand was held out for him. "Take my hand, Kakashi."

He reached out. Saw his hands. Stained. Bloody. He shouldn't touch Iruka like this. He turned around, into the kitchen. Water. Crusted gloves off, sleeves up, cleaning. Washing away the visible blood. Not to stain Iruka. Then he turned around, went back, carefully took the offered hand in both of his. Careful, had to be careful. Not hurt Iruka, never hurt Iruka.

"This is why, Kakashi."

He blinked. Looked up.

"This is why I 'bother' with you. This is why I love you." Iruka smiled. "One of the whys. It's the way you treat me. You treat me as if I was special and precious. You treat me as an equal and also as your most important person. You allow me to come close to you, even if you're hurt and fragile like now. You…" He swallowed and blinked. "You let me close enough to share your laughter, your light and your warmth but also your fear, your pain and your darkness. I love you for all of this."

"I don't understand…"

"You do." Iruka chuckled. "You're just too tired right now. Come to bed with me, hm?"

"Yes", he whispered. "I… I want that." He allowed Iruka to lead him to the bedroom, to undress him and clean him with a warm washcloth, then he sank onto the bed.

"Come here." Arms pulled him close and a warm body moved until he was lying beneath it. "Let me shield you tonight, Kakashi", Iruka whispered. "I won't let anything or anybody get to you. I won't allow it."

And Kakashi slept.

----- ----- -----

Kakashi jumped up onto a tree branch in front of the window to Iruka's classroom, settled himself and Cookie in a blanket around his waist down and got ready for watching his boyfriend teach. Aaand he had provisions. Life was good. Life was very-

"I knew I'd find you here. Stalker-pervert."

-unfair. "Genma."

"You look cheery today." The Special Jounin smirked. "Anything you wanna tell me? Hey, Cookie."

Kakashi just looked at him blankly. He had three of Iruka's apple pancakes in the small plastic box in his hands, leftovers from breakfast. But he so wouldn't tell Genma about them.

"Gen, stop annoying him." Raidou jumped up to sit down on the Copy-nin's other side.

"Awww, Rai…" Genma pouted. "I'm just trying to- Hey, what's in that box?"

"Nothing." Kakashi clutched it harder.

"Aw, come on… Tell _me!_" Genma tried to snatch it, but Kakashi wasn't a Jounin for nothing.

"Gen, stop that." Raidou sighed. "I told you not to annoy him and just invite him."

"For what?", Kakashi asked.

Raidou smiled. "It's my birthday next Sunday. We're celebrating it at my family's house, as every year, and I would like you and Iruka to come. And Cookie if he wants."

"Oh. Okay." He couldn't remember ever having been at a birthday party. But Iruka would certainly know how to… do that.

"Wonderful." Raidou smiled. "And please don't bring any presents, okay? And tell Iruka that, please."

"You won't be able to stop him though." Genma sniggered. "Iruka would never come to a birthday party without a present."

"Ah." Kakashi thought about that. A present, hu? But Raidou didn't want any. Why not? Maybe he was afraid that he wouldn't like them? Then he would have to think of something that everybody had to like. Wouldn't be easy since he knew only two things that everybody just had to like. And he wasn't happy about the thought that he should have to share. But it was a birthday after all…

"Well, we'll be off then." Raidou patted his shoulder. "By-"

"Wait." Kakashi took a deep breath. He couldn't believe he was really doing this. But there was only one thing he could think of that everybody had to like – apart from Iruka and his other precious persons, and he _so_ was not willing to share the Chuunin, Cookie or Pakkun.

"What is it?" Raidou frowned.

"I…" Ignoring his body's furious screams to stop, he held out his lunchbox to Raidou. "Happy birthday."

Cookie grunted in shock.

"Oh?" The other Jounin slowly took the box. "But it isn't my birthday yet."

"But I… I have them now…", Kakashi forced out. And once he would let his mind fully register what he was doing, he couldn't be sure to still be able to do it. But it was the only thing he could give away if he wanted and that everybody just had to like.

"Oh." Raidou carefully opened the box, then his eyes widened. "Are those… Iruka's?!"

"M-hm…" Kakashi couldn't look at his lost treasure and instead tried to calm an indignant Cookie down. "Happy… early birthday…"

"Genma…" Raidou looked at his lover with wide eyes.

"Damn…" The Special Jounin took his senbon from his mouth. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to take my Rai from me, Hatake…"

"It's… it's a present…"

"Thank you", Raidou said softly. "Thank you, Kakashi, that's…" He laughed shakily. "Anko won't believe me if I tell her…"

"She doesn't have birthday soon, too, or does she?", Kakashi asked carefully.

"Don't think so…" Genma laughed softly.

"Wanna share?", Raidou offered, took one pancake and handed the box over to the Copy-nin. "One for each of us? And some nibbles for Cookie?"

"Okay…" Kakashi took one, rolled it up and gave Genma the last. "They're even better when they're warm. Want me to use a jutsu?"

"Yes, please." Raidou smiled. "That would be-"

"Kakashi!", Iruka's voice rang towards them suddenly. "Come here for a second, okay?"

The Jounin hurried to jump onto the windowsill of his boyfriend's classroom. "Yes?"

"Three things." Iruka grinned at him and obviously completely ignored his students grinning and giggling behind his back. "First, give me a bite?"

"Okay." Kakashi held out his pancake for his boyfriend. He would give Iruka everything, even his apple pancakes.

"Mank myou", Iruka mumbled, chewing. "Mecond…" He swallowed. "Second, you really should be a little quieter out there, I could hear every word."

"Oh." Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "Sorry."

"And third…" Iruka wrapped his arms around his neck and gave him a long kiss. "I love you so, so, sooo much", he whispered afterwards over his students' giggling. "And I will make you a load of pancakes for dinner today. A mountain of apple pancakes. All for you."

----- ----- -----

tbc

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nayru


End file.
